Am I Close to Getting the Commitment Again?

[kekep]

My ex and I dated for 3 years in college, but this summer we broke up because I messed up and cheated on him. The cheating (and telling) happened at the beginning of the summer but we didn't truly call it quits until mid-July, and now we're back at school together. When we first got back, he told me he was thinking of asking me to be his gf but after a couple of nights we spent together, he was aloof and pretty much went back to behaving weirdly (didn't call me as much and didn't want to spend the night together). a little distance, and he was back to being up my *ss again, asking "what's wrong? why don't you wanna hang out as much?" yada yada yada...anyway, this cycle has continued onto the beginning of october, with a few "meetings about feelings" instigated by me and talking about getting back together (again instigated by me). he told me he just wanted us to be friends and he wanted to be single for a little while, not be obligated to anyone.

 

anyway, so i read this book which basic premise was "get a life, and act like getting him back isn't THAT important to you" and you'll succeed because, basically, anything you chase in life will run away from you. so i've been doing this for the past week and a half, and i've gotta say, it's working like a charm. although we spent much of the week together, he'll call often and sometimes i wont pick up or i'll say i have other plans (which many times i do, but you know...gotta fake em out). this drives him crazy, like he always wants to know where i am and if i'm with other guys. so this weekend was our fall break, and i'm at home while he's there. he called twice today, first to leave a message saying hey and the second to say he was going out of town for a cross country meet so if i called before 6:00 i would catch him. i never called back. anyway, also, the day i left (friday) he wanted us to hang out before i left to drive home (in the morning), he asked me to lunch, he kissed me goodbye twice, helped me bring my stuff to my car, plus burnt me a copy of a cd. also, a few days before that, while we were walking from the library together he called himself my boyfriend (i don't know if on accident or on purpose to get a reaction, but i completely ignored the comment). that same night, he and i watched a movie together and i spent the night in his room, where he told me he really wanted to cuddle then got completely naked and nuzzled me. i was tempted and also got naked, but nothing too serious happened (just a lot of hormones racin and lots of panting). it was an awesome hookup, even without the sex.

 

anyway, my question (after this long tidbit) is how to get the commitment back from him. i think i'm going to just continue being available for only half the time and having a life outside of him (obviously a necessity). but is there anything i can do to speed up the process, because it seems like an eternity sometimes? any suggestions would be appreciate, and sorry for such a long post (just wanted to get all the facts in). thanks guys!!!!!!

[Mun]

Hi,

Obviously the wrong thing to do is to "ask" for a committment. Enjoy what you are doing now.. it sounds like you two are reconnecting and having fun.

 

The only thing I advise you not to do is to give more than you are comfortable giving. Sometimes when we do that we expect the other to give back, or try to push them to give, when they aren't ready. Try to stay on the same page as him... get what I mean? Don't rush ahead.

[AlleyCat]

I agree with Muneca. Just give him his space for now. It sounds like he's well on his way to wanting to get back together with you.

[Cecelius]

I gotta say, if he does get back into it, you should dump him for his own good.

 

You cheated on him and now you are playing games intentionally?

[kekep]

cecelius,

 

you're right, i am playing games intentionally. but so does everyone, and you might as well win if you're going to play, right? i want my ex back very much, and i'm very sorry for what i did to him. i betrayed his trust and hurt him very badly, and i fully take responsibility for what i did. i know it sounds like i'm trying to be manipulative, but really i just want him back because we were great together and i love him. the things i was doing initially to try to win him back were only pushing him away (calling a lot, saying "i love you", making it obvious that he was the only one for me), and that is when i finally realized that i needed to get into a different mode if i was going to get him back.

 

maybe you're right. playing games can seem like a bad thing, but i think of it more as making him realize (with actions) that he wants to be with me. because it's become obvious to me that words don't do the trick.