Some comfort?

[fifi8]

Hi everyone,

 

It's been some time since I was on here, and I'm just returning to offer some encouragement.

 

The pain of a breakup varies from person to person. Sometimes we realise we weren't all that happy with that person anyway, but for a lot of us, it's pure agony.

 

There are a lot of labels given to us when we seem to struggle with prolonged grief after a breakup - co-dependent, depressive etc. As if we don't feel bad enough already, we're being judged and stereotyped by the world. I wish I could change that, but I can't.

 

I know how much it hurts, how that hole inside your chest feels like it's swallowing every fiber of your being, like you're being sucked down into a vacuum. The pain is almost unbearable, the sense of loss profound. Then comes the time when you feel nothing - you're drained, you might have had dreams and desires once, but you don't seem capable of feeling anything. You want your old life back, but it's gone and you seem to have nothing left, and if you do have anything left, it's not worth having. Sound familiar?

 

You've also read every self-help book for how to get your partner back that was ever written. You've possibly also come to realise that a lot of what they say doesn't work.

 

But there are things that do work, for your good. Unless you're seriously depressed and I'm talking chemical imbalances here, there will come a morning when you wake up and don't want to die/cry. It may be the only morning for a week, but more will follow.

 

Secondly, life works in chapters - have you noticed that? Accept, as hard as it is, that you're beginning a new chapter. Because you are. You won't be the same after this breakup, you'll have changed - for the better. Because of all the self-examination you've done, you're an improved version of the old you. If someone left you because you were moody, can you honestly see yourself bringing that into another relationship? I highly doubt it. True pain creates great change.

 

Also, you're already tired - emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I know I was. But eventually I could make it onto my knees and let go, give it up. For me, I gave it up to God. Whatever you believe, you need to know this - you will unite with exactly who you're meant to unite with. You subtly influence that in millions of small ways, to bring about your own destiny. Feel at peace knowing that everything will work out for you, in your own best interest, if you keep holding that you want the best for yourself in your mind. Don't hold you and your ex getting back together in your mind. Just hold onto the life you want for yourself - keep seeing it, keep talking about it. Right now, as I said, you might not feel anything, but slowly, very slowly, it will come. A dream, a random thought that felt good.

 

I still remember watching TV, and I saw an ad for "Love Actually". It was six months after my breakup, and that Pointer Sisters' song "Jump (for my love)" was playing. And I started singing. Somewhere inside, hope had been sparked into flame. What a beautiful feeling.

 

I took that hope and built on it. One of the first things I did was to go to a website where people asked for prayer for their needs, and I prayed for one of them. Just one, it was all I could do. But seeing their response to what I wrote made me feel good, and so I did it again, for someone else, and again, and again. In praying for them, I'd actually started healing myself. It was all about them, but it was healing me. I took what little I had and gave it back, and it multiplied.

 

I held onto my thoughts of my future, what I wanted, where I wanted to be. And slowly, it all came to pass, and is still coming. I didn't reunite with my ex, I began dating someone else. I regret that my ex saw many unpleasant facets of my personality, but I thank him for the person I am now. I behave maturely, and I'm considerate and respectful of my partner. I like who I'm becoming.

 

I still love my ex, I'm sure a part of me always will on some level, but for now, he forms a part of the tapestry of my life. I haven't ruled out us reuniting, because it might be meant to be. But I focus on what I can accomplish for myself, what I can create through my own positive intent. Have you heard that expression "It's All About Me". You know what, sometimes it really is, and now is that time. If you want to do good in this world, it's all about you. How can you give to others when your own well has run dry?

 

Trust me, this will get better. But remember, this is a new chapter and when the pain subsides, decide who you will be and what you will have in your life. Then write a date one year from when you start making those decisions. And on that date, ask yourself if you still want that ex back. You might be surprised at your answer.

 

God Bless.

 

Fiona

[Belle]

beautiful

[paulo ribeiro]

Great post. Everyone who just went throught a break up should read it!

[rich46]

A great post!

 

I can particularly relate to this part:

Secondly, life works in chapters - have you noticed that? Accept, as hard as it is, that you're beginning a new chapter. Because you are. You won't be the same after this breakup, you'll have changed - for the better. Because of all the self-examination you've done, you're an improved version of the old you. If someone left you because you were moody, can you honestly see yourself bringing that into another relationship? I highly doubt it. True pain creates great change.

It is so true. The amount of self-examination I have done over the last 3 months has made me a lot stronger. Yes I can now see the relationship in a lot more clearer light, and that is something that I will take into future relationships.

 

Thanks fifi8!

 

Rich image removed