Is it hard to co-parent with your ex that you hate?

[scared and alone]

For whatever reason, you hate them. But they are a great parent to your children. Is it hard to put your personal feelings aside and not try to ruin their relationship with your child? I just couldn't imagine being so selfish and do that to my kid. If there is a legit reason you don't want them around your kid, thats one thing, but if they are just as good a parent as you, why put your kid through that? I always tell my husband that when we have kids, if something happens between us we have to swear to NOT put our kids in the middle of that. Because the one that really gets hurt, is the kid. I understand not being able to help who you dislike, but be a parent. As Valerie Bertenelli said "love your kid more than you hate your ex" I so agree. Work out your issue with that person in another way, not through your kid.

[OneSadPuppy]

It is hard, good thread.

 

I had huge resentment towards my ex when she branch swung out of a 15 year marriage to someone who might be able to help her with her career.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done to not bad mouth her or let our 12 year old son know what happened.

 

Sadly, it didn't work both ways.

My family cut her off and I went no contact. She got lonely with her long distance relationship and wanted to reconcile. I could not at that point (second time cheating).

My son lived with her at the time (long story, not relevant) and she would trap him for hours telling him that his hero father was such a monster.

She lied to him about me, asked him for advice and used him as her emotional sponge for a full year.

The boy came back to me a total mess.

I've been working with him for a year and he's quit lying so easily.

 

Parents must be strong in front of their children and never nail the other parent. It's very destructive to the child.

 

OSP

[dangletsbang]

It is incredibly hard. Although I don't so much dislike my ex in general...I dislike him because he hasn't been the best father. He was great at the beginning but a few months after we broke up, he thought drinking and partying was more interesting than being a father. He wouldn't even offer $5 for his son...after I begged for months and months for him to help me, I initiated child support orders. Once they were signed by a judge, he quit his job. Our son will be 2 next month and knows that my ex is his dad and sees him a few times a month...but looks at him like he's nobody special. Versus me, when my son see's me...nothing else matters.."MAMAAAAA!!!!!", he just looks at my ex.

 

I'm friendly to him and very civil to him in front of our son and vice versa. Even though he doesn't support his son or have very much interest in taking care of him, I still cooperate and let him see him or do things with his family. If I have a problem with my ex that needs to be voiced to him, it's via text message or in person not in front of our child. It's impossible to not let my feelings get in the way but I hide it very well so that my son does not get confused or witness my anger/sadness over the situation.

 

It is by far the most emotionally exhausting thing I have ever gone through. I just want to punch, cry and scream in his face why he doesn't have the love and passion that I do for being a parent. I cannot tell you the extremes of my feelings...I go from being 'over it, he can do what he wants' to being beyond pissed, to being depressed about it. It's his own flesh and blood! How can you not want to provide, cherish and spend as much time as possible with him? How is partying and drinking better than the joys of being a parent? My son is my entire world, why isn't he to him?

 

Regardless of my feelings for him...I never mention a word of negativity in front of my son. He will see, I don't have to say anything.

[charity]

yes its hard as hell. i don't hate my ex. if we didn't have kids we could and would be friends. but i hate him as a parent. he doesn't support us in any way and everything comes before the children.he makes promises he doesn't keep, its so hurtful. the thing is that you never know what type of person they will be after the break up. my ex has done things he SWORE he would never do. so have i, i guess.

 

i do feel a lot of resentment towards him. it hard being a single parent... and when i see him just 'doing his thing'....it makes me angry...and depressed and just resentful. everytime we talk he tries to engage me in conversation not regarding our children. i used to entertain that because i wanted to let go of the anger and i wanted us to be friends for our childrens sake. but now...... i talk nice and keep it light but there is no more pretence. i tell him- just talk about the kids. you and i have nothing else to talk about. he gets all sad and hurt when i say this but i have just lost all respect for him.

[lostnscared]

Time will tell for me. As I'm separated from my so and planning to leave him for good once my babies turn one in September and I start back school. But one thing I can say is that my so is a great father to my babies and sometimes I feel has more of a maternal instinct than me(yes he's that good!). In terms of financially taking care of them, he's been good too. There have been cases where he could have done a better job, but for the most part I can't complain. Again time will tell once it's actually over. But my feelings toward him are very negative. He treated me badly over these last 9 months. And I'm having a difficult time looking pass how he treated me and not holding it against him as a parent. I'm hoping that I'll get over it soon.