What do i do from here?

[sevenohnine709]

Ok...

Basically the most beautiful girl in my high school moved next door to me. I wasn't a popular kid.. i was far from it. Not a loser but not popular. She was extremely popular and every guy though she was gorgeous.. anyways Basically because of the cliquey nature of my highschool and the fact she was a year older we had no "similar friends" etc.

I am now in my 4th year university and i had not said a word to her ever. Not even a single word until today. It took me years to get the courage to talk to her.. I saw her outside today and i went outside and talked to her briefly ..

 

I knew she was a year ahead of be in Business in university so i asked her if she had a book that i needed. (Now i do not need the book, it was the only thing i could come up with to make the conversation not awkward and to make it seem like i had a reason to talk to her..) For the past 4 years i have been thinking about how to talk to her and i finally did it... now i do not know how to make the next step.

i would give anything to take her on a date, and i am afraid that eventually she will move out of her parents house and move away i would have lost my chance.

 

I do not considering myself as an ugly guy, i would rate myself a 7-8/10. I would consider her easily a 10/10 and everyone of my friends agrees.. i have always been held back by the fact that all the guys she has dated have been the popular, "Jacked" guys..

 

Anyways before i ramble on too much.. i spent 4 years thinking of how to "talk" to her for the first time... i have no idea what to do for step 2..

 

thanks

[SuperDuper]

I recently watched a video on YouTube about gaining the courage to ask a girl out. Basically the guy was in his 40s and received an email from a girl he knew 20+ years ago. She asked him why he never asked her out. His response was that he didn't want to get rejected. His simple (experienced) perspective on the situation really opened my eyes... he said that IF he took a chance 20 years ago then he could have created great, wild, passionate memories with this girl and instead he simply avoided it because he was afraid of rejection.

 

Now I turn the issue to you... you've lived beside her for however long, and known her for longer, yet never take the risk to ask her out? What other life will you do it in?

 

You two don't seem to share friends or anything so there's even less chance that a possible rejection will linger around. I see absolutely zero risk in asking her out unless you think your pride could be damaged. The thing is, if you man up and have the balls to actually approach her confidently and CASUALLY ask her to join you for this or that, then she'll very likely respect your courage and may even say yes! Even if she says no at least you'll go to sleep that night feeling like a man who took a positive step forward.

 

I struggle with regret in life... meaning if I feel I should have gone to a party or something where a girl I like was, I'll regret not going. Or if I don't ask a girl out when I feel my chances are slipping away, I'll greatly regret it later. It is bad in a sense, but it's also awesome because it gives me the motivation to at least TRY!

 

Stop rating you and her.. it doesn't matter what she looks like or that she's older, or what her past boyfriends have looked like. If you have the right minset when you approach her, unless she's a total snob she'll respect your confidence and even if she says no, she may take you up on the offer later! It's a win-win in my opinion. So work on feeling WORTHY of her time/presence and then you can work on HOW to ask her out... meaning, when, what to say and where to go. Everything should be handled fun, casually, confidently and indifferently.

 

That's my opinion, I just don't want to see a potentially good thing go to waste.

[sevenohnine709]

Do you think i should talk a few more times casually before asking her? Should it be something casual like "Hey we have been neighbors for a while and haven't really had a chance to get to know each other, would you want to grab a coffee sometime?"

I currently have the text book, and either 1 have to give it back or 2 give her money for it. I did that to make sure i had a "Reason" to see her face to face again.

[Ms Darcy]

After years of knowing her all you can say about her is that she is beautiful and a 10. Move on. Move on because you are chasing a dream and not reality.

[sevenohnine709]

I said i have never talked to her because of the "Cliquey" nature of my high school, and me being shy.

So no i do not know her i just know her face.

[SuperDuper]

OK, well don't pay her for the book because you DON'T need the book! That's silly. I'm really hoping you two have exchanged names already, and so she at least doesn't refer to you in her head as the "stranger neighbour kid" ... Honestly, when you give her the book back just say "Thanks a lot"... smile at her and ask her what she's up to this weekend, or what she's up to tonight, or whatever!

 

Small talk, and just seem upbeat and interested in her responses. Do not ask questions with the hope she'll see you're interested and ask you out, or hint at a time to take her out. Ask her questions with the mindset of listening to her and getting to know her. Here's what I'd probably say:

 

Me: Thanks a lot (hand her the book), so any big plans this weekend?

Her: __________________________________ - This could either be a nope, or yeah I'm doing such-and-such, or "I'm not sure".

 

If she says she's not doing anything well then I'd say "I'm heading to ______ with some friends to grab a drink Friday, you should tag along".

 

Then gauge her reaction/reply. She'll likely say something like Yes, or "yeah maybe, I"ll let you know"... but you have to basically be natural when you're talking with her; like you'd talk with a friend. Go from there!

[sevenohnine709]

ya she knows who i am etc, and my name and such. No i am returning the book she told me to "put it in her mailbox or somthing" but i am going to make an effort to give it back face to face.

So i should keep it small talk for now, and not make any big moves like asking her to go for an ice cream etc?

 

Note i have her on facebook, from just a long time ago.. do you reccomend talking to her on that? or more so in person and such!

[laura40]

Give the book back. As SuperDuper says, you should act casual and friendly. Ask her if she's doing anything at the weekend (an example) and if she says no or not sure, then add the "well me and a few friends are going out for a drink, you should join us."

I wouldn't ask her straight out on a date, as it might be a little too soon because you hardly know each other.

 

Regarding the facebook issue, I would recommend talking to her more face-to-face.

[sevenohnine709]

ya i gave her the book back today, and then her cat escaped so helped her get the cat back. (Yea being a hero! hah jokess)

But ya i had like small talk (I didn't ask her to go at anything the weekend ) but she was saying how she is on detox because she went drinking 4 days straight last weekend for the long weekend.

The thing now is trying to get a chance to talk to her again hah without like facebook etc.

[sevenohnine709]

Oh also.. today we were talking because she is a finance major, and i joked around saying that i messed up a quiz on it that i had today and she offered to help me out on that.. which i seriously am going to take her up on hah !