Calling my ex after 10 years

[MichaelM]

Hi I am new to this site. I have read some of the posts and think this GREAT!

Anyway, I am thinking about calling my ex girlfriend after 10 years. I have seen her out a couple times lately and hear she is single. We broke up on bad terms. But, it was 10 years ago. She should be over the anger by now. Can anyone advise if I should and what approach I should take?

[OldGuy]

Well, I think you're taking a big risk of digging old bad feelings. But if you are sure you are over the old breakup, I could see doing it.

 

I think you should approch it just like asking any woman out the first time, you might plan to have some time and place where the two of you could just talk.

 

Good Luck, let us know what you decide.

[Soulfully]

Hey man, interesting post in my opinion. Im pretty sure people here will be telling you to stay away and not contact your ex...the past is the past right? You say that you guys broke up badly, but man.... 10 years... that's a long time. You must be over her by now, and most probably all the hurt and anger felt by you two back then must have healed by now right? Again, im not sure, but 10 years does seem to be quite a while back ago, but then again, u can never be sure about anything.

 

I mean, im trying to imagine myself in your situation, with my most recent ex. I mean, she left me, its been 3 months. I have passed through all the stages typical of a breakup, and im still healing. Now, I can guarantee you that in ten years time, I will have healed for god sake!!...if not, i must be mentally ill. And the anger, sadness etc... will feel like a great learning experience in which the good moments i had with her will stand out more than anything else.

 

In a decade, things will have changed a lot. Your own personal growth, your experiences, your readiness for a more promising healthy relationship, and the same with her. Or maybe not. It really depends, but what is clear is that things will have changed a lot, and I really doubt she will still have hard feelings for you. If she does still carry that baggage, it will mean that she still has some growing to do with that aspect of her life.

 

So then, even though we dont know much about ur past with that ex, I would probably go about it as the last poster said. Its not about getting back together, its about starting a possible new relationship either as a friend or a lover. Its about starting something new, probably better as friends first, and you never know, maybe some of the old feelings are still there, and hopefully for you, her positive feelings for you will be greater than the negative experiences. Then again, it really depends how badly u guys really broke up.

 

Dont want to get your hopes high, cos anything is possible, and in 10 years everything can change. She might be indifferent towards you, but if u did have a great loving relationship with her in the past, then maybe its possible to rekindle those feelings.

 

Its very hard to tell, but the ideal situation is for both of you to have grown a lot since then. Both of you must have learnt alot from your past experiences and be able to use the knowledge, experience, and be open to a proper healthy relationship. If that is the case, and the possible love is still there, then...green lights. But nice and slowly. Thats why, perhaps it would be best to produce some sort of contact with her as an old friend who's wondering how things are after all these years. Any mutual friends? Places where she goes to chill, bars? Maybe hooking up as a group with friends first? Most importantly, i think it must seem as natural as possible... she cant see it as a clear intent to get back with her...difficult, i know hehe. It has to appear as relaxed, as casual and non-chalant as possible.

 

And as the last poster said, be ready for the worst as well... i.e. she feels totally indifferent to you, has no interest at all in seeing how things are with you these days. And if she is still hurting or angry about ur relationship 10 years ago.... not healthy...not healthy... in my opinion anyways.

 

Good luck man... hope it may help you a little hehe.

[lady00]

Are you looking to date her again? Or do you just want to talk to her?

[Mun]

Hey there,

I think you should go for it. Just call her up and ask her out to lunch or something light like that. Good way to catch up and see if there is interest.

 

Enough time has passed that you could actually have a clean start. Enjoy yourself.

[CarterJonas]

I agree with muneca

[MichaelM]

Well I would be into dating her again. But would be more than happy to be friends again. But until I speak to her I don't know.

[OldGuy]

Hey, every once in a while it would be nice to know how one of these turns out, so if you think of it let us know what happens.

[MichaelM]

I am thinking of , but seem to lack the courage just yet! lol