I am too posessive. WHAT?

[AmikeA]

My ex told one of her best frineds that the reason she broke up with me is I was too posessive. This bothers me more than I can explain because I try so hard not to be that kind of a person. I certainly don't see women as ojects, and don't treat them like they belong too me. This is my definition of posessive, now unless I am completely worng on my definition I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am not like this.

 

It bothers me that she would say this though. I have thought about it alot and there are a few explainations for this. Did she really think I was possesive or was I (if so i have some work to do on my self cause i had no idea). She may have used that reason to justify breaking up with me to her friends. Or this could all just be a rumor her friend was spreading.

 

Again this all bothers me quite a bit, would it be a mistake to ask my ex about it?

[antzca2000]

if shes just an Ex that you have no feelings for, nothing wrong with asking. And if shes an ex you still have feelings for, I think shed be happy to see that your willing to change.

[nexus532]

Yea, she is an ex, if she can't deal with you being happy and making her feel good than you are too good for her.

[AmikeA]

Thanks for the answers, but neither of them fully answer my questions, I am very weary of asking her about this, somehow I think it would be a bad idea. I asked one of my good friends who was around me and my ex alot during our relationship about this yesterday. She said I was in no way possessive, and not to worry about it too much because her and other people knew this. Yet it still bothers me and I want too know why me ex would tell her friends this, yet I think I will never know for sure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

p.s. cool icon nexus,

[chai714]

I would not be confrontational about her comment about you being posessive. The botton line, is that the relationship is over. You may never know the real reason why she ended things. If you're not a posessive guy, then you know it's simply a rumor and should dismiss it as such. If you want to silence a rumor, go to the origin and inquire about details.

[AmikeA]

Here is the thing though, she wants too stay friends. I don't think I can while having this hanging over my head. Yet bringing it up can only end bad i think... i dunno what too do..

[ellielou]

If you're going to be friends then you need to be able to be honest, if you get back together then you need to be able to be honest, if you dont stay friends then you have nothing more to lose. You should ask her if it bothers you this much and put the matter to rest whatever the outcome. Hope it works out ok.

 

x

[Leslii]

AmikeA,

People who are possesive don't see it !! Also what she calls possesive and you call possesive could be two different things.

I would ask her though. Just tell her that you heard through the grapevine

she is telling people that you are possesive and you want to know in what way. If she does give you legitimate reasons and that you can see her point, tell her "thank you" for letting you know so you can work on this in future relationships. Don't tell her you will change for her though. She needs to feel that you are not using this as an excuse to win her back and you are moving on with your life without her. That is a very attractive quality!!!!

Dating is a learning experience. You will look back someday and see your

mistakes but sometimes they need to be pointed out to us on occasion.

That is why marrying at a young age is foolish. People need to date a variety of people. It also helps us pick up clues early on in a relationship

of what is wrong or right.

Now on the other hand she could be making this up. Maybe she is uncomfortable telling people the real reason for the break-up. So i think you should ask her because you seem very upset over this and you do deserve to know.

[AmikeA]

Thanks for the help, I an definatly going to ask her about it. I completely agree, while I don't see myself as possessive perhaps in some way I am and I just don't see it. That was my whole point, if I am like this and don't even notice it I have some work to do on myself. I would just rather know for sure rather than go into another relationship second guessing everything I do. I believe if I ask the right way I can keep the conversation with my ex from getting negitive.