My Insight - when ex goes immediately to someone else

[fridolyn]

Clarabelle: We're pretty much in the same boat except that there are no kids involved. SHe broke up with me 9 months ago and since then I've always been nice to her when we see each other (we live in a very small town and have many common friends so...) To me, being nice with her makes me feel good. I dont want to get her mad because I care for her. She's been going out with a friend of mine for the last 3 weeks. Even there, I wished her the best and said I was happy for her (told my "friend" too). It's very difficult to see them together especially when I remember her saying so many bad things about him (when we were together). God, its hard to believe. Anyway, I cant get angry at her thats probably the reason I still find the break-up painful.

 

***ENglish is my second language***

[idontgetit]

i think i can honestly say i couldn't take him back. after the completely cold and heartless was he treated me, he's definitely not the person i was once in love with. unfortunately, all the good times have been replaced by this spineless, cold hearted idiot who didn't really deserve me then and certainly doesn't deserve me after all this. how do you cut someone out of your life completely...i mean not even a call to see if they're alive after 9 years...that's a heartless worm to me.

[ForAnother]

I just don't really want my ex to get to me. I think that if I start gettin upset about her then she has won something over me. But I think that her more of her mentality, I feel like I must get upset because it means something to me in my life. I don't go through life without purpose, I do things because I want to do them.

 

I have talked all I need to talk to my ex about. Anymore and it would make her intrusive on my space. So I will sit back and let her choose what it is she wants from me. And I will see if I want to give her that after some of the crap she has done to me.

 

ForAnother

[DontGetIt]

Idon'tgetit -

Our names are similar and it sounds like our stories are too. That's kind of scary, but I guess there is a reason we both don't get it. My relationship lasted seven years. He moved on 2 weeks after the last time we discussed our relationship...he hadn't known if he made the right decision. Anyway, since he's moved on, I haven't heard a word. He knows how much he hurt me, and he hasn't reached out at all, even to see if I am still alive. As soon as we broke up he started acting like a completely different person, not the person I loved. How does that happen after seven years of knowing someone better than anyone did? If you feel anything like I do, I truly empathize.

 

I don't know how it would even be possible to take an ex back in this situation... what if they did the same thing after 2 more years, or after being married for years. Seems like if they could do it once, knowing how much they are hurting us, they could do it again.

[herewegoagain]

Idontgetit & dontdetit - That is the same way my ex treated me. She just turned off the switch and became a cold, heartless, gutless person that will someday get a taste of her own medicine. It's awful how a person who spends so much time on us can just throw us out of their minds and forget about us. Actually, if they can do that, I guess we are better off in the long run.

 

My piece of garbage (my ex) is already in love with her new man, suppossedley. they fell in love only weeks after she broke up with me. They are doomed - it may take a while, but they are doomed.

[idontgetit]

don't get it...

 

truly eerie. mine was 9 years and he's doing exactly the same thing.. acts like we're no longer even on the same planet. completely cut me off.... no texts, no emails. for all he knows, i could be dead and vice versa. completely different person from who he was when we were dating. so lost on this one. we should pm.

[DontGetIt]

I don't usually post, and just started to recently. I don't even know what PM means. I don't usually have time to do much other then enter my response b/c I am usually at work. And although this is horrible use of company time, I try to keep it brief, but sometimes it's what gets me through the day.

 

Anyway, my full story is in another discussion on this forum titled "When the Ex moves on RIGHT AWAY." I started that discussion because I couldn't find similar stories at the time. Anyway, the people who responded there say that the Ex can't be alone, or moves on to deal with their pain. And although those reasons make me feel better, I am not sure that I buy it.

[idontgetit]

hi don'tgetit,

 

PM = private message. it's the button down on the left under the name of the person you want to talk to. basically email through this server.

[DBL]

if you x leaves you for someone else, why would you want them back? Them goods are already tainted.

 

DBL

[DontGetIt]

It's not about wanting them back or not wanting them back. At least not for me. I don't think that would ever be possible. But regardless, after seven years, I'd like to understand how he could do that. We were seriosuly discussing marriage and he can move on so fast? It sucks to feel replaceable. Like you were no more special than any other girl you put in the same place. And after so long, sharing so much, years of being there for each other, and love... what? he stopped caring. Like Idon'tgetit and I have both said, our exes just became completely different people. I am sure you know your best friend really well, whether it's your significant other or not. Wouldn't you be a little surprised if they just up and wanted nothing to do with you all of a sudden. And acted in ways you would never expect from your best friend. Or you would just say, I don't want them back in my life and not even wonder what happened. It's not that easy.

 

I am angry as hell and I don't want him in my life. But what reason does he have to not want me in his? I didn't do anything. It's just messed how they deal with things...if that's what they are doing. I would just love an explanation. For him to tell me how a person treats someone they love like this. Hell, maybe I'll even understand. Doubtful, but I don't think he could come up with a reason anyway.

[DBL]

Well I know your angry, but I spent years being angry and I look back now and realize all the time I wasted being angry about it. One of my x's asked me to move in...So the week I did, she kicked me out. I still do not know the reason why. Then I had to deal with the BS she was telling people...that is what really made me mad, the betrayal. I was mad for about 3 years, but now I look back and I just wasted 3 years over someone that could care less.

 

Don't take the path I took, you never get that time back.

 

DBL

[jchan]

dbl's got a point

if they wanna split, and they're seeing someone else, chances are the last thing on their mind is you. it may seem harsh, but it's true. evein if it's a rebound effect, it also proves that they're seeing another guy just to forget about you.

[Foz]

having gone snooping i have now discovered my ex is contacting ex flings of his after only 5 weeks of breaking up with me..we were together for 3.5 years and living together for 2 of them years and now he is off playing the field while i am crying my eyes out and mourning him..

god what kind of fool am i to be crying over him and what kind of a**hole is he??

[DBL]

That is a common thing to do. Both men and women seem to do this a lot after a break up.

 

DBL

[Foz]

why do they do that?? to make them feel attractive?? to boost their ego?? or just because they have moved on that fast and want to play the field??

[DBL]

In my experience...

 

I sought x girlfriends after break ups for a couple of reasons.

 

1. I already been with them, so in my mind, why wouldn't they sleep with me again? That is just the thinking, not necessarily the truth.

 

2. The feeling fo being free and thinking that all these women want you, only to find out it wasn't the way we thought it would be, so what do you do? start calling x's to try to rekindle something.

 

3. Don't want to be alone and instead of trying or failing at meeting someone new it is easier to use the list you already have. Also seek the comfort from someone you already had comfort with.

 

In my perspective of this, at the point that I did this I felt the relationship was over and had nothing more to give me. I can also say from my perspective that I never had any intentions of actually dating any of my x's, just wanted to knock off a piece. I can't say that is every guys intentions.

 

Hope that helps in some understanding, if I can dig deeper into my head I will post more.

 

DBL

[Foz]

yeah but his ex lives in Australia and he lives in Ireland so what is the point in contacting her after all this time when he cant exactly hook up with her??

[DBL]

Well maybe they can't hook up now. Maybe it is just a reassurance thing to him to make him feel better. I think it is just eaiser on him to do that then to find someone else. I think a lot of guys do this, not only guys..but girls do the same. If any of my x's still talked to me, I probably would of called them by now myself.

 

DBL

[Foz]

so he is contacting her to reassure himself that he is attractive and wanted-its kinda pathetic dont you think???

[idontgetit]

wow...dbl, no offense but you sound really jaded. as for contacting ex.s i think that's pretty normal. although i've never had another ex, i have reconnected with people that had expressed interest while i was still dating my ex. obviously at that point they had no chance, but maybe now they do. we'll see.

[DBL]

No offense taken.

 

I just speak from experiences that I know of.

 

Foz, there can be a lot of reasons, not just the ones I provide. I am just saying from my point of view and from points of views I have witnessed. When things go bad, sometimes our significant others reach out to find someone to feel better about their situation or self. It doesn't happen all the time, but seems to happen a significant amount of times.

 

DBL

[MichaelM]

Dude I was just tha guy. My girl left her huband and came to me within a couple days. Told me I was the love of her life and she had never been happier. To make a long story short she is gone now lol The new dude won't be around long.