Does she want me or not?

[junebug123]

Its okay, after waiting for 5 hours listening to dumb excuses for why she was being late, i finally realized that i was being stood up and i am not upset or anything i actually feel relieved that its all over and that i can move on free of guilt or worry about my responsibility to her as a gentlemen (which i know is totally self created). The situation is that i suffer from co-dependency and tend to get extremely anxious and stressed when i am not with that person who i feel is my only source of happiness. People often wonder how i can get attached so quickly or how i can withdraw so forcefully from others, i think the answers lie in my childhood which is full of repressed memories. I feel more alive now as i feel like i can grow from this experience and try not to take things so personally in the future but behaviors and patterns have a way of repeating themselves; sometimes we never learn from our mistakes and are caught in a vicious cycle of self deprecation.

 

I don't think that i would have been able to feel this way had she not lied about meeting me today for whatever the situation (something about welfare office), and you would think that a young man about to graduate college with a full time job could do better than an alcoholic who can't spell simple words. Alas the ways are the heart are something ludicrous and how we react to our feelings is even more perplexing as i tend to follow every impulse without a second thought.

[FlashEng1]

Its okay, after waiting for 5 hours listening to dumb excuses for why she was being late, i finally realized that i was being stood up and i am not upset or anything i actually feel relieved that its all over and that i can move on free of guilt or worry about my responsibility to her as a gentlemen (which i know is totally self created). The situation is that i suffer from co-dependency and tend to get extremely anxious and stressed when i am not with that person who i feel is my only source of happiness. People often wonder how i can get attached so quickly

 

Saying I know where you're coming from.... or that I was exactly like you... would be a serious understatement.

 

Check out Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie.

 

And I wish I could tell you that it goes away entirely... But for me, it's a recurring thing that I have to check myself for every once in a while... I naturally care SO easily that some times my kindness gets taken advantage of in person; and even trying to "fix" it, comes out just as bad when I've been seen as an a**hole a times! I would fall SO easily for someone damaged or not good for me, and wonder why I'm not good enough.. Or worse, date someone who was very independent which, to me, meant rare calls/texts, feeling like I was last on their list, etc etc.

 

Best advice I can attempt to give is to try and realize your own self worth from those who have acknowledged their appreciation of it.. Friends, family, people that lift you up for just being you. Taking that in and understanding that YOU .. ARE .. worth it. Worth someone great. Doesn't need a "project" girl. At the same time finding within yourself what really makes you feel complete.. happy.. whole, and running with that! Whether it's a certain activity or action.. Or it's the idea of something.. how you can incorporate that into your daily life enough to not have that codependency go throw your head as much.

[junebug123]

Yeah, i read that book.

 

I know that most of my problems stem from my mom and stuff and she was always there for me so i expect that from the women i meet. I am not sure if its called the Oedipus complex or not (i don't want to marry my mom fyi), i just know that even though: "we" (co-dependents) know the techniques involved in falling into co-dependency in terms of the triggers and what to avoid; its always harder to deal with a situation.

 

For me it was one bad relationship after the next going no where and hoping that each new person i met would be like my ex. Sometimes you have no idea that your falling into that pattern of regression, i always idealize and fantasize about what my dates would be like and how great the sex would be, sometimes i even find myself wishing my partner to turm into something their not (someone who will depend on me as i do to them).

 

I would say that the only reason it worked for so long with my ex, was that she was co-dependent as well and there were many times we were not happy but didn't know any other alternative then to be with each other. Hopefully one day my emotional self will grow as my body and mind has matured, i think that working on your soul is something that people don't spend any time on and that's why their inner child is so undeveloped. Also we live in a world where we are expected not to show our feelings and everyone has a position to play in society, sometimes i forget about my own needs and wants and i have to remember to make time for them