Said he needed time to try to forgive and then broke up with me...

[dfly64]

Hello, After 3 weeks of waiting and hoping with time apart for my BF to forgive me he decided to break it off completely. I am just devasted. He suggested that maybe we could go out on dates, maybe in time we could give it another run, maybe in time we could have our dreams. But I don't trust that because I trusted giving him the time he needed at first for him to just turn around and break it off - well it was very damaging. Not only do I not receive his forgiveness but I have lost him as a result of my actions (very harsh words were spoken in the heat of an argument). I know I have no choice but to go on. I am just wanting to know if anyone has had this same thing happen to them - where they did finally reconcile with their ex? I really don't believe that all this time helped anything - it damaged us more. Maybe he didn't have the courage at first to break it off - but he did eventually. I cry everyday. I was just emailed by him and was asked to stop posting things to FB about us. I am not saying anything mean...they are more like sayings/quotes about how I feel. I was hoping he would see that I am hurting just as much. He has also told me and a friend of mine that he was not interested in seeing other people but why would he say that if he wasn't thinking of doing that or already doing it? I am starting to think that maybe he didn't love me as much as he said he did because I think if he did...we could have worked thru this eventually but after 3 weeks of needing time to himself, he just threw it all away. I was blown away on Friday when he changed his relationship status on FB. All the while he said he didn't want to break up (even though it sounded like it) then he also came over in person but still didn't say the words...just that he needed more time and then BOOM it was over. I realize he is hurting and very confused and angry. I find it disheartening that he didn't feel enough love for me to work it out. Isn't that what commitment is? I use to think we were very committed. But I guess not. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Minx2012]

It's very difficult to go through something like this and for this, I am so sorry you are hurting

 

I just have one question to ask : Why were you needing forgiveness from him? What was the main argument about that made him stay away from you for a few weeks to think?

 

In my past experience, usually, the breakups that are initiated by the dumper is never " sudden ". Often, the dumper has had the idea of dumping their bf or gf for months to even years. They are just stalling to find the " right moment " or doing things to push their bf or gf away ( the " distant, cold " phase that most dumpees experience right before the actual moment that they are dumped ). It sounds like your bf has thought about leaving you for a while now and just found the "right" moment to do so which makes him a coward.

[dfly64]

I said something to him about a family member and he can't forgive me. Saw on the internet the top 5 ways guys break up and thought this was fitting:

 

2. The Illusionist: He remains only in form.

Rather than formally break-up, he slowly withdraws from the relationship mentally, physically or emotionally. He wants out but he is not man enough to end it. Instead, he lets the relationship die a slow painful death. There will be no mercy kill. A coward, he might break-up with you over text or via a surprise Facebook status update to ‘Single.’ He really wants you to break-up with him. However, if you are equally weak willed or too stubborn to accept it’s over, this pathetic excuse for a relationship might last forever.

 

 

Yesterday he came over unexpected to tell me that he loves me and he misses me and that he is hurting too. Then right after he left he texted me to tell me "I hope I didn't hurt you more by coming over or give you any false hopes...I realize I can't be in a relationship with you until I can forgive you". Then later that day he was giving me crap for even thinking of the possibility of dating someone else. I told him...hey you are the one that broke up with me...you are the one that put me back on the market. He said he would have the same attitude also and find someone else too. I just can't believe how hurtful and passive aggressive he is being with me. Just the other day he said he was not wanting to be in a relationship with anyone. The way I see it he was just waiting for the right moment to pull the plug and put it all on me when it was really him that was too chicken to do it for his own reasons. Which I am thinking now was so he could see other people. But the issues we had with his balance of relationship with me and his girls will never be something that someone else will accept either. They will not want to feel like I did - like I didn't matter and/or secondary. But then again, I probably brought it up enough that he will magically learn how to do this for the next one. Always the story of my life!!!! I always make the man better for the next one.