mantas3z Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 So my ex broke up with me like 5 days ago, she claims nothing really happened and that im a really good person, but somewhere deep down her gut tells her im not the one anymore. We were perfectly fine before. Like things change just like that. Anyways, were in an LDR and its been 4 weeks since she's been out far. Right now were talking as friends, having light hearted conversations and shes telling me stories of what she's doing and stuff and its kind of like it was before we started dating without any flirting or anything. Even though she told me theres no chance of getting back together after i basically lost my manliness and tried every word in my power (beg) to bring her back, i know it was the wrong move. So i want to know should i initiate NC and see where that gets me, or should I just be friends with her very possibly forever. Talking makes me feel like i have a chance and it feels nice to just talk than not talk at all, maybe i can even get myself to move on while we still talk. Anyways what would be the better thing to do? Link to comment
ToF Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Trying to move on while talking to your ex is like trying to get sober with an open drink in your hand. Link to comment
mantas3z Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 I don't really want to move on though, I just know we never really had any problems other than long distance and its just that.. i really dont feel comfortable with the NC tactic but everywhere i see its the best way. And shes gonna be in town in 9 days, and says to hug me goodbye when i leave for college. I don't know how to feel, it doesn't feel over for me and she says she doesn't know what she wants but clearly its not me. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 NC will help with healing if you're hurt. Being friends will only prolong your suffering. Eventually, if both parties are willing, you can become friends again, but that's only after you've healed and moved on. If I had to offer any advice, I would say politely go NC and tell her you're open to reconciliation (if you want to get back together, that is), but you need to not contact each other now unless she wants to reconcile, so you can heal and move on. If she has any respect for you, she'll understand. I can assure you that you won't get her back if you remain in the back burner in her life. Go NC. Link to comment
ToF Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I don't know how to feel, it doesn't feel over for me and she says she doesn't know what she wants but clearly its not me. This tells you all you need to know. Sorry, man. No one ever wants to move on. No one ever feels comfortable with NC. I want to point out that NC isn't a "tactic" meant to be used to get your ex back. The point of cutting contact with your ex is to give yourself the opportunity to move on. It sucks, it isn't easy, and it takes a lot of time. But it's a lot shorter than trying to heal whilst still maintaining contact with your ex. Link to comment
mantas3z Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 I still have that hope that during this she will end up realizing nothing happened. I think ill go NC once i leave for college, August 16th. But talking to her really does make me feel better right now. Our conversation isn't boring or bad, I feel like we're different from the usual relationship in this regard. Cause we were both lovers and best friends. There's gotta be a chance though. If not, im sure ill have other babes to help me get over her in college. I love her though always will. It's so different and messed up how im feeling. Ranting like this helps a lot too. There's just gotta be a chance. Link to comment
camus154 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 There's gotta be a chance though. If not, im sure ill have other babes to help me get over her in college. I love her though always will. It's so different and messed up how im feeling. Ranting like this helps a lot too. There's just gotta be a chance. No, there doesn't have to be a chance. There are no guarantees. It's a blessing in disguise, dude. In another 9 months you will have virtually forgotten about her. Link to comment
seoulmate Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I;m going to give you some advice...you probably won't follow it, but I'll give it to you anyways. First, you don't *really* want to be friends with her. We've all been there and told ourselves and others how our exes are the "bestest" friends we've ever had and how could we ever lose them. No, that's just your heart talking and trying to hold on for dear life. This is what you do... 1. Respect that she doesn't want you. Tough pill to swallow and the rejection hurts but them are the facts. Problem is, you want her. That is like oil and water...they don't mix. You've already tried the begging. Now it's time to back-off. 2. You tell her, quote honestly, something like this: "I still have feelings for you. And, while I think our friendship is great also, it is just to hard for me to hide my real feelings and imagine us just being friends. I think it's best if we take some time to figure out our own lives again and let each other go for a while. When I feel that I have moved on and can truly be just a friend to you I'll let you know. Until then, I'd appreciate it if you don't contact me because it will only confuse me more. I won't contact you also because you need some time to focus on yourself right now." That's what you say and then you don't out this on a "timer". You don't come to this forum saying, okay it's been 30 days since I sent the message "should I contact her?". Do you know when you contact her again?... When you can see her just as a friend. See, you want to be friends for your own reasons, which are impossible given you still love her. That's not fair to you or her. The truly mature thing to do is be honest and say you can't be friends because it's not really friends if I still love you and can't be with you. You erase all of your past mess-ups with that simple statement and walk away with pride and respect. She may actually see a very mature side of you that lingers with her for some time. Who knows what happens next... It's funny, but when someone who has dumped you suddenly doesn't have access to you anymore (and they know exactly why not) it starts to make them wonder. And while this is not a tactic for getting her back. It's at least a tactic for actually getting yourself back and being friends down the road. She's given you no other choice, really. She's been straightforward with you. And one-sided love does not work in a relationship - it will only meet continued and heartbreak for you. Trust me on this one... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 Do whatever makes you happy. Which would you rather do? If you like talking to her, keep talking to her. But know that you may have to accept that talking to her won't change her mind. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.