Laying it on the line...

[jch4711]

I'm going to see my ex-gf for the first time in 3 weeks since the breakup. For the most part there has been NC, except for the odd IM here and there.

 

We're having dinner and while my original plan was to just keep it light and friendly, i've decided that I want to let some things off my chest to her.

 

I want to let her know that I have learned a lot from the experience and that i'm a changed person. I am now more sensitive and am going to be more considerate to my significant other, whether or not it is her or someone else.

 

Just to preface my situation, I had a relationship that became long distance when I went to grad school. During that year of long distance, she went through some rough times and the fact I wasn't around put a great strain on the relationship.

 

I'm not asking her to come back to me, i'm not apologizing. I'm just letting her know I am now a better person and if she were to decide to come back, I will be everything to her.

 

Hope it works out! I'll update you guys later tonight after it all goes down.

[RayKay]

Hmmm...I would not recommend you say that to her, whether you want her back or not, she may still see it as you trying to get her back and be on her guard.

 

SHOW her you are different, let her see over time, don't tell her. It has only been 3 weeks since the breakup, and while you may have feel you have learned a lot - you are still on that journey.

 

She should see the changes in your actions, not in you telling her.

[jch4711]

hi raykay,

 

thanks for the reply and i understand your point, however I don't see her that often because of long distance.

 

I'm planning on prefacing everything i say to her as just saying those are thoughts of mine and telling her straightup that I don't expect or want an answer from her or for her to even say anything about it. It is meant just as a way for her to know that I understood some of the problems of the relationship and have grown from them. I will be applying these changes to future relationships whether it be w/her or someone else.

[dannyz4]

Yeah I would recommend you just be the new person you say you are, and she will see that. Don't tell her you have changed, because that means nothing.

 

Just be clear about why you want to see her. It sounds like she broke it off with you? You might sound a little bitter telling her how much of a better person you are since you've split with her.

[ReadyorNot]

I would have to TOTALLY agree with what the others are saying.

 

DONT tell her you are a changed person... SHOW her.... Its way more effective and she will think you are trying to get her back and be on guard if you start saying that you have changed etc.... It can tour things sour really fast.... Just show her the new you!

[jch4711]

thanks for all the comments. I went and saw her tonight and it actually went as well as I could have expected. There was no awkwardness or discomfort during dinner. We had great conversation, laughed a lot, and really enjoyed each others company. When we were about to leave, I asked her if she knew what day today was...when she didn't know, i told her it was Columbus Day. This is significant because we actually met 2 years ago on Columbus Day.

 

I actually then brought up the understanding about our past problems and how i've learned from them. She was a little resistant at first, but then we actually had a great heart to heart talk about the current problem and her situation.

 

She has been bombarded this past year with all sorts of crap in her life. Compounding the problem, I was not around as we were long distance because I had gone back to grad school. She really appreciated my understanding and she is really glad that I was able to understand some of her disappointment.

 

I reassured her that I wasn't asking her back and that the situation hasn't changed. She still wants her time and I will give it to her. She just needs to get her head straight and let everything else around her settle down.

 

I think we'll be alright. We were only together a little over a year and a half, but we feel like we've known each other forever. We're still very much in love but it's just not possible for her to be in a relationship nevertheless a long distance one right now.

 

I'm content with that. I want her to be happy with herself first. I'm actually more at peace with the situation tonight than I have been since it all happened.

 

Oh yea...one last thing. I'm going to go on a brief NC until she contacts me next. She actually was real curious when the next time i'm in town.

 

Thanks again for all the comments