I have bullemia?

[Cluedo]

I will admit I am OBSESSED with my weight, even though I eat a lot and have gained 20 lbs...it's a horrible obsession and I want to be rid of it

 

I probably go on a massive binge and throw up after 3 -4 times a week. I can't control myself and no one else knows about the struggle I'm going through. I spend almost every waking hour feeling sorry for myself over my weight and people tell me all the time that I'm not even that fat. I was previously 110 lbs and I'm not about 126 lbs...I hate myself and could cry every time I look in the mirror.

 

I don't know what to do any more...I don't do this every day so I don't think it's bullemia

[Moontiger]

*big hugs* please stay on line for a bit. I want to post a few things but it will take a me a few minuet.

[Moontiger]

Ok, first more big hugs.

 

What you are going through is so, so, so hard. You deserve to be happy and healthy but you cannot tackle this on your own. Please seek help, here are some great resources for you: link removed

 

link removed

 

Please know you are a wonderful person and you can over come this.

[meoww]

I used to be exactly the same way!! I never had full blown bulimia either but I know someone who did back in high school and she destroyed her esophagus by the time she was 18. So keep that in mind first of all. Also, yo yo dieting can cause premature aging and facial sagging. Basically, what I'm saying is that there is no quick fix. It would be better to take a year to lose 20 pounds and never gain it back, than to lose 20 pounds in two months but be starving, start bingeing all over again and gain it back within 8-9 months.

 

You can't do anything about the fact that you weigh 126 now, being embarrassed about that isn't going make you thinner. Just try to dress well and look nice everyday until you lose the weight. Don't wear clothes that are too tight, and dress to conceal your weight for the time being. I know it's hard because it's summer but if you are dedicated you can lose about 1-2 pounds a week and be wearing cute summer clothes by the end of the summer. Once you get over the disordered thoughts in your head you will also see that being a little chubby or curvy is nothing to be ashamed of. It's not ideal, sure, but it shouldn't be a source of constant suffering and humiliation.

 

That's what I did and now I'm at a normal weight (like 118 sorry that is supposed to be an eighteen but it keeps turning into a smiley face emoticon). I'm not thin yet but I'm no longer at that weight where I feel constantly uncomfortable and hating my body. So now I plan to slowly lose weight until I'm about 110 too. I plan to achieve this by November or so but my guess is that it'll happen much sooner. I'm not worrying about it at all though, I love my body as it right now even though my legs and arms are bigger than I think they should be. I dress fashionably and always try to feel good about myself.

 

I think it's also important to exercise at least 3 times a week and sometimes you do have to go to bed hungry in order to lose weight, but allow for an 'off' day at least once a week. Everything in moderation! Except for sugar in my case...I don't eat sugar because it causes me to binge and then I feel sick for a few days.

 

I think the best thing to do now would be to calm down. You have to think through this rationally. You are panicking and maybe you think if you hate yourself it will motivate you to lose weight but chances are you are just getting more out of control. Your obsession has become a habit and part of your way of thinking so you have to change that very slowly. Think about other things, go read a book, paint, watch a movie and try to change your negative thinking patterns when they emerge. For example, when you look in the mirror and you think, "Wow, I'm so disgusting how did I allow this to happen?" try to replace with a less negative thought like, "I'm not happy with my body right now, but I have a beautiful face and in a few months I'll have a beautiful body too!" Some people aren't patient enough to think long term but trust me those people either end up with weird eating disorders or regaining their weight.

[Moontiger]

meoww, I get what you are saying but your post makes it sound like 126lbs is heavy. You would probably have to be be under 5' tall for that to be anywhere near overweight. I weight about that and get told all the time how skinny I am. My mom constantly tells me to gain more weight.

[Moontiger]

OP, how tall are you? I'm curious so I can send you some information on what is a healthy weight.

[meoww]

meoww, I get what you are saying but your post makes it sound like 126lbs is heavy. You would probably have to be be under 5' tall for that to be anywhere near overweight. I weight about that and get told all the time how skinny I am. My mom constantly tells me to gain more weight.

 

I see where you're coming from, I guess assumed (maybe incorrectly, hopefully the original poster can confirm this or not) that the OP was short, like 5'2 or so, like me. I can empathize with how it feels to feel kind of stocky and sluggish at that weight even when other people have never seen me as fat. I feel confident about my body when I'm under 120 and somewhere between 110-117, and I don't think I would change my opinion on that even if someone with good intentions reassured me that 125 was a healthy weight. Maybe letting the OP know that she's not overweight wouldn't necessarily be enough because from my experience, when you're in that mindset, you just don't think logically? if she's crying and feeling very emotional about this, my guess is that she's not thinking about her body in a healthy way, and she seems very anxious to lose weight as quickly as possible. That's why I chose to emphasize my suggestion to lose weight slowly rather than the fact that she's not overweight.

 

I also wanted to validate her desire to lose a little bit of weight, which I think is a healthy and reasonable goal provided that she's not like 5'8. Moderate weight loss in and of itself isn't really a problem in my opinion, but the mindset and ways that people go about trying to achieve their weight loss that can lead to mental health issues or other health problems.

 

So hopefully that makes more sense and doesn't make me seem as superficial or deluded lol

Cluedo, I'm sure you are gorgeous woman and I didn't mean to demean you in any way. I really think you should be proud of who you are

[Blue92]

Yes, this is bullemia! It does not matter how little the amount of times you throw up are... and also if you are OBSESSED with your weight that is also a clear sign of an eating disorder. I would get help before this problem gets any worse. My friend who has the same problem used to throw up only a few times a week and now she recently told me that she throws up 8 times a day!!!

[Moontiger]

Again, I get what your saying, but if the OP is throwing up and has this much anxiety I think professional help would be better then advice on losing weight and how to dress to cover up what she doesn't like about her body. (I'm really big into therapy cuz it helped me so much )

 

I did look it up, and for 110lbs to be a healthy weight you have to be anywhere between 4'10 and 5'4 (but at 5'4 its just above being underweight). 126 is health for anyone between 5'1 and 5'8. But as you say this isn't about what a healthy weight IS, rather, how the OP sees herself.

 

OP, I highly suggest seeing a doctor and discussing this issues with them.

[meoww]

Again, I get what your saying, but if the OP is throwing up and has this much anxiety I think professional help would be better then advice on losing weight and how to dress to cover up what she doesn't like about her body. (I'm really big into therapy cuz it helped me so much )

 

I did look it up, and for 110lbs to be a healthy weight you have to be anywhere between 4'10 and 5'4 (but at 5'4 its just above being underweight). 126 is health for anyone between 5'1 and 5'8. But as you say this isn't about what a healthy weight IS, rather, how the OP sees herself.

 

OP, I highly suggest seeing a doctor and discussing this issues with them.

 

On my so-called fat days I used to dress in frumpy clothes and feel ashamed of myself and I think that was a really toxic reaction to gaining weight, that's why I suggested that she wear flattering clothes. I realize I should have mentioned the context but I kinda wish I could have gotten the benefit of the doubt on some of my suggestions. Sometimes those little details can really go a long way. It's not like I overcame my eating disorder overnight, it took me a long time to realize that there were a lot of things I was doing to punish myself for gaining weight, for example.

 

Go ahead and consult a specialist by all means but I think my advice is useful as well, as someone who has suffered from an eating disorder until about age 24. In my opinion, it's useful to have a strong support network all around, including non-professional opinions. That is another issue entirely though so I'll try to say on topic.

 

I really do hope she finds that suggestion helpful because being proud of my body in any condition was a big part of my healing process. anyway, in the future I will try to explain myself more clearly from the beginning so it's not necessary to make so many additional posts to clarify what I'm trying to say, that was definitely an eye opener. when I'm writing about something personal or something that I'm passionate about, I tend to forgo important details and transitions

[Mercurial Girl]

Again, I get what your saying, but if the OP is throwing up and has this much anxiety I think professional help would be better then advice on losing weight and how to dress to cover up what she doesn't like about her body. (I'm really big into therapy cuz it helped me so much )

 

I did look it up, and for 110lbs to be a healthy weight you have to be anywhere between 4'10 and 5'4 (but at 5'4 its just above being underweight). 126 is health for anyone between 5'1 and 5'8. But as you say this isn't about what a healthy weight IS, rather, how the OP sees herself.

 

OP, I highly suggest seeing a doctor and discussing this issues with them.

 

Looks like you're going by BMI. According to BMI I'm overweight and I wear size 2-4 jeans soooo uhmmm...yeah.

 

126 is quite beautiful on even the shortest of ladies I think.

 

Meoww I totally get what you were trying to get accross there btw.

[robert12]

Hang in there. You'll outgrow this