Trying to bounce back

[Irishag33]

Ive never belonged to any kind of website like this before but when I came accross this one, I felt comforted by reading all these different posts and to know that there are others who are going through the same thing. I was recently dating this guy for about half a year, I really fell for him in those 6 months and constantly felt that he was too good to be true. Turns out I was right. I found out he has been cheating on me for the last 2 months of our relationship and pretty much living a double life. The feeling of betrayal that I have is one that I've never felt before. I trusted this man with so much more than you can imagine. I've had a very jaded past with another man who really broke my heart. I confided in this man who cheated on me about my past relationship and he made me feel like I could really trust him. When i found out, he was extremely cold towards me about it and tried to save the relationship with the other girl. I feel as though i will never trust another man as long as i live and i know its wrong to feel that way. I also know that time heals all wounds and that eventually I will be able to eat and sleep again but I guess I just need a place to express my emotions and maybe some encouraging words to be reminded that I will eventually be okay.

[lavenderdove]

I'm really sorry! Sadly it is more common than most people know for some people to live double lives seeking their own pleasure without reference to the impact of their behavior on those involved with them.

 

But the good news is there ARE just as many good people out there who don't cheat and don't want to live double lives deceiving people. You do have to kiss a lot of toads to find your prince! The trick is that as time goes on you learn a lot, and learn the signs of someone who might have issues, and can weed them out of your own life sooner. The sooner you get rid of a loser (and get over him), the sooner you can get on to finding a good guy who will treat you right.

 

One hint is to stop focusing so much on your own feelings for him, and really look at the behavior and how he is treating you, how invested he is in you, how reliable and honest he is in all parts of his life to determine if he has good character or not. It is easy to fall for someone, then it blinds you to all the evidence that the person is not who they seem. So try to learn how to keep your eyes open and don't ignore warning signs as they crop up.

 

Why did you trust this man more than you can imagine? Because of your feelings and hopes or because his behavior was impeccable? Trust is something that must be earned over time and thru knowledge and experience with the person, not instantly granted because you are excited about them and have emotions for them.

 

So the reality is you SHOULDN'T put a lot of trust in someone until you've know them quite a while, and long enough to evaluate them accurately. That is why it is never a good idea to get too serious about someone til you've known them for a couple years, so that you've had time to build evidence that the person is trustworthy or not. Anybody can look good for 6 months, but over the course of a couple years, you will really get to know the person's character.

 

This guy unfortunately didn't pan out for you, and 6 months isn't that long an investment in the scheme of life, so try to put that in perspective and realize that you shouldn't distrust all men just because a couple have been bad. Don't give your heart so easily, and let them prove themselves over time rather than just throwing yourself into it before you really know them.

[bw92116]

You will eventually be okay, and the fact that you came here for advise is a very good sign. It means you want to heal from that relationship and get on with your life. You will have to have a healing period and feel normal again, before you can enter into any new relationship. The healing period will probably involve some pain and crying, but that's necessary and part of the healing. Those will go away pretty soon. Do what you can to honor the past, but let it fade into the past, and focus on yourself and what want and need, and love yourself, take care of yourself, be good to yourself, and do what makes you happy. In time, you will have put that relationship behind you, and you will feel ready to start a new relationship, if you want one then, and you know already it will be better than the past.

[Irishag33]

Thank you so much for your responses, they made me feel better. I realize that it was only 6 months and i am normally not the kind of person who jumps in to relationships quickly. Because of the past I had with an ex, I usually have a guard up in the beginning and like to take my time. However, this man must be a genius when it comes to deceiving because he truly had me fooled. I thought we were going through similar situations and the things he said to me we're spot on with what I needed to hear. He really made me trust him and could not have seemed more genuine. I do feel naive at the fact that I trusted him so easily and started becoming serious with him so early but like I said, he had me fooled and not only that, but he is older than me and seemed to have his life together. I felt safe with him. I guess you live and you learn but it just sickens me that there are people out there like that who have no conscience or soul for that matter.