cant think of an appropriate title

[CLIMBK]

First off i should make it clear that i am NOT going to end it..

I just need someone to talk to, as pathetic as that is.

 

Here are a list of thoughts that go through my head every day..

 

wake up.. feel instantly miserable because i hate my job and to an extent my life.

sit on a train for 2 hours to go to work, hate every second of it, have anxiety attacks.. so i sleep it off.

sit at work, miserable, unable to be productive.

 

think of quitting, but realise i probably will not be happy in any other job. i just keep thinking NOTHING will ever make me OK let alone happy, then all i can think about is death.

 

sound terrible, but every night before i go to bed, to calm myself down i think..

"its ok maybe something will happen tomorrow and it will all be over"

 

in fact I pray for it. I pray to an unknown force, its so ****ing pathetic.. to pray and wish to die? instead of praying for things to get better.

i then urge myself on and i repeat to myself, to go ahead and do it, to stop being pathetic and do it.

 

 

its been months and months since i have felt ok.. i feel ok for maybe a day and then crash for days and days after.

everywhere i look i see negativity.

 

my mother told me last night, out of no where that she has lost her son, the one who was so happy, independent, strong, motivated. she said she was so sad to see a hollow shell of what she remembered of her son.

 

i dont know whats happened to me.

[rahul131982]

its ok..... happens to everybody.... a few months ago that was what was happeneing to me.... I had a job that i was doing for 9 years and I tarted hating it because it was mundane and routine.....Didnt excite me at all... At the same time this girl who was in my life decided to move on and so it was double whammy.....

 

But you just have to pull through..... Maybe find a new hobby or try doing something new..... If you think you cant change a job and be happy no point shifting to another job.... Why dont you think about studying further.....If thats not possible just try finding something new to do.... something thats got nothing to do with your job. I am pretty sure you want to do something new....Maybe its time for you to do that

[SAButterfly]

Hey ClimbK,

I understand completely. I have been in this horrible funk for the past 2-3 months. My ex confirmed that it was definitely over between us recently and now there is a new guy who is super awesome and sweet and I feel nothing for him. Just numbness... I can't excited about my job, activities, anything. I've definitely started brainstorming goals and ideas recently about how to break out of this funk. Rahul is correct in that I think I'm going to try and start some new activities. I'm hoping if I can find something new to be passionate about- or even meet new friends that it will help spark some kind of happiness back in my life. We'll get through this!

[CLIMBK]

went to see a therapist yesterday.

it helped for about an hour following which i was down again.

 

i think the problem is the change in lifestyle i have got.

i hate it. i hate it so much it frustrates me, and i am so stuck in the rut, and because its hard to get out of it, i have to live with the daily frustration and that is bringing me down massively.

i went from having a very good life, to having a pretty dull one. i day dream about my past all day and night, never really moving on.