StarGazer68 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 So, boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months. We just realized had sex for the first time. I don't have a lot of relationships to compare to but I am disappointed that after a long time of trying to orgasm, for some reason I was unable to and so I had to fake it. It's upsetting me that I wasn't able to orgasm on our first time together and it's starting to make me think we are incompatible sexually or I couldn't go because I had something mentally blocking me. I really am unsure about that but I don't know what to think. I wanted our first time to be great and special where we both went. When I think about the sex, I get turned on and am wondering why I had so much trouble when it was happening. I don't think I usually have a hard time orgasming. I really wanted to go so it would be memorable and special. Am I being silly and let go of this? Should I stop reading so much into it and what it "means" for the relationship? I'm also upset that my bf used condoms he had probably left over from a previous girlfriend. Should I be upset by that? Or chill out and not care.... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I think you weren't able to let yourself go because you don't really trust him. I don't think a first time needs to be any less memorable or special because there was no orgasm but if you feel that way in general then it might be a better idea to look for someone who feels that way too. As far as the condoms -well, they're not cheap so that might be a bit of an overreaction. You wrote before that he is broke. Link to comment
Minx2012 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 The problem is this : You focused too much on the " perfect details " of your first time together. In other words, you imagined it to be a certain, specific way, thus solidifying certain ( possibly unrealistic ) expectations. The reality is that vaginal orgasms ( NOT clitoral orgasms ) are harder to achieve. Not having one on your first time with your boyfriend does not mean that you are both sexually incompatible. Thinking this way affects your psychological outlook on sex with him. Having this idea can usually tarnish of how you view him sexually and thus, don't be too surprised in the future if the sex life becomes lacklustre. Take away all the expectations....lay back, enjoy the foreplay and relax. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I think you couldn't let yourself go because you don't trust him and I can't relate to needing to have an orgasm for a first time to be special and memorable. If that's a requirement for you then you probably need to keep looking for someone where that happens the first time. Link to comment
Natasha24 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Lots of women can't orgasm from sex alone, this is really common. It sounds like you put to much pressure on it to be something magical, and you became too stressed to enjoy it. Once you relax, you'll have more fun and might be able to orgasm. As for him using condoms from his ex, I don't see that as a big deal. It would have been wasteful for him to throw them out and buy a new box. It's not like they were used or anything. Link to comment
StarGazer68 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Share Posted May 12, 2012 I think you weren't able to let yourself go because you don't really trust him. I don't think a first time needs to be any less memorable or special because there was no orgasm but if you feel that way in general then it might be a better idea to look for someone who feels that way too. As far as the condoms -well, they're not cheap so that might be a bit of an overreaction. You wrote before that he is broke. Hi Batya. Thank you for writing. I think you may be right that I don't trust him still. I guess that would affect me going I suppose. I guess I'm overreacting about not orgasming and the condoms. He actually does have money to go to the movies and dinners by himself I discovered he went to a dinner by himself and out with his roommate to see a movie so he could afford a new small box of condoms. Link to comment
StarGazer68 Posted May 12, 2012 Author Share Posted May 12, 2012 Moderator Note: merged threads. Thank you! I posted off my phone at work and it somehow posted twice. Link to comment
jumper11 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Coming from someone who usually orgasms 90% of the time - I NEVER orgasm with my first time with someone so I think you need to take it as it is and realize it gets better as time goes on. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 If you base your sexual compatibility on your first time having sex with someone...I think you will set yourself up for alot of failure. Having sex, or having GOOD sex is learning about your partners likes and dislikes and techniques and methods. You can't master that on the first time you have sex with them. And I think its naive to think you'll have aterrible sex life and it won't work out because you didn't orgasm. That stuff can take time. I certaily didn't orgasm the first several times having sex...doesn't mean we didn't go on to have mind blowing sex and a wonderful sex life full of orgasming sex. Link to comment
LoveHurts89 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 It really isn't a huge issue as long as the sex is enjoyable. I didn't orgasm for a while with my current partner, and it only happens probably every 1 in 4 times we have sex, not through lack of him trying, I assure you! Women are just difficult to please. Heck, with my last partner, I didn't orgasm ONCE in 2.5yrs! Try not to let it upset you. Xxx Link to comment
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