Should I be angry at this?

[belle4]

Ok MAJOR confusion.....i've heard stories from random people who think i should be aware of my ex's behaviors. Apparently he's being very "friendly" with other girls and is drinking a lot these days (not normal when we were together). But then when we talk he acts like he's been changing his life for the better and acts very caring and sweet towards me and doesn't mention a thing. He told me he really likes how i've changed and he told me that we should just work slowly at things. I'm still not sure what that meant. Anyway, I'm obviously very hurt at this double life he's leading but what can I do? How should I react to this? Should i confront it?

[DBL]

Belle,

 

Just move on. If the dude can't tell you the truth and is trying to hide stuff then it is not worth it.

 

One of my x's heard random stories about me being friendly with girls. She chose not to believe them, but they were true. Only difference is...when i was confronted I told the truth.

 

DBL

[belle4]

But isn't this what peopel are supposed to do after a break up? I figure he can do whatever he want but why is this hurting me so bad? I feel like he is not as hurt at all and hes totally stringing me along.. I was doing fine until i heard all this. He even came over before i heard all this stuff and told me how he felt so comfortable talking to me and i made him feel better...what kind of behavior is this????

[cassiana]

maybe you dont seem as hurt as he expected and his ego is bruised and he is telling you this to get a reaction. His drinking is probably because he feels that he should indulge himself as he is free. Anyway just ignore iy and get on with your life. Interfering wont help.

[Vanilla]

Seems to me like he doesnt want you to move on from him but wants to still be "free" to mess around with other girls. What guy wouldn't want the sweet nice girl who cares about them to always be there, but then also be able to be "friendly" with other girls? Sorry but he can't have his cake and eat it too! you're too good for him, move on with your life, let him do whatever he wants. you go out and have fun, and make sure none of it includes him.

[DBL]

I think you may hurt realizing how easily he has moved on from you. You are most likely now his security net. If things don't work out elsewhere, then he will still have you to fall back on. I know it sucks that you sit their suffering and he is out and about enjoying life and having a good time. I been through this too, I sit in misery while my x is out continuing on with her life. Your not alone...many of us here experienced this on more then one occasion.

 

Sorry you are going through a rough time, but it will get better.

 

DBL

[Scout]

Should you be angry about him being friendly with other girls and drinking? Well, technically no, because you aren't his girlfriend anymore and he's free to pursue dating. Drinking is a personal choice that is his to make, and shouldn't really affect you, since you aren't his girlfriend anymore.

 

That being said, I don't see how you can help but be angry and sad, whether you have a right to or not. This was someone who meant a lot to you, and it's hard to see them moving on with their lives. Very hard. The best way to get past it is to start moving on with your own life, as well. I'm not saying make a giant leap in doing this, but take a step further every day. It will get much easier for you to accept your ex has moved on with his life, when you find your own life is starting to move forward with surprising momentum.

[belle4]

Well he wont LET me move on...he keeps calling, being sweet, etc....NC is the best way to go isn't it? I really feel its not fair but I still do have feelings for him...but it just sucks that he can get whatever he want. It is best to move on, and I'm trying but every time I hear something about what he did, it just brings me down. How can i cope with that? Just ignore him? I would still like to try again but maybe its best to think and live like he won't ever return just to be safe. My heart is the most important thing.

[belle4]

THE EX KEEPS CALLING! twice yesterday and now he says he'll call me today....is this the wrong time for some confrontation?? How can i approach this?

[belle4]

The strangest thing just happened....my ex just begged for me back. It started with a casual convo which led to crying and begging on his end...i feel like this is a dream but it isn't. I'm just in major shock right now. I just don't know if I'm ready.

[Scout]

WOW. Ok, don't do anything yet - anything. I swear, if you want to know if he's serious, tell him you need to think about it and don't say anything else, or contact him for several days. See what he does, and you'll know if he's serious or not (I know he's serious right now, but you want to make sure he is going to continue to mean it).

[Scout]

Also, I guarantee that a second time around won't work unless the original problems that led to the first break-up are actively addressed and being worked on by both of you. Keep that in mind for any forthcoming talks you two have about a reconciliation.

 

Just some quick, must have advice on the fly from your's truly!

[belle4]

Thanks scout! I listened to your advice...he's goin out of town so it gives us a few days to really think....and yes we definatly need to talk....i definatly want to take it slow and see how it works first....rushing into anything won't work at all...i appreciate everyone's help and I'll be updating you all soon.

[lazyrunnerz]

I'm impressed by your restrait. Could it be that he was going out with other girls trying to get over you and realize it wasn't possible? That's what I did with my ex. I couldn't handle how things were going with us, and I broke up with him, but after going out with other people it made me see how little the problems mattered, that it mattered more how he made me feel, and that the guys out there didn't make me feel how he did. I'm not trying to get your hopes up, I'm just trying to show another pespective.

[belle4]

Yea thats pretty much exactly what happened. We had a long talk yesterday and HE was the one begging for me back. I clearly stated I cannot be with him unless he proves his love for me and can meet the bar I have set for him or any other man I would want in my life. He said he would do anything to be with me. He cried for 5 hours and i couldn't even squeeze a tear out. In a way I felt bad but i really do believe in karma - what goes around comes around and he can wait just like I did. So basically we're taking it really slow. I definitely WANT it to work out with him but I cannot make any guarentees. I love him and I can say I still am IN love with him, so I can only let go of the past and say hello to the future, hopefully with him in it.