Questioning Engagement

[Xiibo]

I have been seeing my fiance for three years now. We have been engaged for 2 of those 3. 4 months ago, she graduated from college and I still have 1 and a half years to go. Lately, I have been meeting a lot more people on campus and spending more time with a few of them... mainly girls. I have been having severe issues with my girlfriend this past semester in regards to my going out. She is in bed every night at 10 PM because she complains about staying out late interferes with her new job (she works at 9-5, M-F). My recent outings have made me feel reluctant to return home to her (we are living together) and has made me realize that although I do love her, I don't think I'm in love with her anymore. I have been questioning our relationship for about a month. We are set to be married in december, and I know it would crush her if we broke up. I am finding myself happier when I am out with these new friends and making new friends than I am when I'm either at home or out with my fiance. I feel like I can't be myself when she's around. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to have them. I am at a complete loss.

[sisterlynch]

One, you are about to marry and you are welcoming that by spending more time at the bars looking at other women?

 

Two, you think this is her problem, when it is a relationship issue.

 

Three, You are living with her and pretending that you are single.

[Alla_Aleks]

Hi, Xiibo!

 

I've got a question for you. Have you asked your gf about how she feels when you come back home late or hang out without her? Probably she's not happy raither.

In my opinion you have to talk about it anyway. You won't be together if you have so different points of you.

 

Best regards, Alla_Aleks

[SwingFox]

Hi Xiibo,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your question. I understand that you are in a confused state right now and that you have doubts in your relationship.

 

Although sisterlynch didn't waste too many words, I think she has some valid points there. After all, you are in a relationship with this woman and you are going out to bars, looking at other woman at the same time. Personally, that would make me feel uncomfortable, too.

 

My suggestion is to see if you REALLY would like to get out of your current relationship and give up your marriage plans. So often I see young guys and women telling on here that they are so sorry that they broke up. Are you sure that you never want to be with her anymore, because that's what most likely is going to happen. Arent you going to miss her after a while. Remember that four years together is a long time! Remember that you did have marriage plans and plans to stick together. That says something about how you felt for her.

 

If you are sure that you want to get out of your current relationship, I would ask you to be very honest over things towards your g/f. Explain to her exactly what you feel and that you are not ready for settlement yet. Tell her that you still want to be on the dating path and that YOU have made a mistake. I also would add to it, that none of this is HER fault (after all YOU don't feel comfortable in this relationship, because you are currently looking for other things in life). After you're done telling her, give her the opportunity to ask questions, if she still have any and try to answer those as honest as possible. Why? So that you give her closure. I think that after being together for four years she deserves that much from you. When you give her closure, she will respect you more and heal faster from this wound.

 

I hope that this helps you on your way and I wish you good luck and strength to whatever you are going to decide.

 

~ SwingFox ~