Ex contacts to meet for a drink!?

[diddums]

So its been 1 year and 6 months since my ex left me.

Occasionally ive spoken to her over the last 6 months but not alot, been way too busy to talk. Today she told me she would be working this weekend in my area for a day and that I should come down and have a drink.

 

She has been I would say kinda flirty, teasing etc. Im not sure what to really or make of it. I cant say I was ever happy with what she did to me with leaving me, but I did learn alot about myself and become a better person. Aswell its very difficult to say I have no feelings, being she was the first person I have actually loved and me being her first to, so ive always felt something. I suppose im confused about why now, and what all this inviting me to come down have a drink could be about. Our relationship didnt end with anger or hate, but we still cared and her wanting to still talk to me, but I just had to go nc, which I handled for a year!

 

Any thoughts or opinions would be great as I am confused and shocked. Could she still care but of taken till now to see it?

[SuperDuper]

Why now you ask? There's no way any of us can tell you for sure. I agree you must have some feelings remaining for her or else you wouldn't even care to be curious about it. You'd either accept her invitation if you want to see her, or decline if you don't. So I turn the question to you, what do you want from her? If she told you she wants a relationship, would you be willing to try? On the other hand, if she just wants to see how you are, and potentially slowly fall back into your life as friends... are you OK with that?

 

Basically it doesn't matter what her motives are right now, we can't tell you, and it is quite irrelevant in my opinion. Until you decide what you want with her (friendship, relationship, nothing) then you'll likely just stay stressing about what her thoughts are. You could always just agree to meet with ZERO expectations and gauge her actions/words to get a better idea of her intentions. Or simply ask her "why now?...". As long as you're polite and to-the-point I don't see any issues.

[EgoJoe]

If she said "you should come down for a drink." I would say this, "You "should" learn how to talk to people."

 

Ignore, disregard and don't entertain her BS. Don't be her shoulder to cry on, backburner dude etc.

 

The very way she "asked" is a really egotistical way of speaking to people and it suggests expectations.

 

You risk getting used. Yes, I am serious.

[ks1986]

I would say if you can handle going in with no expectation, granted it's been as long as it has...go for it. You could end up kicking yourself or wondering what if forever. But if it's going to be something that makes you lose control or hurts you if it's just a friendly meeting, you might want to just pass on it.

[HopefulNessie]

I'd agree with ks1986

[EgoJoe]

Don't go, period. She doesn't get to jump you and tell you what you SHOULD do, where is your self-respect man!

[diddums]

After so long im sure I could go with just talking as friends in mind, honestly nothing has come to mind in a way to get back together at all with her, more curiosity. Aswell who knows what could openup from seeing her. I care for her but not in the way I need to be with her. But I can see and agree with egojoe as well.

A odd one for me but I may have to dig a bit deeper to see what her reason for it is, as something tells me its more than a meet as friends for a chat here.

[Streetbob]

I wouldn't be able to resist. I would be just too curious.

[Donovan79]

Eh, don't get all in a bunch about the "should" comment, sometimes that's just meant in a flirty-fun way.

 

Unless you have changed in some significant way since the breakup -- and I don't mean just getting over her, I mean new job, house, life, gym, whatever -- don't go. If you're the same "you" you're going to discover she just went through her own breakup, needs you for emotional support, and you'll give it to her and then get dumped a second time as you're still the same guy she made #2 last time and ditched.

 

But of course you're gonna go anyway. Just be relaxed, happy... yet very careful.

[toby17]

I don't want to tell you what to do because this will feel like an opportunity you should take advantage of.

 

But I will say that two things struck me as peculiar about her contact

(1) she told you that you should come have a drink with her, not could she have a drink with you nor do you want to catch up for a drink

(2) that she's been flirty - that's doesn't actually strike me as a good sign, flirty sounds like someone who'll enjoy playing a game, not someone whose desperate to be back with you.

 

Maybe you should turn her down. But in a way that won't put her off trying again if she's serious.

[Lightning87]

I'd say go for it as long as you don't get your hopes about her 'seeing the light'. That's if you want her back, you might not even want to.

 

No harm in meeting for a drink if you didn't end on bad terms. We will always hold some kind of anger(?) if we are dumped.

[2bcome1]

I read you posts about her being with the gigs/rebound guy.

Do you know if she is still with him???

If she's no longer with him she could be reaching out to you!

[diddums]

Hey everyone, thanks for the replys.

 

I have changed alot since and shes even said I have. New job, new hobbies, new look, a different life overall, one where Ive been very successful in my work and accomplished things I was struggling with while with her.

I think ill go for a bit, Im not hoping for some sort of getting back together or reigniting a spark. More just a casual drink and chat nothing more really but aswell im curious.

 

Im not sure if shes with him still actually 2bcome1, not really something that crossed my mind ever and she hasnt brought him up. Compared to when she used him as a way to make me jealous.

I think the main thing right now for me is, I have no interest in getting back with her. I dont care much for what she thinks of me either really, Im very happy with my life

[EgoJoe]

I think you might be in denial. Do what you gotta do.