Rude or i'm over reacting?

[itsthethoughtthatcounts]

Long story short, i will try to break this down as much as possible...

 

Firstly it's in regards to my boyfriends kids from a previous marriage. My man and i have been together for over a year and i met his kids for the first time at the hospital 3 weeks ago when he went in for surgery...although they knew about me and our relationship from the start. My bf is 35 years older than me and his kids are close to my age - 1 - 3 years difference between us.

 

One of his sons informed me via text message that his dad (my bf) would be out of theatre at a certain time and i messaged back asking if he wanted to go together to see him, as i was not well myself with a kidney infection, flu and stress from my bf having the operation and my car has mechanical problems. He said he wasn't coming my way and would need to make my own way there so i did. And when i got there i was first in to see my man and when he came, about an hour later there was no acknowledgement at all, like i didnt exist, until his father introduced me and then he said acknowldeged me. That part i got over.

 

 

Whilst we were there in the room he didnt talk to me at all. His Dad was trying to share stories of our relationship and the things we do together but he didnt seem to get to involved. When the Drs came in we were asked to wait outside, i waited near the door and he walked several meteres away and waited away from and never spoke. He told me he was going to organise food for his Dad when he comes out of hospital yet he never did.

 

His other son had arranged to pick him up from the hospital the next day when he was to be discharged. And i had arranged to go over to look after him as both his kids are working full time and were unable to take time off work or out of their lives to care for him. I have taken 3 weeks off to be a full time carer for him. I rang the hospital in the morning and they told me he would be discharged in 45 mins so i messaged his son letting him know and he wrote back "I already know, i spoke to hospital before" I thought this was a rude response and even thought "how nice of you to text me when you found out before me"

 

Anyway my man has been recovering at my place for the last 3 weeks. I have funded everything for him from medication, food, and needs etc as well as physically cooking for him, taking care of him, shopping, cleaning and taking him to appointments etc, all the things one does to take care of their loved one.

 

When my man visited home once i even made some cakes to take to his son and i never even got a thanks!

The kids have called him a couple of times since the operation but have never come to see him. The older one called the other night, wanting to come over to my place (as my partner is still staying with me recovering) to bring over his new girlfriend to introduce to his father. I was fuming by this....he didnt want to talk to me at the hospital and never visted his father and now he knows he isnt still fully recovered and he wants to come to my place to see his father and bring his new gf...cant he come without the girl?

 

Am i being unreasonable or are these kids rude????/

Some honest answers would be greatly appreciated.

[metrogirl]

Sounds like they aren't interested in having a relationship with you. It's the same way with me and my boyfriend, his kids can't stand me and want nothing to do with me. Their father, my boyfriend is suffering from kidney failure and is currently on dialysis. When he was critically sick last year, none of them offered to help him with anything. No rides to doctors appointments, no lunch brought to him, nothing. I think they stay away from him more now because I am in the picture.

 

Their hostility towards me used to bother me but now I figure it's their loss that they will never get to know or appreciate the woman that took care and continues to take care of their father. Truly their loss.

[itsthethoughtthatcounts]

Sounds like they aren't interested in having a relationship with you. It's the same way with me and my boyfriend, his kids can't stand me and want nothing to do with me. Their father, my boyfriend is suffering from kidney failure and is currently on dialysis. When he was critically sick last year, none of them offered to help him with anything. No rides to doctors appointments, no lunch brought to him, nothing. I think they stay away from him more now because I am in the picture.

 

Their hostility towards me used to bother me but now I figure it's their loss that they will never get to know or appreciate the woman that took care and continues to take care of their father. Truly their loss.

 

What a wonderful woman you are taking care of your boyfriend and i am sorry you are going through the same thing. I have never been in a relationship before with a man who has kids let alone kids that are my own age. It does feel weird but i figure they need to be at least polite and respectful of me as i am to them. I don't know them and would like to get to know them. I am in no way wanting to be their mother, but a friend would be nice.

 

It's sad things are the way they are. Thank you for sharing your situation with me.

[jordesse]

Yes they are being rude, but in their defence, their father is going out with a woman their age. That is always tough to deal with. I'm kind of going through something similar. My partner who is 29 's father (57) is marrying a woman who is 26. My partner is not happy! He fails to understand it and he's also concerned about his inheritance! I've tried talking to him about it but he thinks she's a gold digger due to their age gap. No matter what I say to him, he is utterly disgusted in his father and cannot understand why a woman of 26 wants to be with a man that much older. I have told my partner that if the woman makes his father happy, shouldn't he be happy if his father is happy? He says he will accept it but he will not go out of his way to condone it. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, cut the kids a break. As long as they are being civil, go along with it and let their comments slide for your partners sake. The last thing you want is to come between him and his kids. If he gets in the position where he feels stuck in the middle, he will probably always choose his kids. I know its unfair to have to put up with their rude behaviour but remember how hard this is for your partner. He probably well knows his kids don't approve but he sounds like he is making an effort. Bite the bullet and let the boy come over with his new girlfriend. If you show them you are a warm, friendly, loving, devoted partner, they will change their minds in time and realise you aren't a gold digger or in it for anything other then your partners love. Give them time, they will come around.

[itsthethoughtthatcounts]

One thing they definitely know is that i am not a gold digger as my partner is currently going through bankrupcy, so i am funding every single little thing and he is unable to work due to a health condition he had surgery for and we are yet to know what the outcome will be long term.

 

The kids have said they don't have an issue with the age gap but then they might be keeping their true feelings to themselves? I don't really know.

 

My bf's ex wife (the mother of the kids) split 16 years ago....she was the one who left my man and she has moved on remarried several times and has now settled with someone else. So i thought they would be ok with their father finding someone to take care of him particularly in the situation he is in now...finanically and with his health.

[jordesse]

Then this part of my advice applies: "So I guess what I'm trying to say is, cut the kids a break. As long as they are being civil, go along with it and let their comments slide for your partners sake. The last thing you want is to come between him and his kids. If he gets in the position where he feels stuck in the middle, he will probably always choose his kids. I know its unfair to have to put up with their rude behaviour but remember how hard this is for your partner. He probably well knows his kids don't approve but he sounds like he is making an effort. Bite the bullet and let the boy come over with his new girlfriend. If you show them you are a warm, friendly, loving, devoted partner, they will have no choice but to warm up to you and treat you with respect."