caught him masterbating

[sasha12]

The other night I saw my boyfriend masturbating in the room next to me.I don't get this to me this =rejection. Why would he do this when I'm in the next room? He doesn't know that I saw him but geez I don't get it. Does it mean he is addicted to sex or am I being rejected. Is he thinking about someone else? I can't even tell you how this make me feel.

[ayekasong]

Ouch! I'm sorry that happened to you...

 

I'm not really sure if this is rejection or not. How active is your sex life? If you guys are pretty active, maybe he's not getting his kicks in bed or something... I'm sorry I can't be of more help, perhaps a guy can shed some light on this.

 

Just wanted to let you know someone had heard you.

[Noggy27]

Sasha12

 

You have to understand that this normally has nothing to do with you. Men have a insanly hiigh sex drive and when you hear jokes about "men think of sex 1000 times a day" its not far from the truth. Chances are he just wanted a quick fix and felt it was inconveniant to trouble you for it. If you feel offended by this then make him feel comfortable with the fact that next time he has the urge to take it out on you instead. Maybe he was embarrassed to tell you he was hot or alternativly maybe he wasnt in the mood for a long lovemaking session.

 

You should take NO offense to this as most men and women do this all the time. If you were to have sex with him every time he was up for it you would find time for little else . If you find however that he does this very often and you dont make love that often then maybe there is more to the issue than you can see. A one off is no big deal to be honest.

[lunatic]

REJECTION???

 

Well in a guys view of masturbating is not at all a reflection or rejection of you. Sometimes a guy is horny and he does not want to bother his S/O. Believe me I have heard too many times in my life "is that all you think about?" from some of my ex's. If he is masturbating and you catch him why not come into the room and join him. I know that is a fantasy for most guy is while they are jacking to have a beatiful woman walk into the room and attack them. Dont feel rejected he has not put that much thought into it. Trust me on that one ok?

 

It is a natural part of being a guy is to masturbate. I know for a fact that no matter how much I get from my partner I still do it.

 

I hope this helps,

Hubman 8)

[ComputerGuy]

Dont feel rejected he has not put that much thought into it. Trust me on that one ok?

 

I agree

[sisterlynch]

guys know that this is a form of rejection, they just do it so often that they are unaware that it is an act of self indulgence and it is pretty uncomfortable for others to see.

 

Your guy is probably depressed and is taking on a lot of hurt and pain and anger and is using this as an outlet.

 

I think that I would discuss it with him. It may be the peak of the ice burg!!

[Scout]

I agree with Hub and Computer Guy on this. Guys masterbate a lot. So do some women. It's a natural human activity.

 

If you feel rejected, is it because of something bigger - like has he not wanted to have sex with you lately?

 

If that's not the case, and you have a good sex life that is mutually initiated by both of you, I don't see this as a rejection at all. I understand that you might, and I'm not downplaying your feelings. But that's my take on it.

[MattTheStudent]

Masturbating is absolutely normal behavior- many guys view it as completely separate from intimate contact and sex with their significant other. I love to have sex with my gf but masturbating is my time. I know many many women who are the exact same way- think of masturbation as his time, and ask him if he would like you to join. Don't feel inadequate at all, as it has nothing to do with whether or not you fulfill his sexual desires.

[rosalind24]

My boyfriend claims that he stopped masturbating after he started dating me... but... T_T him? I highly doubt it.

 

Maybe one of his past girlfriends burned the idea of girlfriends will be upset if they find out into him so he's lying. I haven't had the chance to tell him I don't care if he needs to relieve himself though.

 

I think masturbation is completely independent of sex too.

[JonnyG]

I really don't think u should be worrying.

 

Almost every guy and girl masturbates. Even when people are in a relationship they still often masturbate, just not as often as they obviously have a partner they can have sexual activity with.

 

I would only be concerned if u find that he is increasingly masturbating and sex is deminishing. As long as your sex life isn't going down, then I would not worry about it. The thought of my gf (not seeing anyone at the mo just giving my opinion of it) masturbating would turn me on, as long as like I said above, that the sex isn't losing its frequency, it wouldn't bother me at all.

[wex]

Your guy is probably depressed and is taking on a lot of hurt and pain and anger and is using this as an outlet.

 

Not trying to be a jerk, but what makes you think that? Personally, if I'm angry or depressed or whatnot, flogging the dolphin is near the bottom of the list of things that are on my mind. But that's just me.

[lunatic]

flogging the dolphin

 

What the heck is that. I have heard it called many things but never that. lol

[PAdreamer]

I understand the feeling of "what about me? I'm right here!" But I also understand that sometimes I can't do EVERYTHING for him, and that isn't to say that I don't do ANYTHING for him, but he knows what feels good to him and all I can do is guess. Even when we do our best, sometimes a little extra needs to be done that we just can't achieve.

 

Also, the reasons can vary. My boyfriend is very self-conscious about his body due to his disability, and so he can often get distracted when we're in bed together, worrying about things. So he can often get better results if he's doing things for himself and doesn't have to worry about performance. At first I was very offended by this, thinking I wasn't doing things right, that I wasn't good enough for him. But then I realized that he ALWAYS does a thorough job of taking care of my needs and letting me do my best for him before he takes care of himself. Sometimes you need to look at it from his point of view.

[sisterlynch]

Is that the question, how is sex an outlet for pain, anger and anxiety?

 

Anything that makes you feel better is likely to become addictive over time. It was the guys choice to make love to himself rather to the lady of the house that I was reacting to in my earlier post. Maybe I was giving voice to my inner child or whatever.

 

I am sorry if my words were offensive to people. The human psyche isn't linear. It jumps around from idea to idea. We try and make peace with the inner psyche occasionally, but where do certain ideas come from???

 

They are mainly intuition. Intuition is something that is a guess or a hunch based upon experience.

 

Maybe men are more linear or can fake it better at times. But men are non-linear too.

[PAdreamer]

Actually men are extremely linear. Have you ever noticed how most men don't do the whole problem solving thing? They see where they are and where they need to be, but often don't see all the places in between. Women are dimensional thinkers. That's why we are considered to be so complicated. Men see point A and point Z, women see all 26 points along the way and need to analyze and make sure things are being done right. So now you have the upper hand when a guy accuses you of being complicated. Just tell him you're smarter than him! Hahaha!

[OldGuy]

PA, I always like your posts and I am sure you were kidding when you said:

Just tell him you're smarter than him!

 

But, for 22 years I have lived with a woman whos brain works completely differently than mine. It took me 17 years to learn: "Its ALWAYS a mistake to think that you're smarter than someone just becasue their brain works differently."

 

I am still trying to learn: "If they think that different, don't try to teach them anything."

[OldGuy]

I am in a good relationship with a woman that has told me she will do anything I want and is disapointed I am not more imaginative

But I still masturbate sometime. Why? Sometimes I am not in the mood for sex, I just want to solve this problem.

 

Sex by its nature involves another person, hopfully a person you care a lot about. Sometimes, I don't want to involve her, I just want to do this and get it over with and get on with other stuff. To have sex with her when I felt like that would be just using her.

 

And I guess actually, I don't expect women to understand that. I guess in the end I really think some things are just different for guys.

[sisterlynch]

Women in general prefer to have sex rather than to masterbate, isn't that so for everyone? Do men prefer to masterbate?

 

Let me ask this, if you could masterbate every day or sleep with someone every day which would you prefer?

 

I would prefer to have sex with a partner probably 3 to 4 times per week, but lately it has been more like 2 to 3 times a week.

[OldGuy]

Women in general prefer to have sex rather than to masterbate, isn't that so for everyone? Do men prefer to masterbate?

 

That is pretty easy.: Min in general perfer sex.

 

However, most men don't see it as an either or situation.

 

Or even a necessarly related situation.

 

As I age masturbation because less frequent. Right now my wife and I have sex 3 to 4 times a week and I probably masturbate twice. The masturbation has really absoultily nothing to do with her. In fact, I would say it has little to do with anything, just another bodily function.

 

I have to say you are making me think to hard about this.

[tea]

Personally, I love having sex with my boyfriend, but I also love masturbating. Sometimes it's for a short time relief so I don't have to go through the trouble of finding him, seducing him, making out, taking care of his needs, then take care of mine, after we find beds and shower. Sex = 3 hours; Masturbation = 10 min.

 

I'd always welcome sex if he finds me and wants sex right afterwards. The two thing are definitely separate for me. Sex is spectacular, but it doesn't mean masturbation doesn't solve problems. Why can't the two co-exist?

 

My boyfriend loves watching me masturbate, but I can't get myself to do it in front of him. Maybe I'll be more open in the future?

[PAdreamer]

LOL, yeah I was kidding with that comment. Sorry if I offended anyone. I can be a smart alec sometimes.

 

I think I agree with the guys- at least for them, masturbation has very little to do with "sex" and almost everything to do with just relieving whatever physical energy they have pent up inside. I think women may have a harder time understanding this disassociation because sexual urges for men and women work so differently. But if you ever just sit and watch your guy masturbate, you'll notice that he probably doesn't react the same way that he does when he's making love to you. The pleasure is different- sometimes it's more like a chore. It's like "I need to do this so I can get back to what I need to do!" So ask yourself, would you rather your guy do this and just get it over with, or that he use you simply for a brief sexual relief so he can get on with the more important things?

[sasha12]

yes, PA that's a good way do look at it and understand it better but I always heard that guys have to be aroused first in order to masturbate is this true? thats why I was kinda looking at it as rejection.

[PAdreamer]

Well think of it this way. Guys have wet dreams right? In essense they get off in their sleep. But they can't control it, right? It just happens. I remember one time my boyfriend and I were driving to Lake Eerie, and out of the blue, for no reason at all, he ejaculated. He was actually mad about it! I was just shocked. It just happened for no reason. So, sometimes things happen or just need to get done, you know? And a guy can get himself aroused BY masturbating. He doesn't need to already be aroused before he starts masturbating.

 

It happens for girls too. Sometimes I can't sleep at night, and I know that the only way I'll be able to fall asleep is if I masturbate first. It's not sexual at that point, it's just a tension release.

[OldGuy]

God, I hate wet dreams. Back just after my wife and I got married, we went to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks. She was too selfconscious to do anything and I could not really get any time alone. Yeah, in my grandmonther's bed, in my parents house, while sleeping with my wife. ICK. (Now I know one worse, in a car with your girlfriend, I would be so mad, I really feel for the guy.)

 

Its not too much of an issue for me anymore, but particullary in younger men, the testes never take a break, the prostate is always working away and sooner or later that stuff is going somewhere. You can do it yourself when you want, or wait a couple of days and your body will take care of it for you.

 

As for arosual, I have 2 or 3 stock fantasies that I use when its just time to get it over with. One does involve a real event that happened with my wife. The other's don't involve any real women, its just images.

 

PA. no offense taken.

[PAdreamer]

Really, I wasn't offended or embarrassed when that happened. I just wasn't sure WHY it happened. Now that I understand the reason that guys A) masturbate and B) have wet dreams and the like, it is actually a turn on for me. *shrug* I'm not sure why... maybe because understanding the situation makes me feel comfortable, maybe even a little powerful.