I can't figure her out!

[slw1]

I ended two months of NC with a birthday card to my ex gf, and I drove 200 kms to see see her.On that day I went to see her she was thrilled to see me,it was just like old times again,she was talking about doing things together again.Also,she loved the birthday card,for it made her laugh,and she couldn't stop thanking me for coming to see her.On that day she also asked me to join her on a bike tour the following week.Well the following week I waited for her to call to tell me what time to meet for the bike tour.Since she asked me I figured it was up to her to call me this time,and she didnt.So I called her on the morning of the ride and went .I was a bit hesitant ,because I wasnt sure about her .Well anyway we had a great time that day ,we talked for hours while riding .She even flirted with me a bit.A few days later she asked me out to a movie,when I met her for the movie she asked me to come camping the next week.

 

So, the next week goes by and she still doesnt call me.I have made all the contact so far ,so i figure she should make some attempt to call me.We met each other at the campground,and on the camping trip she was always by my side(ther was 6 people on the trip).We talked and teased each other just like old times.She would keep touching me a lot too.In short we had a great time again.

 

So the next two weeksI wait for her to call me again,and yet she still hasn't.I called her eventually ,and we had a great conversation,but she still wont contact me.I told her when we broke up that I couldn't be just friends .I wanted her to realise by sending that card that i really care about her (I have known her for less than a year ,and she never told me when her birthday was). I think if dont contact her she will never contact me.

 

So,am i just a friend to her?Should i try NC again ?I dont know what to do..

[lady00]

Sounds like she considers you to be just a friend. I think that if you expect her to come back too much, you might end up getting disappointed because she is not that eager to contact you but she enjoys talking to you so it seems like she just want's friendship. I think if she were interested in more, she would call you frequently on her own initiative. I would do NC if I were you and really try to get over her...it'll be hard but if you got over her then you would be happy with or without her later on.

[slw1]

Its hard to tell sometimes ,because she crosses that just friends boundry in my opinion.She 'll rub my leg ,rest her head on my shoulder and lean against me when we are sitting down.This is not" just friends " behaviour.

[makeshiftdoll]

It's quite possible that she wants to establish a friendship with you, which is good (if that's what you want), though it doesn't necessarily mean she has no romantic feelings towards you...

 

Can you elaborate a bit more on the breakup?

 

From my own experiences, the best thing you can do is to let her initiate everything. She knows that you care about her, you've made that clear. If she doesn't react the way you want her to (or react at all) it doesn't mean "Oh, she has no idea how I feel. I have to do something else to show her how much I love her..." She already knows, so let her worry about what she's going to do with that information.

 

Keep yourself open to a relationship / friendship with her, but in the meantime, let her contact you. She seems to be confused, and there's no need for you to get yourself caught up in the mix right now. You seem like a good, concerned guy, and she's aware of it.

 

God Bless!

[rich46]

Its hard to tell sometimes ,because she crosses that just friends boundry in my opinion.She 'll rub my leg ,rest her head on my shoulder and lean against me when we are sitting down.This is not" just friends " behaviour.

No it's not "just friends" behaviour but unfortunately it is common for exes to do this. Don't ask me why?! I guess it's because they know that they still have some kind of power over us, and so do it to prevent us getting over them completely...just in case. Deliberate or not, who knows, but that is why I had to do no contact as I couldn't handle the amount of mixed signals I got in just 1 week!

 

Rich

[slw1]

Thanks for the replies

 

The reason she broke up with me--I am still not sure really.She told me she didnt like where i was in my life.At the time I wasnt happy about my life i hated my low paying, non skilled job ,I had little money,and didn't have any skills to advace myself in life. So,sometimes I was in a depressed mood around her,but she was the only thing that made me happy.She also told me at the beginning of our relationship;that she didnt want a serious relationship.It became serious ,but she told me it had felt right so she folded.

 

She broke up with me twice.The first time she asked me back after three weeks.We were together for three weeks,and she broke up with me again.The day aftre that she called to apologize for getting mad at me and asked me out to a movie.I never went and did NC for two weeks.When I called after two weeks we spoke on the phone for 3 hours.She was sort of sad and happy to hear from me,and wanted me to ask her out ,but only if I was comfortable with our new relationship(friends).I tried this for a month ,but she kept giving me mixed signals(touching me in intimate ways)and had to step back.That is when I started the 2 and half months of NC.

 

Since then I have quit my job and returned to school fulltime,and now I am happy about myself for the first time in a very lomg tine.I think she sees the improvement in me now,but is a little nervous of what to think about me sometimes.I am really patient with her,because she is very busy with her life(studying for a phd.).

[makeshiftdoll]

Hmm... sounds to me like she has a lot on her plate. She sounds to be very wishy-washy, and that's a problem she has to deal with on her own. I know you want to be there with her and help her sort out whatever it is she needs to sort out, but make sure you take care of yourself first. You say you are at a happy place in your life now... good for you! Keep going with that, and don't worry about it impressing her. This is about you now.

 

Like I said, pull yourself out of the situation a bit. Don't tell her you're going to do that, but just make yourself less available. Let her come to you, and don't be so quick to spend time with her. Make her work for it. You're worth it after all.

[slw1]

Hey Makeshiftdoll.. thanks for the excellant advise.

 

Just to be clear ,returning to school was 100% for my own reasons.

 

The wishy-washiness is what confuses and hurts me the most.Think I should ever mention it to her ,or just leave it alone?