can you die of broken heart ?

[jackson5045]

Wasn't going to post this but I have dispensed enough half assed advice on this sight I think that people have a right to know at least the basics of my story, or the most recent chapter anyway.

 

About 4 years ago I spent a great weekend with a great girl who was at the time a friend. Really more the sister of a good friend, a good female friend. I never pursued it really, was worried about being rejected and having crappy time luck wise with relationships. By the time I worked out I should pursue her she had someone else.

 

Time brought us back around to each other and what started as a renewed friendship turned to love very quickly. We had ups and downs and long distance hassles for a time. She has a terrible history with men, treated badly in ways that few people could imagine and I thought that love could conquer her fears, dull the pain of the past and smooth the future for us both.

 

Her sister, my friend hated us having something independent of her. She is a very jealous and dominating type of person and tried to poison me against my girl from day one. She spent a year trying to turn me against her sister including trying to have sex with me on more than one occasion. She had tried that prior to my being with her sister.

 

I loved this girl so much. Marriage, kids could see it all. The sister, my supposed friend eventually realized her mistake in trying to turn me against my girl. After so long trying to turn me with no affect, she turned her against me. It only took a couple of days too. To this day I still don't know what happened. That was 10 months ago.

 

I have gotten about 90% over it but I am really not sure how. I was so devastated when this happened and the emotional pain made me physically sick for months.

 

I think now that she was my last chance at being with someone in the very long term and I am likely to spend the rest of my life alone. Its not that I couldn't spend my life alone, I just don't want too.

 

Then, and here is the kicker, she set her own sister up with her ex boyfriend of the week before! They ran off happily into the sunset for about 3 or 4 months, my girlfriend and her sisters cast off. We spoke once after that. She told me to never ever contact her again in anyway ever. No reason, no why, her voice was so cold and so uncaring.

 

Then about six months later, after telling me she never ever wants to see me or hear from me again she turns up saying sorry, I have changed, I have made mistakes, and wants to be friends again. She went on about depression and how unhappy she had been and while I feel for her she hurt me so much I cant get past it where she is concerned.

 

I had reached a measure of peace with not knowing what happened after one hell of a lot of torment from the unknown. And I know she doesn't really want to be friends, she wants absolution.

 

Should I grant that absolution?

If she wanted to be friends I think be able to do that but what she wants is that technical friendship where all is forgiven but we never see each other or speak. Tried a couple of gestures and we even made plans to see each other as friends but she cancelled twice.

 

The one time I did her when she just showed up as she left she kissed me on the mouth and still calls me babe or baby in text messages. But no she doesn't want to get back together, and I wouldn't anyway.

 

She is a good person, she has just had a terribly hard life and I think I have absorbed more than enough of her pain for her? Now I wish she would just leave me alone. Cant bring myself to say that to her though.

 

What do you think?

 

Will welcome any comments!

[Strandysmommy]

I know this might sound mean, but it sounds like she's emotionally abusing you. Perchance she's had so much hurt in her life she is giving it back, perhaps to protect herself. Honestly, I would forgive her, but not talk to her ever again. I mean she gets what she wants, which is forgiveness, and you can have peace of mind in knowing you did forgive her. I guess it just sounds like a really creepy situation, her sister doing what she did, and then turning your girl against you. If she really cared, she would not have run off---ok well, now that I think of it, maybe she had no choice, maybe her sister really turned up the heat under her. But really, with her saying to never contact her again, and then showing up and giving you all this business about depression. Do you in your heart believe she's telling you the truth? Or is she perhaps just feeding you a line so that she can get something out of you?

 

As I said, I'd forgive her, but I wouldn't make much effort to contact her. If she comes to you, maybe a good way to put it is: "You hurt me so much, and I think I'm going to need some time to deal with this. I think it would be best if we didn't communicate for awhile." Easier said than done, but you need to protect your heart, you don't deserve to be played for a chump.

 

That's just my thoughts

[sasha12]

that must be so confusing for you. It sounds like her sister had a lot of influence on her and that her sister isn't much of a good person. Now I understand more of how you are feeling. I'm sorry that you are going through this.

[jackson5045]

thanks for the input

i really appreciate it

 

and yes her sister has a huge influence on her

they are 8 years apart and her sister is more of a mother figure than a sister fugure, she sort of raised her in a way

 

a couple of friends admire how far i had come in such a short time and i have wondered what it was that got me almost over it in as short a time as i did and the best i can figure is this - there was a reality check point - about 2 weeks after it all happened before i found out she was with this other guy i had sent her a text message trying ti get her to talk to me

she sent me a message by mistake that was meant for her new guy - the message was so insulting about me and so uncaring saying that i was stupid and she wished i would leave her alone - maybe it was the reality check that i needed

 

thanks again for your input

jack