Find your nail in the coffin

[OverYou]

Ok, so for those not familiar with my story my ex girlfriend broke up with me because she wasn't over her ex in late August. I did all the pleading and trying to talk her round the day after but it was over for the time being. She told me who knows, maybe in time we can try again and all of that ***** but anyways that's the jist. We went NC for five weeks until I broke it, putting the feelers out if we could be on speaking terms but it was rejected so NC resumed till this morning, but not directly.

 

I text her best friend (as I felt ready for what I was about to hear) to ask if she still thought of me. Her answer was she is talking to her ex boyfriend again, bare in mind she told me she would never get back with him because he cheated on her. It stung for a minute but the news brought the hammer, something I knew I'd have to chase in time. I'm not in her mind anymore, she's only thinking about him. The end.

 

My experience for anyone in a similar situation has been this. NC helps you heal about 70%, 80% but I would have never been completely over her until I heard the news, in other words breaking NC to find closure. I would say to you, if you still harbor hopes of getting her back but you feel strong enough to potentially get the bad news I got then break NC to find your closure. I'm not sure what I'll feel like later today but for now I'm fine, angry but fine. I'm actually a little relieved she is talking to him and not another guy in a strange way.

 

This news has also accelerated the thoughts she doesn't deserve me, someone who loved her unconditionally. I gave her the world and she threw it back in my face as soon as her ex jumped on the phone. Again, if your struggling, go find your closure. Then go strict NC but the closure with you SO must come first otherwise NC will only take you so far. Over the hill, granted, but hopes and feelings will still linger.

 

Find your nail in the coffin if you need to, in my case, I can now finally begin to process that extra 20% I need to in order to be over her and finally remove stings and little pains that still linger.

[JANC]

100% agree.

 

Once you know they have moved on it does hurt like hell but you know it is over.

 

NC is great but after she contacted me and finally told me what she was doing I was free to get over it.

 

The ex's love to know you are going to be their safety net if the new relationship does not work but in my case the net has been replaced by spikes

[OverYou]

You do feel a sense of freedom, there's nothing holding me back now. It's over, I can carry on with no what if this or that happened..

[sharky988]

I'm sorry for the pain this news must have brought -- but good for you for getting the information you need to move on! Sometimes it really helps.

[JANC]

You do feel a sense of freedom, there's nothing holding me back now. It's over, I can carry on with no what if this or that happened..

 

Do not get me wrong I was gutted when I heard the news.

 

I still think about her too much but this will pass.

 

The best thing is getting attention from other females even tho I am not ready to date.

 

Simple things like this give you back some faith in the human race

[leftme]

Mate. I'm like 2 months in. I looked yesterday at her facebook and saw she was with the guy I always suspected came between us. It wasn’t intentional it appeared as someone I may know with the profile pic of them two.

 

I totally relate to you saying you're relieved it was him. I feel the same way because I suspected it, it sent me south before we broke up (I blamed my jealousy for us splitting) and now I know I was right to feel that way. I wasn't being irrational or stupid I was sensing something that was happening even if she didn't know it (although I reckon she did).

 

She's welcome to him. My opportunities in life have grown ridiculously since we split. I’m not tied down and I’m not sharing my life with someone who will influence my future career path which involves relocating internationally (possibly). She seems happy, maybe she is, she was happy with me for 3 years. The honeymoon wears off (not that she’ll come back) but eventually she’ll go from comparing amazing to good (what’s the case now) to good to good (in the future). There’ll be differing areas of good in different people but she’ll likely look back fondly on the aspects he lacks and be glad for him with the aspects you lacked.

 

Maybe they’re a better fit, maybe the next one she dates will be but I know I’m not the next guy. I’d be too scared to accept her back and consider dedicating the rest of my life to her so it’d be pointless.

[OverYou]

I'm sorry for the pain this news must have brought -- but good for you for getting the information you need to move on! Sometimes it really helps.

 

It wasn't pain really,the was a slight knot in the stomach for about 10 seconds, about 50 seconds of disappointment and then I just carried on. That's where the NC helped and I guess one point of this thread is that many say go strict NC and never get in touch when some of us need too. I'm also saying don't be scared to once your ready.

 

Finding this out has helped me.

[OverYou]

Do not get me wrong I was gutted when I heard the news.

 

I still think about her too much but this will pass.

 

The best thing is getting attention from other females even tho I am not ready to date.

 

Simple things like this give you back some faith in the human race

 

I guess I have the benefit of a British accent haha, I'm by no means ready to see other women yet though.

 

I had a dream about my ex last night, it was mainly physical and thats how this came about really. I woke up really missing that attraction, the sex, everything and I just thought this has to stop. Everyday it's annoying and thats all it is now, just annoying. I want it to go away, I want to spend a whole day without thinking of her and what she done to me.

 

Just go away.

[sharky988]

It wasn't pain really,the was a slight knot in the stomach for about 10 seconds, about 50 seconds of disappointment and then I just carried on. That's where the NC helped and I guess one point of this thread is that many say go strict NC and never get in touch when some of us need too. I'm also saying don't be scared to once your ready.

 

Finding this out has helped me.

 

 

I think people say to go strict NC when people are unable to stop regular contact or are trying to rationalize being "friends" with an ex immediately after a breakup.

 

But if you're the kind of person who can stick to NC long enough to start healing and you feel like contacting your ex would help you move on, why not do it?

 

I was on another site after a really bad breakup and had gone 60 days strict NC and felt like I just needed to make contact to see what would happen. Everyone was screaming at me "stay NC! don't do it!" But I felt like I just NEEDED to get that door slammed in my face one last time before I could really move on. So I contacted my ex and he totally ignored me. It really hurt in the moment -- but it felt like a quantum leap in my overall healing because in some way I was profoundly MORE over him.

 

So I can relate a little bit to what you've just been through and I'm glad it was helpful to you! It definitely was for me.

[Ang33]

She broke up with me after 7 years because I took her for granted. After doing LDR for 4 years i feel like the magic fizzled because I got too comfortable. We had closure twice. The first time she said she couldn't handle a relationship because of the distance and law school, I knew this wasn't everything. But most recently because she texted me after a month of NC saying that she missed me. It sucks because it gave me false hope but the truth of why we broke up came out which was me taking her for granted. I knew it because it was a persistent problem of mine and she started falling out of love for me because of that... I've found closure and the NC sucked, but she broke it and not me. I have a lot of healing to do because I still want her back like crazy. During closure I admitted to taking her for granted, said it was all my fault, said that she deserves better than me, and that I f*cked up really bad because I couldnt hold on to the love of my life. I feel like I've lost all chance and hope for reconciliation and I'm sure if I'm in denial or if i have accepted it yet....