Fewer opportunities

[MattW]

I find myself in a position once again where I'm feeling lost and confused when it comes to "finding love". In a few months, I'll be 24, and not only have I never actually dated, but I've only ever met maybe two girls I actually wanted to date.

 

The first one was when I was younger, and to be honest, I was really stupid and naive about it, and nothing ever came of that, except me making a complete fool of myself. The second is more recent, in fact, some of you may have seen my recent posts; I've developed feelings for a girl I've known for a little while now, and I really thought I felt a vibe from her that she was interested, but when I worked up the courage to ask her out, she couldn't give me a definite answer (and as has been pointed out to me by a number of various people, if its not a definite yes, then its a no).

 

After that first girl, I really reevaluated my perception of relationships, and that combined with a lot of other bad stuff I was seeing happen within my family, I decided "love", dating, etc. wasn't for me. Then that second girl came a long, and I opened up that part of me and took a shot (which I do not regret one bit, I might add), and I've gotten my first proper rejection. Bums me out a bit, even though I understand her reasoning.

 

The thing about me is, I'm not "normal" in that I have zero interest in approaching and dating a stranger. I prefer to get to know a girl for a while before I attempt to date her. But having only been attracted to two girls (and only the second one in a realistic way) in my life, I sort of feel like I have fewer opportunities to find someone. Rejection stings a bit more because who knows when, if ever, I might develop an attraction to somebody else? It takes me so long to find someone, and being that rejection is more likely than acceptance, that it would seem I have a long, frustrating road ahead of me.

 

So, I'm... not really sure what my original point of making this post was. I guess I just wonder if its worth it for someone like me to bother holding out hope that there's someone out there that I'll be attracted to, that will also be attracted to me. Perhaps I'm not quite "old" yet, but the years are starting to slip by me, and its just a little depressing to me.

[blueidealist24]

So that girl said you couldn't go out because you're coworkers?

 

Btw, I know what you mean about rejection hurting a lot because it's hard for you to find someone you're actually interested in. I feel the same way although I've opened myself up to more options with online dating and can find a few more people I'm interested in that way.

 

I prefer to know the person well too, like develop an attraction over time, but it seems like most people don't want to date people they're already close with and if the attraction doesn't happen like BAM, they walk away and find someone else.

[MattW]

So that girl said you couldn't go out because you're coworkers

 

When I asked her out, all she really said was that she's dated coworkers in the past and it always ended badly, before saying she'd think about it. But I don't expect anything to come of it when I see her next. I understand her reasoning, and I appreciate her honesty, but it still sort of stings, just because of the way I am.

[blueidealist24]

When I asked her out, all she really said was that she's dated coworkers in the past and it always ended badly, before saying she'd think about it. But I don't expect anything to come of it when I see her next. I understand her reasoning, and I appreciate her honesty, but it still sort of stings, just because of the way I am.

 

Oh.. you still haven't seen her again.. ok.

[Blue92]

What kind of traits attracted you to this woman? And, there is nothing wrong with dating a complete stranger just to get a little experience or perhaps even meet a new friend... you never know who you can fall in love with until you open yourself up to people...

[MattW]

What kind of traits attracted you to this woman? And, there is nothing wrong with dating a complete stranger just to get a little experience or perhaps even meet a new friend... you never know who you can fall in love with until you open yourself up to people...

 

Just the way we got along, really. Actually, I've known her for about a year, but its only been the last few months that I've realized how much I like her. And yeah, I don't mean to make it sound like dating strangers is "bad", but its just not for me, I could never do that.

[Ms Darcy]

Matt you focus too much on two things: 1. I am attracted to few women. 2. Rejection hurts.

 

I think you need to focus moreso on making yourself an attractive guy so that more women will be interested. You can focus all day on looking at women and focusing on how their looks and actions make you feel but if you are not thinking SIMILARLY about yourself you are not going to get any where in dating. Are you attractive (mentally, physically) ... do you offer the male counter of the female you seek?

 

I think you really need to focus on this and your experiences will really shift.

[MattW]

Matt you focus too much on two things: 1. I am attracted to few women. 2. Rejection hurts.

 

I think you need to focus moreso on making yourself an attractive guy so that more women will be interested. You can focus all day on looking at women and focusing on how their looks and actions make you feel but if you are not thinking SIMILARLY about yourself you are not going to get any where in dating. Are you attractive (mentally, physically) ... do you offer the male counter of the female you seek?

 

I think you really need to focus on this and your experiences will really shift.

 

I think I'm good enough, really. Physically, the only "attraction-killers" I really have are the things I have no control over (height, etc.). I might be a tad out of shape, but I'm not overweight, and it's really not even noticeable unless I were to strip down (which I NEVER do in front of another person, so it's a non-issue). Besides, I've seen guys who are heavier, in worse shape than me, and/ or even not as good looking as me (in my opinion), with pretty nice women in their lives; so from my perspective, if they can get nice women without being "perfect" physically, why can't I?

 

As far as personality, I'll admit, in general, I'm a bit reserved; I don't usually make good first impressions, and it often takes a number of interactions with me before I start opening up, at which point, many people warm up to me a bit more. I tend to still keep a certain "distance" from people, emotionally, but when I find people I really connect with (which isn't often, and the girl I'm interested now is/ was one of those people), I find myself opening up more, being more personable and fun to be around.

 

I guess, generally speaking, I'm not much of a "people person". In general, I don't like people very much, but at the same time, I still want some people in my life. I'm just extremely picky about who I open up to and get attached to, based on their personalities. I'm indifferent to a majority of the people I meet, but on the rare occasion I meet someone I actually like, I can't help but develop some kind of attachment.

[SAButterfly]

MattW,

I'm a lot like you. I don't click with people very often (rarely, in fact): get the spark/butterflies, etc., and I find that I can't start a relationship with someone unless that happens. When I clicked with my ex, everything seemed to finally make sense. We were friends first- spent a lot of time together as friends. There was a mutual attraction and we enjoyed the same activities, had the same sense of humor. We liked getting up early in the mornings and traveling. The main issue was that he was a couple years younger and the thought of settling freaked him out. I know he hasn't seriously dated anyone since me (9 months ago) and neither have I. It's just so frustrating.

 

You're lucky that you're 24. I'm in my early 30s when many people have either settled or have found someone that they want to settle with. I'm scared that I'm not going to click with anyone else again.