Post post break up- He told me to have a good life.

[bananashampoo]

Is it wrong to just start ignoring someone out of nowhere? I mean, who says you need to reply to every text you get?

 

I started ignoring my ex because he wasn't getting over me and he was making me uncomfortable by drunk texting. Today he asked me if i'm "Still alive", so I told him yes and said that I know I said we should be friends but I don't like how he is always making me feel bad for breaking up with him, then I told him I don't appreciate his drunk texts and that I don't even know if he remembers talking to me. His response was "Alright whatever. Have a good life."

 

I know that I shouldn't feel like crap for this but I really do, in a sense I feel like his response just reiterates why I broke up with him in the first place, so I guess I should be happy that he is making it easy for me, but I can't help but feel bad for the guy even though he treats me like crap. We never had a good relationship in the first place and we only dated for a short time, in which now he tells me was 'bad timing' for him.

 

Do you think this is really over or will I be hearing from him again? My friends say I will. Also, do you think ignoring him was a mean thing to do? I am still new to break ups and such and I am unsure of proper etiquette.

[LostInMyThoughts]

You'll definitely hear from him again. Everytime you respond, it encourages him to respond more. Is it rude to ignore his texts. No. You're not in a relationship anymore, and he's contacting you against your wishes.

 

It's natural for feel like crap. On one hand, he still has his barbs in you and can still push your buttons. On the other hand, you still care about him, see that he's in pain and you don't want to see him this way.

[dmarie86]

unfortunately i think i am in a similar position to your ex, have been e-mailing my ex, just casual things occasionally and he would always reply, until yesterday when everything went pear shaped and i lost it, told him how bad he treated me through the breakup etc. Needless to say he has moved on so does not care what i think anymore, and i am left feeling worse than before. No contact is definitely the way to go. Especially if there is to be any friendship in the future

 

Anyways back to you, what i am trying to say is that trying to be friendly with each other just isn't the way to go right now, so in my opinion i would stop replying to him. Lostinmythoughts is right, by replying you are just encouraging him to keep responding and although you may feel bad and still care for him, in order for him to move on you need to cease contact. As he is obviously still emotionally connected to the relationship it has to be you that stops replying.

He might very well send some nasty messages, trying to get a bite out of you but don't reply. You have made your wishes clear. eventually he will get the picture and move on

[rlo619]

He will text again.... and the feeling of crap is because you have a great heart and care about people be proud about that but you need to understand ignoring him is something that needs to be done he is bad news... The relationship was bad you went out for a short time no one is blaming you for ignoring i'd even go a step forward and ask him to leave you alone. WARNING this is the kind of guy your future boyfriend will not would or might WILL have a problem with. Your heart is in the right place but right now it's about that time you start listening to your friends and your mind.

[bananashampoo]

I really don't think I will, it has been 8 months since we broke up and maybe he wants to just move on like I do! But we will see haha.

 

I will try to be proud of having a great heart and caring . And I am going to continue to ignore him, especially if he's obviously drunk. I mean really, I deserve more respect than that.

 

I'm curious about your warning rlo619 though, do you think this person may get in the way of things with future boyfriends?

[rlo619]

My warning is true if you don't set him straight ex's can ruin future relationships it's happen to many people... Maybe not future boyfriends but forsure the next one you have.

[unanimous123]

Hi OP, I've read all the other threads you've posted. At this point, since you broke up with him, you need to make your stand and follow through, which means not contacting him anymore or responding to his messages, etc. Realize that doing NC is best for both of you, especially him, since he seems to be having such a hard time letting go. Communication with an ex is very hard because it can't be helped that it gives hope for reconciliation. The only exception of not doing NC with him is if you know you still want to give the relationship another go, in which case, talk to him and make sure it's not one-sided this time where you are putting all the effort. Only you can decided whether it's worth it or not.

[Staples 29]

Aww bless…. You definitely have to ignore him. It worked for me. My ex ignored my phone call and I kinda knew I should go no contact right after that because it was hard on both of us; well not really him. But I remember before he ignored that call, I called him on a Saturday morning, he missed it and called back immediately; because we were both so used to communicating with each other. And I told him I cared about him- it was the biggest bumbling episode ever but we laughed about it and he said we should give things time to cool down. I called him a week later which is the call he ignored and then that just gave me the kick I needed. I really can’t take any rubbish from someone so there. I wish I went no contact immediately he ended things but he had to tell me he loved me for the first time after so obviously my mind went into ‘let’s fix this’ mode. Sigh. I sent him a text the day after as I was calling to tell him about a breakthrough I’d been hoping for at work and apologised for contacting him as we had agreed to give it time. Notice how I manage to get my story in the advice. Lol

 

Like I said I haven’t contacted him ever since- not even drunk call/texts; thank God. And now I have no urge to. Not because I don’t miss him but as the saying goes ‘All my pride is all I have’. I am glad he ignored me because I otherwise wouldn’t have stopped contacting him; that was my first ever one sided, out of the blue break up experience so I think I learnt very fast.

 

With my first ex whom I broke up with, it’s much harder in that we were together for 4.5 years and I care about him a whole lot. We talk often and I just try to get the point accross that I don’t plan on getting back together in whatever way I can- mostly by encouraging him to go and meet other people. He truly deserves someone amazing and I hope he finds it.

[missscout]

Isn't he just 'reeling you in' as he knows how to press your buttons? if you reply, he'll win - you already know that ;-) Good luck!

[bananashampoo]

My warning is true if you don't set him straight ex's can ruin future relationships it's happen to many people... Maybe not future boyfriends but forsure the next one you have.

 

Yeah, I think I know what you mean and I have even had people say that they feel sorry for the next person I date. I don't want that to happen at all, so I will make sure things are set right before I embark on anything special.

[bananashampoo]

Hi OP, I've read all the other threads you've posted. At this point, since you broke up with him, you need to make your stand and follow through, which means not contacting him anymore or responding to his messages, etc. Realize that doing NC is best for both of you, especially him, since he seems to be having such a hard time letting go. Communication with an ex is very hard because it can't be helped that it gives hope for reconciliation. The only exception of not doing NC with him is if you know you still want to give the relationship another go, in which case, talk to him and make sure it's not one-sided this time where you are putting all the effort. Only you can decided whether it's worth it or not.

 

Oh thanks for being so thorough and reading all my posts!

 

I think I failed to really make my stand in the beginning and maybe that's why this is so hard for him right now. He also has failed to respect me and my wishes, which isn't surprising but should be just cause for me not to feel bad.

 

He tends to be really mopey and so I try to lift him up but in doing this I send the wrong message. He also just makes me feel so awful because he blames things on me, turns everything negative ect. I on the other hand can make any situation positive! This is why I know I should never date him again.

[bananashampoo]

Isn't he just 'reeling you in' as he knows how to press your buttons? if you reply, he'll win - you already know that ;-) Good luck!

 

Yeah, I didn't reply to "Yeah whatever. Have a good life." He can bite me haha. I don't know why he would want to make me feel so bad though, it doesn't make any sense. All I ever want to do is make him feel better about himself and it's not because I feel guilty for breaking up with him, this was how it was before I broke up with him too.

[bananashampoo]

Yeah, this sounds very complicated. I think the moral of the story is that we need no contact not just for ourselves but for the other person too, the one we feel like we are ignoring and hurting, because it actually helps them move on in the end.