Friend married another guy last weekend

[bexcelant]

Well she went and did it. She married him. My best friend from of two years. She didn't contact me about getting married. Didn't say anything to me since last July. Everytime I wanted to talk to her she ran away. She can't communicate. It's been a hard year for me. Doing no contact and hoping that she'd break it off. I told her how I felt and well I guess I lost it all. No friend, no girlfriend and now she's with him and married.

 

So there I am sitting at lunch with some friends the day after she's married and of course the girl who sang at her reception sits directly opposite of me. She looks me squarly in the eye and proceeds to give me every little detail about their wedding. Can fate just reach in and twist the knife in my gut just a little more? Ughh.

 

Well I suppose that if you don't take big risks in life you don't get big rewards. Have I learned anything out of this? Yes. Strike when the iron is hot. Don't let opportunity slip through your fingertips. Communicate Communicate Communicate. I can't stress this last one enough and that means for both people. It didn't have to end our friendship. All she had to do was speak up, set her boundaries and expectations. Yet through it all...all I ever got was I don't want to lose you as my friend and then she proceeded to cut me off. Some friend huh?

 

Now we are finished. No wedding invite. Nothing. It's like I never existed in her life. Oh she did call me about 7-8 times through this whole ordeal we still went out for dinner twice but mostly she avoided me.

 

The loss of a best friend is tough. Especially one that you're in love with. Perhaps this is for the best. She can move on with her life and I'll move on with mine. I still know that deep down she loved me but she chose to go in another direction. I had my chance but instead we became best friends. No Harry met Sally ending here. When I told her how I felt she looked at me and said, "Why didn't you say anything sooner? I have already committed". Then she started to tear up. Sigh.

 

Well life goes on. I wish so much that things could have been different. That we could at least have preserved the friendship. Even though she's married now, I think we could still have had that loose connection. Y'know like talk every now and then and catch up. Sorta like that. It's obvious we'll never be the type of friends we once were.

 

If she would have just talked to me, I'd have told her that I'd be her friend, that I only wanted what is best for her and for her to be happy. I would tell her that "yes" I loved her and that I'd need more time to come to grips with the situation and I"d get back to her later after I had dealt with things. Maybe I have an unrealistic view but then again in a perfect world.....

 

Well I"ll find a new girlfriend. It's just a matter of time but I'll never make the mistake of turning a girl into a friend that I am attracted to. It's better to take the risks and flame out rather than not taking the chance at all. Maybe I'm just jaded and it's ok to be friends that turn into more but my experiences of being friends with someone of the opposite sex and wanting more have not been good ones. On the other hand, I have only felt, "THE BIG LOVE", with people that I have developed a friendship with. I don't have all the answers but I sure do wish that things would be easier than this.

 

So, anyone else had something like this happen to them? Comments?

[chanceit]

This has happened to me when i was 16/17

 

I asked out a friend - but i left it too late - she'd been asked out by someone else the day before. and we had a conversation something like this...

 

"sorry, i can't i would but i'm going out with ...... Why didn't you say anything sooner." (ouch - no need to say that - why couldn't you just say no i don't feel that way)

 

"OK we can still be friends right?"

 

"Yeah definatly" (lier - you don't want to see me ever again)

 

Anyway fastforward 3 years nd 3 or 4 boyfriends later to about a month a go - i've not seen her more that 4 or 5 times in that time and she lives in the same town as me so i would not call us gd friends anymore. Anyway my mate who is friends with her calls me up sayin that he's to the pub as a leaveing thing as she's off of uni the next day and would you like to come.

 

I went any she just ignored me pretty much the whole time. I didn't get a chance to chat. Anyway basically she's off home and says goodbye to everyone except me. Its like i didn't exist.

 

I used to hate her so much because i loved her and never got the chance to see her - just to catch up i didn't want or imply i ever wanted anything more. ](*,)

 

The thing is i'd talk to her sometimes on the phone or on her own and it would be like how it used to be we'd be really chatty. But as soon as she's with other people she'd totally ignore me. I don't understand why she's like this with me.

 

I still feel jaded by this i think - not because of it being rejection (thats easy to deal with) but the way it happened

[DBL]

A few of my x's have been married now. The first one to get married felt a bit strange. I was with her for a couple of years and really thought we would of been married. After the first it didn't seem so weird any more. It happens as we get older. I actually showed up to an x's wedding reception unannounced one time, sat down and had a few drinks at the bar. That was a lot of fun. That was my way of saying..."I won". She made my life so miserable, that making her wedding suck felt pretty good. That stunt stuck in peoples minds forever. Now any time one of my x's get married, nobody will tell me the date or the place. I only planned on doing this once and that is because I felt my x did not deserve a day of happiness and it was really a spur of the moment decision. I would of never went to the others weddings, but with the reputation I had nobody I guess nobody wanted to chance that. Some of the grooms friends did come up to me and thought me being there was hysterical, but they also encouraged me to leave before I had my butt handed to me. I can remember the look on my x's face when she walked to the end of the bar to the jukebox and seen me sitting there.

 

Anyway...hind sight is always 20/20. Maybe if you spoke up sooner things may have worked, or maybe things would of ended up worse. I would think your friendship with her will be very diminished. She is married now, and may be thinking of having kids. It is her time to move on and create a new life, and now it is your time to pick up your pieces and move on too. A lot of us are always going to ask ourselves "what if?". I have my regrets for one girl that could of been. I was a jerk to her though. If I owed anybody an apology it would be her.

 

Anyway...hang in there and look towards a brighter future.

DBL

[bexcelant]

Well to hear your stories they are making me feel better. Especially about going to the ex's wedding. I thought about doing that but decided that it was probably best that I didn't. Well yah, I feel jaded because of all the misunderstandings, lack of communication, lack of closure, lack of being two adults about it. I suppose some people just aren't mature enough to deal openly and honestly and just run away. That in the end is the worst thing to do. I have learned out of all this on truism that stands the test of time. "Honesty is the Best Policy". In the end the kindest thing to do is to tell the truth. Sure it might hurt a little but in the long run, you can salvage your friendship, set things right, and make amends with each other. In my case I would have hurt a bit but I would have said, ok good luck much earlier on instead of getting strung along. Take that hope away and you're no longer in love. Simple as that.

 

BEX