I told my straight guy friend that I had feelings for him and...

[bevans3]

I felt like it was the right thing to do. I told him on Saturday. We have class together everyday, we are both starting nursing school in the Fall together at the same university so I knew I needed to just get it off my chest before it took a toll on me. He took it well, told me he was flattered and appreciated it but yeah just wasn't into that. But that he was glad that I told him and he wanted to know what made me feel that way about him. Today was the first time I saw him in class since I told him and nothing seemed different at all, he still smiled/waved at me and we had a nice conversation after class. We text a lot too, and that didn't even change after I told him. I talk to him more than I talk to any of my other friends and we just met a couple of weeks ago!

 

I haven't had a close straight guy friend in a long time and I'm thinking I'm not going to be able to handle it. After reading through these forums, I know I'm not alone and it feels good to be able to vent to people who actually understand (since most of my friends really don't.) Thanks for the support!

[MsLoveyStevens]

Why did you feel compelled in telling him that you have feeling for him. What did you expect to happen? Y'all not compatible in a sense. It's almost like me telling a married friend of mine that I'm in love with him. Now what? I just don't understand what you expected to happen once you told him. Fortunately your confession didn't ruin your friendship. Because that could easily created an awkward or sometimes violent situation for you. It could've ended your friendship. So maybe in future you should keep your straight friends in th

e off limits category like I do my married friends.

[SuperDuper]

I can relate slightly, being the straight guy. My gay friend approached me back in highschool at a party and told me that he was attracted to me. I didn't think any differently of him, in fact I was flattered because it simply made me feel attractive!

 

I don't see why things should get awkward or violent like the above poster suggested, so long as you both are mature individuals and are up front about your intentions.

 

My friend and I are still great friends to this day and it hasn't really affected our friendship at all. However, if you eventually figure out that you can't handle seeing him with other people romantically (women)... then you probably should start distancing yourself from him. At least, this is the advice I'd give a straight guy if he was infatuated with a girl who didn't share the same feelings.

[bevans3]

Why did you feel compelled in telling him that you have feeling for him. What did you expect to happen? Y'all not compatible in a sense. It's almost like me telling a married friend of mine that I'm in love with him. Now what? I just don't understand what you expected to happen once you told him. Fortunately your confession didn't ruin your friendship. Because that could easily created an awkward or sometimes violent situation for you. It could've ended your friendship. So maybe in future you should keep your straight friends in th

e off limits category like I do my married friends.

 

It's a long story, refer to my other thread.

[lukeb]

I totally agree with the poster that there is really no point in telling a straight guy that you have feelings for him, especially not a friend. What now, you get to worship him because he is straight and you are not? I dare say it did probably actually ruin your friendship. I don't know if that is the case with you, but more often than not, gay guys who continually crush on straight guys do it because they don't like the fact that they are gay and they get to admire, worship someone who is not. I also think that don't speak that highly of the straight guys who let themselves be worshiped like that. This is not what friends do, it is not what friendship is about.

[FathomFear]

I agree with the others. One of the more unfortunate realities of being gay or lesbian is that we are very outnumbered. Straight people are everywhere. You're always going to find yourself in a situation where you need to work with a hot/attractive/funny person who you'll have zero chance with just because he's straight. I would focus on putting yourself in a position to prevent feelings from growing to begin with, as that's really the underlying problem.

 

When I first came out of the closet I struggled with this and often had feelings for straight guys. Now it never happens. If a guy is hot and straight, I don't fantasize about him or let my mind progress down that path. It's just not worth it in the end. You're only causing yourself frustration if you do let it happen.

[bevans3]

Thanks for the hindsight guys but I think I can handle it. I'm a highly intelligent and smart (common sense-wise) individual, and I knew I had to just get it off my chest for myself to feel better. You could not be more wrong lukeb. I always had the same mentality towards straight guys, not falling for them because it was unrealistic and would never happen so I'd just never allow feelings to develop. I've been out since my freshman year in high school, and now I am 22. I am so secure and happy with myself, my sexuality and my life that I don't need to admire someone because they are something that I'm not. It wasn't even a thought in my head. Something about this guy just felt different though, and I knew he would take it well and I would feel better not hiding this from him when in his presence. As a matter of fact, ever since I told him he's opened up more to me, has gotten a lot closer with me and just looks over at me to smile frequently. It's a nice feeling knowing that I can basically tell him anything. In no way do I "worship" him nor does he ask me to do things for him knowing that I have feelings for him. The feelings will dissipate in time if that's how it's meant to be. So no lukeb, our friendship has not been ruined if anything it has gotten better. I feel like now I can actually be his friend knowing that I told him the truth and have it off my mind. Not all people are the same. Keeping secrets and not being honest with people is not my style

 

I don't agree with the correlation between my situation and someone who is married. I don't categorize people because everyone is different. I could never develop feelings for a married person because they are married and have made a sacred vow, that's that. I've had married guys hit on me as well as guys with girlfriends or boyfriends, some of them extremely attractive with great personalities but I just couldn't have feelings for them because of their situations. This guy is single and is seemingly very open-minded, so who knows? For now I'm just really enjoying our friendship.

[lukeb]

Well good for you, like I said i don't know you, and it may very well be true that my opinion is clouded by growing up in a rural area in the 80's. I do definitely see the decline of the so called gay community that it is becoming more and more integrated with the straight community and partly I am sorry to see that go. I do think in the majority of cases of gay guys continually crushing on str8 guys, that there are other issues at play there. I do think it is a bit of a waste of time to put your hopes on a str8 guy when there are potentially a lot of guys out there that you could have an actual relationship with, not just a friendship.