Please someone just give me a hint of advice!

[Avasky]

Heres the spill I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and lately I haven't been as happy as I was before. My best friend is noticing that I haven't been as happy too. He does make me happy, but not as happy as I would like to be. There are tons of things I like about him, but some things that really annoy me about him. My mom and best friend say that many of the things that bug me about him will never change even if I try to communicate to him that they bug me, he might never change. So do I stay with him to see if he can change and by chance be happier, or do I break up with him?

 

I also have fears as anyone would have with breaking up with someone. Like hurting the person which is inevitable, and the chance of not finding someone again, or the chance of missing that person.

 

What would you do?

 

THanks ...

[fallslikerain]

well not to dis your mom or friend, but if you don't tell him what your bothered by you can't expect him to know...

 

i guess we should start with just what is he doing thats troubling you?

[lady00]

First tell him what's bothering you. Your mom and your best friend can't be sure that he won't change unless you ask him and find out for sure. If he isn't willing to change the things that bother you , then consider breaking up but don't make a decision until you know all the facts.

[nexus532]

You have to try and think about what it would be like 10 years down the road.I you think you can be happy wiht him in these 10 years then stay with him, but if you think that his problems will always bother you then perhaps you should cut the relationship off. After all you don't want to be ten years down the road and being unhappy with you partner.Age will also be a factor, if your young then you should move on because you have a long life ahead of you, but if your in your late 20's or older maybe you should think of settleing down.

[OceanEyes]

Hey Avasky,

 

How old are you and your boyfriend? What are the things he's doing that are really getting on your nerves?

 

There are always going to be things about any guy you date that you're not going to like, as there are probably things that he doesn't like. It's about what you're willing to tolerate.

 

By the way - loved ones will always try to give you advice about your love life, but they don't know your man as well as you do. They're quicker to judge because they love you and want the best for you. Sometimes advice from family can be quality, and sometimes it's really not.

[Avasky]

Well my boyfriend is 21 and I'm 19, he lives an hour away. I guess I could name a few things that bother me about him, that I don't think will change.

 

- He's in debt and I've told him how to get out of debt, but he keeps splurging on things that are not so important. He says I'm going to be in debt my whole life, so why bother. Also, he was recently in a car accident and wrecked his parents van that he drove. So now he no longer has a car, and I think he should take a weekend job to get out of debt, and maybe get a new car. I know this would be really stressful but it would be better in the future. He says that thats his weekend off after a stressful week. I just think he needs to get some things under control before splurging on unneccesary things.

- Also, he doesn't ever take certain things that I don't like him doing to mind. The number one thing that annoys me is that he touches my stomach in public and I'm not uncomfortable with my stomach, I just don't like him doing that, and he still does it after I repeatedly say no.

- I'm in school, and he isn't

- He doesn't understand that I need -alone- time or -girl- time. He says that he would rather be with me that be alone, and if he went out with anyone we would want me with him with his friends (but he only has one friend). So I always debate him on why its important for me to have alone time and girl time and he doesn't get it

 

 

Well these are just a few things! Thanks for listening : )

[Leslii]

It seems like you need someone a little more mature than what you have now. It is really hard to "change" men. They change when they want to-if ever.

He sounds a insensitive and impulsive. Who says you have to be in debt your whole life. He is making excuses for outrageous spending. You point things out to him and he doesn't respond to your feelings. You can try talking to him but you are both very young.

It is your job to make your life happy, not his. A man can bring you joy but you can't expect him to make you happy. That is our job. But if he is making you unhappy I suggest that you should rethink this relationship.

Don't settle for something below your standards. Be picky and pick wisely.

[OceanEyes]

Wow. Your situation reminds me EXACTLY of my close friend's and her fiancee. She was in school - he wasn't. She had her finances and goals in order - he didn't. She hated drugs - he didn't. The list goes on and on.

 

Let me tell you something about men that I've had to learn the hard way - twice. The more you nag and try to change your man, the more he's going to stay set in his ways and resist you. Even if he does change temporarily, he will usually forget and revert back to old ways. Telling your man what you don't like about him will usually get you nowhere - men resist your attempts to change them.

 

Here is something I could really relate to:

 

The number one thing that annoys me is that he touches my stomach in public and I'm not uncomfortable with my stomach, I just don't like him doing that, and he still does it after I repeatedly say no.

 

My boyfriend is like that also. When we lie in bed together, he has this habit of throwing half of his body on top of mine. He is 6'2, 195 pounds and it actually hurts to have that kind of weight on top of me. I throw him off, ask him to be more gentle - and he always does it anyway! For some reason, they just always revert back to old habits! lol

 

He's not going to grow up overnight. I think you are obviously more mature and responsible than he is at this point, and you have three options:

 

1. Stay with him, and try to accept his immaturity and irresponsibility. Hope for the best, accept him as he is, and wait for him to grow up a bit.

 

2. Decide that you need an older guy who has his life together a bit more. Get out of it, spend as much time with your girlfriends as you want without him crying about it, and have more time for yourself.

 

3. Tell him that you need 'a break' and some "me time". Breaks do not always equal an actual break-up - sometimes they do wonderful things for a relationship that seems hopeless. Take some time for yourself, let him know that you have certain expectations that are not being met, and that you need to figure out if you really want the relationship.

 

By the way: the friend that I was talking about in the beginning broke things off with her fiancee because he simply refused to grow up. She didn't want to wait.

 

Good luck!

[saucy chick]

k i dont wanna b d reason ne body breaks up r anything , but yea u dont feel d same , but u should defnitaly tell him how ya feel but not in a stuck up way , so he feels like he wants revenge on ya r anything ! but yea u must tell him.

 

did ya ever really luv him?? yea i can see u did, but do u still feel dat fluttery feeling when he is touchin ya ?? i hope he dont make you feel dat way ne more if your going to break up wit dis guy .

[annie24]

Well, you shouldn't rely on someone else to be your source of hapiness.

 

What is he doing that's bugging you? If he's cheating on you, flirting a lot with other women in front of you, or something serious, than that's bad. Or, is a minor habit bugging you? Like, he snores, or you hate the way he dresses, well, is it such a big deal in the long run? You probably can't change him, but you can talk to him about what is making you unhappy, and then work it out from there. good luck