Had an extremely powerful emotional moment but still staying positive

[sonicfan287]

Hey everyone...

 

If it were possible Id give each of you a hug right now... because I know how hard this all is. I dont for a second take any of my own advice for granted or any others pain. I speak with the sincerest emotions when it comes to this topic of breaking up with someone you loved so much, because even months later, the pain can still sting.

 

Earlier tonight, while working on some classwork and just general housework, I started to feel a strange blah to my attitude. I was still getting things done which is good but instead of being happy about things getting done, I was just kinda flat, almost out of it and I was gripped with the familiar feeling of missing my ex, but it was different this time. I dont know that I miss HER anymore per se, but I miss what we had. I miss her enthusiasm, I miss her personality, I miss our constant contact and our times together but the person she is now doesn't suit me. The person she is now has done terrible things to me and I just want to block her forever... but I miss who she was and what we had.

 

I thought about all of this as I was simultaneously trying to fold clothes and I just couldn't take it. I got such a weird headache and then that feeling you get just before youre about to cry. I dont know if ANYONE has ever felt that feeling and actually stopped themselves from crying but I came about as close as you can to stopping it. I literally tried pacing around the house, I had to do ANYTHING but cry. Ive spent SO many tears on this girl... I couldnt do it even one more time, and I was finally starting to feel good about the way I looked too, so I didnt want those red bloodshot eyes again from crying... I stifled it, and kept stifling it but it was SO powerful...

 

And everywhere I went in the house, I had a memory of where she was at the time... for my birthday party in 2009 when I first introduced her to all my friends in the kitchen... in my basement a few times, helping me spring clean, just everywhere pretty much and I just broke down. I was so close to throwing myself onto my bed as I have SEVERAL times already and just letting the tears fly but I couldn't... I mean, I could, but I just wouldn't... I couldn't let her have this power on me anymore.... I still cried, but only a few tears.

 

Im still torn between whether its better to let it out when you have that feeling or actually hold it back... I still dont know because either way I felt terrible during that time and am only now starting to relax and cool down but I thought Id share the experience with you. I just hate... now more than ever, when anyone tells you to "just get over it" when you go through something like this. Even my own mom, although feeling bad for me, has told me to GET OVER IT and said things like SHES A TERRIBLE PERSON! SHE USED YOU! GET OVER IT!

 

Yes... I cant deny that she probably DID use me, but it still doesnt help... at least not all the time. I am feeling better overall though and Im going to try to let this go. I dont know about you guys but for whatever DUMB reason, whenever I start to cry like that, I want to call someone, I even want to call my ex and let her know Im crying. I dont do it but why is that even a thought? Why do I need an "Audience" when I cry? Even if I called a friend and cried (which I have done, many times), what would that accomplish? Im not really sure...

 

Anyway, as Ive mentioned, I am here for ANYONE and EVERYONE on ENA these days and always. Ive already PMed many people personally but would love hearing from others if theyve been too shy to speak about anything theyre going through, relationship related or otherwise.

[theface71]

I myself am sick of hearing my friends say those words get over it. Like as if it is the simplest thing in the world to do when you love somebody unconditionally. That is part of the reason I really don't see any of my friends right now because I know how much I annoy them with my emotional roller coaster. Even my own ex didn't understand why I was not adjusting well to the break-up like her during the last time we talked as if the 3 years were insignificant to her...that was almost 4 months ago...If only there could be a pill to just simply get over it.

[JA0371]

I think wanting someone to relate to how how you are feeling is quite normal. It's not that you want an ' audience' it's that you want some empathy. Here, we are all sort of in the same boat...on the same team, so to speak, so we call all relate to your misery and sadness than someone who might happen to be in a happy relationship. Let me add that the worst people to talk to about breakups during a breakup, is a self righteous happily married couple. Those people are great for marital advice before you get married, but they are likely not going to understand or empathize with your pain.

[theface71]

I think wanting someone to relate to how how you are feeling is quite normal. It's not that you want an ' audience' it's that you want some empathy. Here, we are all sort of in the same boat...on the same team, so to speak, so we call all relate to your misery and sadness than someone who might happen to be in a happy relationship. Let me add that the worst people to talk to about breakups during a breakup, is a self righteous happily married couple. Those people are great for marital advice before you get married, but they are likely not going to understand or empathize with your pain.

 

That is so true...most of my friends are happily married which is why they gave me very little empathy...It is like they have no recollection of what it is like to be rejected since they have been out of the dating world for so long...they offer all sort of cliche advice like it wasn't meant to be or you deserve better blah blah blah...

[Juliette ne pas]

Hey everyone...

 

If it were possible Id give each of you a hug right now... because I know how hard this all is. Thanks that's just what I needed.

I'm trying hard not to break down as well.

[Juliette ne pas]

That is so true...most of my friends are happily married which is why they gave me very little empathy...It is like they have no recollection of what it is like to be rejected since they have been out of the dating world for so long...they offer all sort of cliche advice like it wasn't meant to be or you deserve better blah blah blah...

 

Hey, I have no words to make it better, I know it hurts and I'm sorry. I'd like to give you a hug as long as you don't punch me in the nose...Rosel

[stonecutters93]

I've posted on here a few times before, but my situation was slightly different because I had an unrequited love for my best girlfriend. There's a lot of details and history between us, but in the end a relationship never came to be. And because of it we went from best friends to complete strangers.

 

I was deeply in love with this girl, I would have done anything to make her happy. I was willing to give her everything in my life, and try my damn hardest to give her everything she ever wanted. But that wasn't enough. She turned me down a few times, but in doing so showed me the kind of person she truly was. She used the fact that I loved her to feed off of it for an ego boost. She would keep me on the hook by telling me she could see us being together "someday" and even talked about marrying me at one point. But because I was the best friend I got to hear about her hookups and guys she had a crush on. And everytime one of them failed, she came to me all hurt and upset, because she knew I'd always be there for her.

 

That all stopped almost 5 months ago. My love for her affected what little amount of friendship we truly had left (we were really great friends before feelings became involved) and I finally was forced to tell her I could no longer be part of her life while I had feelings for her. The damage was done though. My self respect was shattered, my confidence was at an all time low, and I could my friends becoming increasingly frustrated with me because I would asked them daily what to do. I had officially hit rock bottom and all over a girl I had never even been in a relationship with.

 

A few months into my no contact and I was going through the roller coaster of emotions. I became quite angry at her, for someone to call me "the bestest friend she ever had" and treat me the way I was treated was something I did not deserve. She used me, had no respect for me and made me feel beneath all the 2 week flings she dated. I left the door open for a potential friendship down the road when feelings were completely gone, however she took it pretty personally when I left and I doubt she ever wants to be friends again.

 

Fast forward to today and I'll be the first to admit I'm not completely healed, but am doing much better. I still think about her a lot, the good times we had and all the inside jokes and memories we created. But I also think about everything horrible I went through, mostly about being used and lead on. I highly doubt if we ever reconcile our friendship it will be the same, but I'm leaving that to god to decide if our paths to friendship will cross again. The whole experience has taught me a lot though, and I'm happy to say I've learned from it and gained much of my self respect and confidence back. I just hope nobody has to go through heartbreak like this, or even at all. Like theface71 said, if only there was a pill to simply get over it.

[sonicfan287]

Hey Stonecutters...

 

Im very sorry to hear this and it is truly sad and especially hard to believe that people could do this but my ex did it, Im pretty sure and I actually have a female friend who fits the bill for what youre talking about. I first met this particular female friend in 2008 and we were close and I did have feelings for her at first, but I quickly realized we weren't going to work as a couple. Despite that, I did still keep in touch and she even would drop me hints that she may be into me, so since I wasn't looking at any other girl in that way, I figured why not continue hanging out with her, and pretty much fell into the same trap you mention, always hearing about her cruddy guys, getting abused to give her rides places, and pay for her lunches and blah blah blah.

 

HOWEVER... I have to say, over the years this girl has become a legit good friend. She calls me her best friend but I dont really see her that way, but I appreciate her love. The thing that annoys me though is that she has put me down a lot in the past and well, its just been weird. The thing is, this girl actually FIXED me up with my ex girlfriend and I remember she got jealous because when I got a girlfriend, I showed her less attention and she started getting pissed. When we've broken up though, she's been the first one there for me and was there for me that tragic day I attempted suicide and met me at the hospital.

 

Unfortunately, Ive had to cut ties with her for the moment because her drama and occasional manipulations were just driving me crazy. So Ive lost an ex and potentially a "best friend" (whos another person but still) from this whole ordeal. I dont know what I need to do but Im starting by changing the people I associate with. Im contacting some old friends and others who have been there for me the whole time and staying close with them

[OahuGrown808]

I would be proud to be able to cry in front of my friends. It shows that you are not afraid to show some vulnerability and I think that's awesome. It helps people grow closer.

 

Anyway, similar story here with unrequited love - or what I thought was love. I guess my hangup is that I've never been in a romantic relationship before so I'm not sure what romantic love feels like. It has to be different than the love one feels for his parents or family, right? Is it even possible to be in love with someone without ever having dated them?

 

Blah, long story short, I was crushing hard on one of my co-workers and we were getting along really well in the beginning. She was really playful and happy, and we would talk all the time on FB, text, that kind of thing. I would even say some of our interactions were flirty. As my luck would have it, she had a boyfriend at the time. They eventually broke up and I saw an opportunity (foolish, I know). I ended up staying late with her after work and built up the courage to tell her how I felt. There was some awkwardness, especially since I've never said this kind of thing to a girl before, but she ended up telling me that she cares about me as a friend, but that us together probably wasn't a good idea because of our differences in religious beliefs. More specifically, she's a Christian and I'm an atheist.

 

Anyway, I know my experience isn't exactly the same magnitude as both of your stories (having never actually been in a relationship with her), but it still made me feel like crap and I still think about her everyday. Sometimes I'll hear a song that reminds me of her and cry to myself before bed. It all feels so ridiculous that I would spend so much energy and time thinking about someone who will never reciprocate or appreciate it. Anyway, I'm getting better slowly and I just have to keep on truckin'.

 

Bottom line, talk to your friends about it. I've been fortunate to have supportive friends that have really helped me work through some of my issues. Hell, I even talk to my mom and brother about personal stuff sometimes. At the very least, they all provide an outlet and we all need to emotionally unload sometimes. Additionally, I've discovered that the roots of my issues and unhappiness has a lot more to do with myself than a specific girl or negative experience. Friends are the cheapest therapists around - you can have an incredibly long, in-depth, and constructive discussion for the cost of a few beers.