Don't know how to get over it

[blushes]

Hi

I just joined the forum and been reading a bit, wanted to share my story with you and if anyone has any help on how to get over this........

 

until 5 weeks ago i was blissfully happy with who i thought was the person i was going to spend the rest of my life with, this was a LDR but we had met and spent real time together and everyone that knew us was jealous even that we had something so strong and beautiful, we were together for 11 months exactly and had plans for me to fly there before Christmas, I kept pinching myself for a long time that someone loved me so much but after we spent time together I knew I had nothing to worry about, we were going to last forever, all his friends and family were happy for us, his kids saw me every day in life in these 11 months and knew how much their father loved me, id never felt happier in my life, then 5 weeks ago he wasnt online when he finished work which was unusal, the full weekend passed and i couldnt contact him, his mother couldnt get him neither and i was worried as he had always sworn that hed never leave for longer than he had to without getting in touch, instantly i knew something bad had happened and although i didnt want to think it was another woman the thought was still there, by the monday i was beside myself then saw an email he has sent that afternoon, it was not the usual hi baby title but a formal hello, i felt cold to bone as i read what was written.....

basically his first love from 18 years ago had arrived at his door the night i had last saw him and he knew he shouldnt have any feeling but he was tormented that he did feel something for her when he saw her, he didnt know what to do and was being honest with me, I called him the next night and when he heard my voice he broke into tears telling me he loved me but needed time to deal with what he felt, I told him not to push me away i did understand some of how he must be feeling, he said he would get here the next night for me but didnt arrive, the day after i called again and he came online and we saw each other for the first time in a whole week, i was a mess crying all over the place and he seemed calmer, he answered the questions that i asked and said he was sorry, he had slept with her in the 2 days since we had last talked, i was devastated, he said he didnt want me living a dream with him when he could no longer offer me one, honest again, i said dont worry the bubble just burst and his last words will cut me forever. with comments like these is prbably the reason he wont be online to know what he did was wrong . it will be with him forever. and with that he left. I have not heard anything from him since and sent 2 letters via post which i have no idea if he got, his mum is in touch once weekly and i live for my chats with her, see i still want to know what is going on over there.. shes told me that this woman has a baby only months old, that she is has not too a good reputation and that she had practically moved in, well hes changed his number i cant call anymore, and the last news i had was that he was getting married at the weekend past, no one can understand the change, he has virtually cut off his family for this new stuff, his mothers heartbroken and my life is over.

 

sorry its a bit long

any help on what i can do from here pleaseeeee

[pineapplegirl]

My heart goes out to you. When a break up happens, the hurt is pretty bad...But when the break up is more like the rug being pulled out from underneath you, the pain is likely worse. There's only a couple suggestions I have:

*cry

*stay in contact with his Mom

*realize that even though he was perfect for you, he didn't think the same way about you

 

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but if this guy's X just fell out of the clear blue sky and he's back with her-then your relationship didn't really have a chance to succeed. It sounds like he always held a part of his heart away from you because of the other girl...

[blushes]

hi there pineapple girl and thanks for your kind words

i will keep in touch with his mother there are too many mysterys surrounding his actions the last 5 weeks for anyone involved to understand what or why he is doing this, like why the need to run into a marriage with her after not seeing her for 18 long years, thats something pretty drastic for someone to do in the space of a few weeks, there is also the fact that hardly any of his family like this woman . I for one sure dont like what ive heard, there is nothing i can do for now and part of me will always love him dearly, part of me hopes that he gets what he deserves and a part of me hopes that some day he will come back and talk to me, he is offline completely and has been for 5 weeks, and that hope is fading every day, but i do know and so does his family that he really did love me before she arrived and that he is the type of person who will have guilt, i just live in hope for now.

tell me i am mad to do this but for me there is no other way

[tea]

Is he already going out with her? It sounds like he is.

 

Maybe you can ask him to keep communication channel open when you both have the courage to deal with this. You can be friends first? I know it sounds very naive, but I'm thinking... if you're still friends you'll know when they'll break up...

[blushes]

tea....

going out with her already ????????? they got married 1o days ago

 

as far as asking him to be friends goes, there is no way i can do this as he hasnt been online in 6 weeks and he appears to have his telephone number changed and cut himself off from his family who do not care for this woman in the least

 

for the first week i sent a few emails and posted one written letter, then left it a week and sent another letter with a gift i had been making for him, his mother tells me that if this woman had gotten her hands on the mail first then he would never have got it as she is the type to trash it before he saw it, and his pc hasnt been turned on in over 5 weeks so the emails havent even been opened at all, she also must have a bad history in relationships as she has 3 kids ranging from 17 down to the youngest a 5 month old baby.

 

I am only in touch with his mother but once a week and it kills me waiting to hear from her, she is also heartbroken in all this mess and truly cares about me, as does his brother, his wife and the oldest kid i know what he thinks of it all too cuz he had a chance to talk to me briefly one day

 

Hope dies every day of ever hearing from him again, the only life i have in me is when i hear from his mum for now

 

 

 

no one understands what happened to him other than the fantasy of her being his first love all the years ago (18 years is long long time huh)

[tea]

Well, we can foresee another failed marriage?

 

People change after 18 years, without getting used to each other again and jumping into marriage like that isn't that smart.

 

Can you blame his mom for not liking her? Wow.

 

Yeah, it really doesn't look like you'll have a chance to speak to him anytime soon, except maybe hopes for their marriage to fail.. but it'll take a few years.

[ultimate_frisbe]

I think that it is time you for to start moving on. I think that you have in some ways but it is also apparent that you haven't. With time your heart will heal and be happy that this happened to your relatinoship now and not in ten years. If this man had that much feeling for a woman that he knew 18 years ago and didn't have enough trust and respect in your relationsip to stay with you, then it really wouldn't have lasted anyway.

 

I know that this stinks. I know that you have been totally destroyed by the betrayal and your heart is broken. But with time your heart will heal. everyday will become a little better but you need to find ways to occupy your mind and begin thinking about other things.

 

LDR relationships are hard to maintain because people can't always be together. But if two people truly loved each other then thay would be able to overcome that. If their relationship was strong then they would be able to overcome that. I think that this guy didn't truly love you, and as happy as you were your relationship with this man was not a strong one. Apparently he truly loved his ex-girlfriend and current wife. WIFE! He is married now, you need to find a way to move on.