To The One I Love, But Does She Love Me?

[c0LLaPse]

Before reading, I am trying to give the important details of this senario so if you feel that I have skipped over something , please be free to P/M me and ask for further definition on this matter.

 

I was currently dating a young lady for the last month that I have a past with. We were engaged about 5 yearz ago and broke up. We were both young and were heading in different directions. At the time she had one daughter who I simply adore and vise versa. So about a month ago she calls me out of the blue and wants to go out on a date, take things slow. " No Probz " I says, and so it starts off slow and easy. No kissing, nothing. The following week later we are chatting on the phone and we discuss direction of life, her's & mine. We come to the agreement that we are both heading the same way, cool cool I am thinking. Next big step is my lease is up @ the place I am renting. I mention it to her on an evening we are about to go out and she suggests that I move in. NOTE: we have lived together before. Eithercase I agree. Now the situation has changed a bit, she has another daughter of 2 Y/O and her other daughter is 9 Y/O. Things are good, I start staying there and life is honky dorey. Her home needs a few minor fix-ups which I am good @ so I chat with her about it and she is in agreeance about it. So I start lining things up to get fixed, have her go out and buy some new stuff for the home as well, kitchen/bath/what-not type items. One night to show my love and affection for her, I went out abd bought her a very nice diamond tennis bracelet. She was very pleased. So a few weeks past and this last week , she has distanced herself a bit. We had some minor distputes but nothing big. It happens and it is natural. So last Thursday evening the kids are gone @ dad's house (they have the same biological father) and I wake her to come lay in bed. She breaks out how she loves me , but doesn't feel this " attraction " to me. At this point I am just confused. She states how She likes what I am doing and I have done, but she is not sure what she wants and can't be a g/f to me, however I am welcome to stay in the home. Now I considered this for the sake of her daughters and everything and I respectfully declined. WE left as friends and are talking. Now also I might add she has was married after we broke the first time and it was not the most pleasent marrige. I tried not to move faster than her or what she wanted , but as soon as she moved fast , I tried to keep up with her. What is the deal here? I am totally head over heals for this girl, and I love her and her daughters so very much. I have done my very best here to try and make things more comfortable in the home finacially and parentally while also being very considerable about her feelings and trying my best to be her friend. I am not saying I am this perfect guy, but man I put alot into this last month with herand it is just like my entire concept fell apart in front of me " Faith Collapsing ". We taled a bit today as friends and it went well, but I am still so confused on what I actually did wrong or what I could have adjusted to make her more confortable. Should I have stayed for the kids? Am I drowning?

[tryingtoletgo]

I just went trou exactly the same as you the only I was in it for 4 years, sometimes I feel that women dont appreciate a nice guy they rather with some one thath treats them like crap, or may be they allready have some one on the side to replace us

[c0LLaPse]

It is weird. She contacted me, she asked me to move in. I kept up with her pace and she dumps m. Weird, very. Do I love her? With all my heart. The girl of my dreams. Maybe it all came on so fast, hard to say. Time will tell

[zveric]

Dude, this girl is messing with you. She thinks she can have you or not have you, or have you as a friend, or a boyfriend, and that you'll be OK whichever way. You are probably a really solid, trustworthy, easy going guy. Women ned drama, and often trauma, to keep from getting bored. That's why they go for the losers and the A*oles. I would give her an earfull, even if just so she'll respect you. It's clear she doesn't now.

 

Some women (and men too I imagine) think FRIEND and SUCKER are the same word with different spellings.

 

You need to date a girl who's hotter, and younger than this love of you life, both for you, and just so She knows you're not gonna be a rental.

 

Good luck. That's hard.

[CA_Sunshine]

Dude, this girl is messing with you. She thinks she can have you or not have you, or have you as a friend, or a boyfriend, and that you'll be OK whichever way. You are probably a really solid, trustworthy, easy going guy. Women ned drama, and often trauma, to keep from getting bored. That's why they go for the losers and the A*oles. I would give her an earfull, even if just so she'll respect you. It's clear she doesn't now.

 

Some women (and men too I imagine) think FRIEND and SUCKER are the same word with different spellings.

 

You need to date a girl who's hotter, and younger than this love of you life, both for you, and just so She knows you're not gonna be a rental.

 

Good luck. That's hard.

 

I think that this assessment is really jumping to a lot of conclusions. Speaking as a woman, most women don't need drama or trauma to keep from getting bored. It sounds like you are speaking from a very jaded position and I don't think that what you're saying applies to this situation. And "giving her an earful" isn't likely to generate much respect.

 

c0LLaPse: I think it's possible that when she knew you needed a place to live, she offered to have you move in out of friendship, but maybe at that time with not any more expectation than that. And it could be that when you offered to do some work on the house and help out in other ways, she was happy to accept that, maybe subconsciously wanting or needing to be taken care of, especially if the marriage she came out of wasn't pleasant and she wasn't getting those things before. (I think that is often a very strong need for us women, even though we don't always acknowledge or admit it.) But maybe she wasn't ready for more than that yet. Things progressed quite quickly in a short amount of time, and maybe what she needed more than anything at this point was your friendship.

 

I think you were wise not to stay there for the kids. If you can't have an intimate relationship and it would eventually mean parting anyway (and at some point that would likely happen), then it would be a lot harder on the kids having you around for a time, forming a strong bond, and then having to lose you.

 

It's good that you've remained friends. Maybe you need to continue that friendship, and just slowly see if it develops into anything more. We all have baggage that we carry from previous relationships. There is bound to be some that you both have, and just because you were together before doesn't mean that things would automatically fall back into place when you came back together. Sometimes it takes time and a lot of patience to work things through.

 

I'm not saying that the attraction will eventually come for her, I have no idea. But sometimes an attraction comes after the deep bond of friendship is established. I know you were friends (and more) before, but a lot has happened in the meantime, and I think that in a sense this needs to be a complete starting over.

 

Also, alot of times we send mixed signals. Not intentionally, but because we often don't know what we want ourselves and so it's hard to be clear to someone else when you aren't even sure of your own feelings.

 

I don't want to build up any false hope here, just trying to give a little of the female perspective.

 

Wishing you all the best.

[c0LLaPse]

To CA_Sunshine. I agree with alot of what you say. I do things went quickly, even thought it was starting to speed up, it may have been to fast for her. Her and I have both changed in the last few years and have grown. I know she is looking out for the better interest of her daughters and herself, sometimes stepping on the needs of others, with the unintention to harm , but protect what she knowz. I do understand that. I however, am in love with her, and willing to accept what she has to offer. I myself have changed from when I first met her @ the age of 20 till current time. I have become a bit more wise and understand more of what I truly want from life. I have also been known to come on strong and teake command, not nessesarily a negative manner, but I am naturally a dominate character. I am sure she has been through hell and maybe what she needs is that friend she can trust vs. that perfect hero type b/f. Friendship is one of the strongest bonds I thing in any relationship. From friendship comes communication and trust. With that comes love and so on. I am doing my best to hold my head high and not break down. I love her with all my heart as well as her little girls. It is intuition. She feels so right , so complete. Where the last 5 years when ever I have dated a female none of them felt right. All were flakey and . blah. She is everything I could wish for in a female. We have so many memories. I do not know what this life holds for me, I only know to go one. I can only hope she chooses someday to share her life with me on the level I wish to share mine with her. BTW, I am not interested in finding a younger, hotter female. I thankyou for the advice, but I have been there as well and found no satifaction @ all in that path. I am also in the middle of a movie, and I am not doing a spell check so if you see any typo's , please iggy them =)

[c0LLaPse]

Sometimez, I wonder what I did so wrong for this to end this way when I love her so dearly. I just don't understand what happened. I tried so hard, but in the end it wasn't enough