How do I find the balance with a depressed person?

[elephants]

My ex is in the hospital for bipolar and anxiety disorder. We've been broken up for 2 months now, but his depressive episode started a little before the break up, and I'd say even caused the break up. At first we kept casual contact. But after a while, I decided to go no contact because at that time, it made me a sick feeling to log on to Facebook and not know if he was really offline or just hiding, and if he's really not posting anything or if he just limited my access to his page. So one day, I deleted him from my friends list, and then I ignored a text he sent me. It's been 6 weeks since.

 

Last Saturday though, I gave him a random call, and in the ensuing conversation, I found out he has been institutionalized. With that phone call and especially after what I found out, I have decided that I want to re-establish the lines of communication between us. I want him to know that I'm still here.

 

While I have to be honest that I still love him and want him back, I believe 6 weeks of no contact have also allowed me to have a clearer head and heart. I feel more emotionally stable now, and I think I can handle to transition to limited contact with my ex.

 

I don't want to pressure him so I want to give him enormous amounts of space and let him initiate most of the contact. But it may be that before that can realistically be possible, I also need to do something first to re-establish trust and connection? After all, I did just disappear on him so suddenly. Also, I am conflicted because I read on the Internet that when bipolar/depressed people ask for space, it is not always wise to give them all the space they want, as sometimes they only say it but in reality they need you more than ever.

 

So how do I find that balance between giving space and letting him know I'm just here? It is his birthday on Friday and I plan to send a card. After that, I plan to lie low for a while. But should I never initiate any contact after that, or after some time without anything from him, is it okay if I check up on him again, just so he knows I haven't disappeared like last time?

 

Thanks in advance. Would appreciate advice from people who are familiar with depression/bipolar.

[Seraphim]

I would let him get stabilized first. They can not handle relationships until they are stable. Send him a birthday message but do not lay anything heavy on him about relationships or expectations or anything else. He is institutionalized to become stable and find the proper medications to make him more productive. Do not get in the way of that.

( my father is bipolar 1 and was diagnosed at 21 the year I was born.)

[elephants]

I would let him get stabilized first. They can not handle relationships until they are stable. Send him a birthday message but do not lay anything heavy on him about relationships or expectations or anything else. He is institutionalized to become stable and find the proper medications to make him more productive. Do not get in the way of that.

( my father is bipolar 1 and was diagnosed at 21 the year I was born.)

 

Hi Victoria66, I remember you, you also replied on my other thread. Thank you for your advice.