Too Available?

[KeepMe]

I couldn't decide where to put this but I went ahead and chose conversational tips since my main question is about texting. It seems like dating has always had some sort of rulebook to follow or some sort of guideline. In the movies and in books, dating and flirting is always considered a 'game'. I was wondering if people still view dating and flirting in this way.

 

For example, one of the biggest factors in dating and flirting was the 'availability' factor. You never wanted to be too available for the person you were dating/flirting with. If they would call you wouldn't answer and then call them back later. Or if they asked you to do something you would say you were busy and then get with them at a later time. Do people still do this? And what about texting? Do you find yourself waiting for a few minutes or hours before you text back? Is it unattractive if someone texts back too soon or would you prefer it?

[rlo619]

Yes the stupid ones do it's a new generation and a better way of doings things those with big egos would do the who texts who first. When someone texts you 5 minute max any longer some people might assume your not interested and stop. When dating or flirting texting under 3 minutes shows your attention is on that person and your interested. it's definitely not unattractive.

[Teaday]

I think most people just want someone who shows interest, but also has a life of their own. Part of that is finding a balance. Sadly, some people do treat this as a game or a manipulation tool.

 

I knew I was in a solid relationship when things progressed naturally and there was never a question of how long I should wait until I'd text him or when he was going to text me back. We'd return texts when we'd see them and were available. I think that happens when you're secure in a relationship too (completely new to me!). Nice and simple.

[LostInMyThoughts]

The game part of dating is stupid to me. I would prefer to be honest and open about feelings. WRT Too available, I think that's just plays on peoples desires to want what they can't have. By being too available, you come accross as less desirable. I wouldn't really want to be with someone who has nothing going on with their life. I would much prefer someone who has hobbies and interests that I could learn to be a part of, rather than a homebody who does nothing interesting with themselves. Me specifically, I don't answer the phone if I don't want to talk. Also I try to be responsive to texts--depending on the content. I think the implied part of texting is that it's asynchronous and not real-time demanding. I can send you a message and you can respond whenevs. The trouble occurs when you like someone, you want to talk to them, and can't occupy your time while waiting for them to respond.

[angrythoughts]

I hate that some people will take forever to text back just so they don't look desperate or it supposedly should make the person like you more. I don't get it. It may work though. Who knows. I never really tested out. I just text back as soon as I see it, like a normal person. Rather than intentionally delaying messages. -_____-

[epsilon2x]

Being too available I think is referring more to scenarios like canceling previous plans and dropping everything at the drop of a hat to go out with your date. I don't get into the whole 'lie and say I was busy' just to play games with girl's heads.

 

As far as texting goes, I don't text girls that I'm dating for the very reasons you mentioned. I'll let them know up front early on that I don't like texting so they're not able to play those games with me. If they want to communicate with me, we call each other.