Guys, If you really like a girl will you ever approach her?

[tea]

LOL, my mom told me to go out and beat the crap out of whoever got in a fight with me before I go home. Nice, eh.

 

I have to admit it does feel nice to have a boyfriend who's decently strong, but personally I prefer someone who's on par with me or slightly weaker than me. I like to reserve the ability to beat my husband up if I need to. As of killing a mouse or a spider, as much as I'm scared of those, heh, don't worry, I'll get the job done.

 

Stronger guys are nice when you need someone to carry you, and DBL in another thread mentioned a good point, muscles do serve as pillows and blankets and matress when I'm given a hug. (OH! The pillow! OH! My stuffed toy bf!)

 

However, let's face it, in the modern world rarely will you need a stronger person to fight off a bear for you. There's not a whole lot of need for stronger guys there.

 

I agree women haven't given up enough to be equal, but we haven't gained a whole bunch either. I think the next move for society would probably be equal pay and equal draft opportunity.

[wlfpack81]

Um, I said we no longer want or need a man to kill a boar. What we want in terms of dominance is guys who aren't passive--guys who aren't wimpy.

 

Just b/c someone may be passive doesn't mean they have to be wimpy. Haven't you heard of only attacking when needed be. For example you may have some dude who may be passive, not considered a fighter etc. Yet one day a situation arises where he needs to spring into action (someone threatens his family, friend, house on fire etc.) and he does so. I mean hell Monks in Tibet are some of the most peaceful, passive men on earth yet challenge them to a fight and they'll break you down w/their martial arts in seconds. Get it?

 

But ya know I'm done with this thread. I really don't want to get on a flame war on this board which is supposed to be a sane place for discussion. You have your opinions and I have mine. I'm not going to change and obviously you aren't either. Whatever issues in past dealing w/men etc. have made you feel the way that you do and so be it. But next time you go for that aggressive male, who isn't "passive and wimpy" as you say, don't go crying to your guys friends etc. if he ends up begin aggressive with you in another way.

 

Cheerio

[asdf]

I want to say one thing. It's funny how women no a days talk about independence etc. (which I do agree with) yet still want to have somethings stay the old way. That really gets annoying IMO. It's either all or nothing. Since this is the 21st century, a century of new beginnings girls should be able to make the move once in a while if they see a guy they like as well.

 

Why in the world should it be all or nothing????

 

women can be as independent an as unwomanly as they want. just don't expect those women to be any more attractive to men than wimpy passive men are to women is all i'm saying.

[acts12]

I think thats it is funny to watch the whole discussion change. The fact of the matter is that women are more attracted to men who are dominant and aggressive for a reason. It is built in. And the women who try and act like its not and try to be the more powerful ones are only fooling themselves and usually end up unhappy because they try and go against what is natural for them. PERIOD. Its the same reason the dominant guys like girls who are shy, but you can tell that they would be nurturing. This is the same case for guys.

[acts12]

I was once involved with a potentially abusive man. (I stopped things before they got too far). He was not a dominant male.

 

They never are. Not if they have to be abusive to girls. Those guys are the wimps in the real world.

[Shidoshi]

Just out of curiosity when you say you like a dominant man, what exactly do you mean? Besides expecting him to ask you out. Could you give some examples?

 

I would also like to add that I believe some women are just as insecure as men and would rather not take the chance in asking someone out for fear of rejection, and this may manifest itself in the belief that if a man does not ask you out they are undeserving of you to begin with. I think that is actually a cop-out.

 

I mean, lets say you meet a guy that you really like and you can tell he's in to you but a little on the shy side. How in the world does this equate to weakness? I myself can be a little shy around girls that I'm attracted to but that in no way reflects my strength of character and my ability to behave in a dominant way if the situation calls for it.

 

Women have it a lot easier than men in the dating world because I know a lot of them take this position, and they feel like they are on these pedestals and men need to prove themselves in order to be worthy of a chance. Its a good thing I have not personally come accross a woman who would be completely turned off if I didn't ask her out. Hell, most of my relationships were kind of a mixture of mutual flirting, casual conversation and just hanging out and enjoying each others company.

 

Never once was I made to feel pressured in to taking any initiative because I would lose my chance. I think my selfesteem has helped me realize that I'm not out to prove my manlyness to anyone. I think you really restrict yourself by having this twisted view of dominance. I know several guys who would have no trouble asking girls out, but then again some of these guys are the most weak minded individuals I've met, they've just figured out a way to get in to women's pants a lot faster than others.

[JonnyG]

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Why in the world should it be all or nothing????

 

Wlfpack81 said:

 

"B/C when you pick and choose pieces of the pie it confuses people. Additionally you're saying guys are supposed to act totally in the traditional way (dominance, kill the boar, ask the girl out) in other words we have to go all or nothing. If we become to passive, sit back, not be as aggressive then we're wimps who don't deserve women. Yet women can pick and choose what piece of the past they want to mix with the future. Want to work 9-5 etc. won't cook for the man b/c a man can do it himself, yet the guy is the one who has to make all the moves. That's the rules. BS and definitely a double standard. "

 

Amen to that.

 

Many women these days are like mentioned above, picking the things that suit them, and not picking the things they don't want to do. Its very selfish. Most lads hate having to continously get the bottle to chat to some girl only to have our confidence dented by the girl who basically tells us to "get lost". Unfortunately 1 of the tradations that have stuck is for the guy to do all the work still when it comes to approaching.

 

What happened to the spice girls promoting "Girl Power" . There are so many confident women out there these days, more confident than many guys are, why don't u try using that confidence on approaching us guys . And why would girls going up to guys make guys think "their too easy". A simple "hi" and just a pleasant conversation is fine, and a peck on the cheek/lips at the end of the night doesnt make a girl look easy. In what way does that make a girl look easy? The only difference in this scenario from the last 1 is that the girl was the first person to say "Hi", and thats about it.

 

To quote many girls I have seen on this forum over the last half year when it comes to chatting to guys "Im too scared of rejection. My ego would get crushed". Well how do u think we feel. Especially for people like myself who are shy. Like I said before, i am fortunate that some girls have come upto me before and the girls who are interested in me usually make it fairly obvious. But some are not obvious, u go up and get blown out, and its "ouch!!!" but heh thats life . The amount of girls i see out staring at guys and then blowing them out , incredible and sad. There are girls out there in micro mini skirts and huge cleavages and every guy in the joint is staring at them and they know it and love it, but they all have bfs. Why the hell are they dressed like that and their bfs not around? Simple "Stroke my Ego". Pathetic.

 

I was out last night. 2 girls were near me and one kept looking over. I wasen't positive that she was interested, but my mate was already chatting to other girls and I thought "what the hell, even if they are not interested, maybe I'll get to have a friendly chat for a couple of mins". I went up and tried to start speaking and they basically were like "What the hell do u want?" followed pretty much by turning round and pretending I wasen't even there. A simple 2 min talk about...I dont know...how my and their night was followed by a simple "Were off downstairs, have a good night" would of been good or even the more used but simple "We already have bfs sorry" or "Have a good night" (an obvious conversation ender) would of been fine. But nope, sorry, shot down with no sympthy. When a girl comes upto me who I don't like I chat to her for a min or 2 before making some excuse up to get out of the situation without hurting her feelings.

 

Amyway, I do believe that for the majority of times it should be the lad going upto the girl, I understand that it shows confidence and girls like that, but I just wish more girls were more pleasant when it comes to saying "no" basically.

[JonnyG]

Fair does, there following trends , yeah right. Just a trend which allows guys to see almost every part of the female It isn't a trend they have had tiny skirts forever and tops that show off big cleavages and its for 1 use, to grab blokes attention.

 

 

Quote JonnyG

they basically were like "What the hell do u want?" followed pretty much by turning round and pretending I wasen't even there. A simple 2 min talk about...I dont know...how my and their night was followed by a simple "Were off downstairs, have a good night" would of been good or even the more used but simple "We already have bfs sorry" or "Have a good night" (an obvious conversation ender) would of been fine. But nope, sorry, shot down with no sympthy. When a girl comes upto me who I don't like I chat to her for a min or 2 before making some excuse up to get out of the situation without hurting her feelings."

 

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Years ago, when I used to hang out at clubs, some friends of mine and I had gotten that way--after several years at the clubs. Know why? Because of all the guys we met in clubs who said they'd call and never did. Because of all the guys who ended up drunk and slobbering all over us and we couldn't get them away from us. Because of all the times we were nice when not interested in someone and they wouldn't leave or worse---got pissed off at us for not being interested. Because of all the lies we'd heard. That could have been how these girls had become. "

 

 

Looks like your meeting the wrong types of guys .Fair does, so that is basically telling us we cant win ( at least not in nightclubs ). U want us to come up to u, but now your saying that girls can't be bothered with guys coming up to them either. What can we do to win? Never mind, I guess i can see your point when I think about how bad my mate gets when he's drunk trying to chat to girls

[Shidoshi]

Ok, this is interesting...

 

I like a guy who knows what he wants and where he wants to go.

 

Understandable I guess, but the statement is kind of vague.

 

A guy who when you walk into a restaurant with him takes the lead into getting you two seated--at the same time, he asks you if you have a preference.

A guy who as you both approach his car, opens the door for you.

 

I don't quite see this as dominant, more like being courteous and/or polite, but I can't argue with it if thats the way you see it.

 

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I would also like to add that I believe some women are just as insecure as men and would rather not take the chance in asking someone out for fear of rejection,

 

 

That's definitely true.

 

My reason for saying this has to do with women who say they are completely turned off by a man who doesn't ask them out. In my opinion it is the woman who may be insecure.

 

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and this may manifest itself in the belief that if a man does not ask you out they are undeserving of you to begin with. I think that is actually a cop-out.

 

 

That's one of those assumptions again. That's your own self-esteem issues giving you the message that you are undeserving.

 

You misunderstand me, I'm not saying this is how I would feel if a woman were to lose interest in me for not asking her out, it is the way you percieve a guy who doesn't take the initiative in asking you out. He is not worthy in your eyes.

 

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I mean, lets say you meet a guy that you really like and you can tell he's in to you but a little on the shy side. How in the world does this equate to weakness? I myself can be a little shy around girls that I'm attracted to but that in no way reflects my strength of character and my ability to behave in a dominant way if the situation calls for it.

 

 

Not necessarily weakness but passivity. Passiveness tends to turn me off. It could turn some women on though.

 

Have you ever thought that maybe the guy just isn't ready to ask you out yet? Does that have to mean he is passive? He may be undecided based on any number of factors. I know I've been there.

 

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Women have it a lot easier than men in the dating world

 

 

Now THAT is funny! But it's a common misconception that a lot of guys have I've discovered. Don't assume it's easier for us unless you've been in our shoes--which is only possible with a sex change operation.

 

Funny? I guess so... I'm not saying that women always get what they want when dating, but they have it easier because men are out there chasing them, for the most part. I know this to be true because I'm a guy, why would I need to be a woman to see this? Think about any woman who shares your preference for only men who will ask you out. You automatically eliminate any possibility of getting your feelings/ego hurt because you never take the risk of asking the guy out. Whats more funny is if the tables were turned all of a sudden, guys would be rejoicing.

 

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they feel like they are on these pedestals and men need to prove themselves in order to be worthy of a chance.

 

 

That's another assumption. It's what you--as a guy---is interpretting by how a woman behaves. It's your interpretation of our behavior--and I don't think that it's accurate.

 

Well, I'd say it sure seems like it when you say you are turned completely off by something so superficial as a man not asking you out. I'd be willing to bet my lifesavings that almost no woman would consider Brad Pitt a turn-off for showing interest in them but not popping the question (not marriage of course).

 

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Its a good thing I have not personally come accross a woman who would be completely turned off if I didn't ask her out. Hell, most of my relationships were kind of a mixture of mutual flirting, casual conversation and just hanging out and enjoying each others company.

 

 

Still, at some point, someone would have to ask someone out.

 

Thats just it, given the circumstances I described why would it matter so much that the guy specifically say the words? What if you had an idea for great date? If you're getting along really nicely with this person would it be so terrible to initiate the question?

[tea]

 

Funny? I guess so... I'm not saying that women always get what they want when dating, but they have it easier because men are out there chasing them, for the most part.

 

Ok girls, how many of you feel this is true?

 

 

Well, since you asked... not being able to take the initial step actually really sucks. When I'm interested in someone, whether I'm head over heels with him or simply want to check out the possibility of having a relationship with the guy, I can't ask him out. I can throw little hints, send some vibes, appear in front of him and try to attract him, but I can't ask him.

 

You guys will deny this, that's why I didn't comment.

 

...a lot of times men value women who asked them out less than women they need to spend an effort to pursue. You might argue women are the same way... well, women value their relationship on how much effort they spent after the relationship is already in place; men value relationships on how much effort was spent before "she's mine." It's the same with hunting... being able to hunt down a deer is awesome. Guys will show off the deer and tell stories about their effort, etc. If you drop a dead deer on someone's porch they'd take it to the garbage can and call it a day.

 

A lot of times asking someone out will minimize my efforts... I got good at relationship games but I really hate playing them. I'm lazy and I like the easy way out.

 

Asking people out directly will minimize my efforts, but I can't afford to let my reputation down the drain so guys will think I'm easy. thereforeeee, I played tons of games to lead guys on without leading them on. To tell the truth, it's very tiring doing that.

 

 

 

Now that I have a wonderful boyfriend, I'm going to hold on to him and call my games quits. Gosh I love him.

[asdf]

A lot of times asking someone out will minimize my efforts... I got good at relationship games but I really hate playing them. I'm lazy and I like the easy way out.

 

Asking people out directly will minimize my efforts, but I can't afford to let my reputation down the drain so guys will think I'm easy. thereforeeee, I played tons of games to lead guys on without leading them on. To tell the truth, it's very tiring doing that.

 

same actually, but i find some relationship games are nessesary to spark things up. i get really tired of them too though.

[JonnyG]

I can't say I agree.

 

I've done enough "deer hunting" in my 22 years and im tired of it. I'd rather be the hunted now, not the hunter. Luckily Im not always the hunter and some girls on occasions come upto me, and the best part about it is I get an ego boost. To think that if I was female I could get ego boosts almost everytime I go out by just sitting there . I prefer efficiency, if the deer comes upto me its less hassle and ultimately I get the the same result.

 

No, seriously, when a girl has come upto me I have thought nothing less of them, and actually impressed they made the effort because it is ssooo rare.

[chanceit]

i guess it depends on your definition of really liking someone...

 

it sounds strange but i think sometimes you can really like someone, but you're better off in a relationship which someone you don't like so much.

 

I think when its a more subtle attraction leads to a better relationship than when you are crazy about someone.

 

So would i ask out someone i really like would i approach them - maybe but only to chat to as a friend.

[Dre_7]

i guess it depends on your definition of really liking someone...

 

it sounds strange but i think sometimes you can really like someone, but you're better off in a relationship which someone you don't like so much.

 

I think when its a more subtle attraction leads to a better relationship than when you are crazy about someone.

 

So would i ask out someone i really like would i approach them - maybe but only to chat to as a friend.

 

I've been in a relationship with someone I didn't like so much, I questioned myself everyday, forced myself to kiss her, forced myself to like her, basically. All because she liked me, and I figured I'd give it a chance. My attraction to her went up only slightly, and not enough to sustain any type of longterm relationship. And, as you would expect, in the end it didn't last very long. What I'm trying to say is that if you're not attracted to someone enough, either initially or during a relationship, There's no point pursuing that person, you'll end up hurting them and yourself. Added to that, I don't feel motivated to express love unless I'm crazy about the person. It's okay to be crazy about someone, but it's another thing to be overly dependent on them. For me, I have to be crazy about the person, but she also has to be crazy about me because that's an amazing thing to have mutual feelings.

[Shidoshi]

I was hoping I could sway you with atleast one of my opinions, lol... It seems like these arguments are very situational, you can't really say that they would apply to everybody but I think I know what types of men women like you go for. I guess it would also depend on how much time you've spent with the person and how much effort you've put into giving signals.

 

I will admit, if you're giving the guy all the signals in the world to make a move and he doesn't ,well...I can see how you might lose interest. I guess I'm just a little more open-minded about these things, and yes I'm not a woman. I've pretty much been speaking based on my own experience. I would not be turned off at all by a woman approaching me anytime, anywhere. Simply the act of asking me out wouldn't affect my opinion of you at all, in fact, I can appreciate a woman who is confident enough to do it. I've had some women ask me out and I've asked some out.

 

I know there are guys out there who like the chase, but I don't know any of them personally. Although I can see myself being a little turned off if the woman asks me like she's extremely desperate or something, but even then it depends on how attractive she is. God knows if some beautiful woman was begging me to go out with her I couldn't say no.

 

Also, I have to say I disagree with the "deer hunting analogy." It really depends on the type of guys you go for I guess. I asked 6 of my close male friends, and about the same number of co-workers, not one of them would be turned off by a woman asking them out. I think it all depends on how you do it.