is it okay to tell her i love her?

[surething]

Hi everyone. Well, this girl isn't my girlfriend. I've known her for ove a year now. We both like each other, and she wanted to go out but i didn't know, and now she's seeing someone else. I've asked her out and she basically said we can't because she's got a boyfriend and stuff like that. The thing is, I know she likes me too, even her friend has told me. She's been having problems with her boyfriend, he's been treating her pretty badly and she's turning to me lately. We've gotten really close the last few weeks. We've opened up to each other and talked about some personal things. She said i make her feel like she can trust me, and that she usually doesn't trust anyone. She also told me how much i mean to her and a lot of things like that. I've told her i like her and care about her - that was around the time this started so i think she liked it. I've never had this with anyone before, especially a girl that i really like. We used to be distant and she's always shut me out, now she's totally different towards me and we're getting along really well.

 

My question is, would it be a bad mistake to tell her i love her? I'm not saying doing it, i'm just curious. I really do care about her a lot, i've liked her since we met. I don't think saying "i like you" is enough because she means a lot to me and i have feelings for her. I want to her to see this and understand that her boyfriend is no good (he really isn't, i'm not just saying that b/c i like her) and i have strong feelings for her. What do you think? Or does this girl even like me as more than a friend? i can add more info if needed

[Tinkerbell]

I don't think you should base your decision that she likes you as more than a friend solely on the fact that her friends said that this was the case. It seems to me that if this were true, she would've already dumped her boyfriend and initiated a relationship with you instead. However, it is possible that she's afraid to end things with him and she does have feelings for you, but there's no way for me to tell for sure.

 

As for telling her you love her, I think that this is a BIG mistake. I would say as a general rule you shouldn't tell someone you're in love with them unless you're involved with them, this being especially true if that person is involved with someone else. No matter how much you dislike her boyfriend, it does not give you the right to try to move in on his "girl." Would you like it if it were the other way around and some guy was professing his love for your girlfriend? I don't think so. If he should find out, you can expect some serious behind-kicking.

Besides, since you cannot be completely positive that she feels the same way it also isn't wise to tell her you love her because things might be awkward between you two afterwards. Right now you should be there for her when she needs your help, and support her in whichever decision she makes, even if her choice of a boyfriend isn't you.

~Tink

xxx

[JynX]

If she's having problems with her boyfriend and is turning to you for a shoulder to lean on, great. For right now, I'd say be her friend. Dont try to push another relationship on her until this one is completely gone and over with. In time I'm sure she'll realize you trully do care and whatever happens afterwards happens. Good luck!

 

JyNx

[surething]

yeah, i figured it was a bad idea! I wasn't going to do it, I just wanted some opinions. I wouldn't do that while she's involved. I know its wrong, but i only asked because she doesn't seem to happy with him and i really do care about her. I'm just really confused with her a lot of times and don't know what i'm supposed to be doing. I've never been in this situation and I really want to be with her. I've also never been so close to a girl before. She's different than girls i've dated because they weren't serious. I'm affraid i'll mess up somehow. Anyway, thanks for the input and warning

[bexcelant]

Tell her if you want to risk it all for this girl. Tell her only if you're wiling to risk all including the friendship. If you tell her, she'll never look at you the same. Tell her and you'll have to keep your distance until she breaks up with her boyfriend.

 

My advice to you...one way you risk all. The other way you're still her friend and she will talk to you and confide in you. Don't tell her and keep your love hidden until the right moment.

 

getting married. I've lost the friendship too. Why? Not because I believed I did the wrong thing. I had nothing to lose. I couldn't bear to watch her with another guy. I lost her because she was not mature enough to talk things out with me and let me be her friend while she set her boundaries. Be silent and stay the course. Wait for her to breakup if she ever does. At least if you're her friend, when he screws up you can be there to tell her she deserves better.

 

I did it the other way. Now I have lost her and she's

BEX

[surething]

Thanks everyone. But i have another question - would it be okay to be into another girl? There's this other girl i used to like and still do and she's single. I wouldn't want to pass an opportunity up with her. But i jokingly mentioned her to the first girl and she blew up. She seemed jealous and asked how i could do that to her, stuff like that. But if she doesn't like me, why would she react that way?

[JynX]

Sure it's okay to be into another girl...but it's not the best move to tell her that, even as a joke. Girls take those things seriously. But by blowing up like that, I'd say she has feelings for you that are a little bit more than friendship.

 

JyNx

[surething]

Sure it's okay to be into another girl...but it's not the best move to tell her that, even as a joke. Girls take those things seriously. But by blowing up like that, I'd say she has feelings for you that are a little bit more than friendship.

 

JyNx

 

I was thinking the same thing but i wasn't sure. She got pretty upset when i said it. She asked me how i can turn my feelings for her off and like someone else. So i guess she really does like me. But, she said she sees me as a friend. At the same time, she said she thinks about us going out. She also said she wanted me to ask her out a long time ago. Her friend tells me she really likes me a lot. I don't know what to believe! She's been really confusing and sending me mixed signals. I don't know what to do. Would asking her about this be a mistake?

[JynX]

Being upfront and direct never hurts...so I say go for it and just ask her if she wants to be friends or more. Dont take a "I dont know" for an answer...because that just says she doesnt want something with you right now, but is still wanting to keep you around. Thats not too good.

 

JyNx

[ddriver7]

i think you may have a chance but maybe she just sees you as a friend. Good luck, i went through the same thing man.

[surething]

i talked to her and we're just friends. I didn't have to ask - she told me how her boyfriend really is a nice guy and asked if i found anyone new. I guess i missunderstood everything. But i'm glad to have her as a friend at least. Oh well...on to the other girl, and i'm sure i'll be needing advice on her pretty soon. Thanks.

[themysteriousone]

well being friends is better than nothing. when i was in your situation, i told her how i felt and i havent had any contact with her since. and that was 4 months ago. and i also now like a different girl who im friends wiv and once agen i told her how i felt but we're still good friends and its like i never told her(as in it didnt create any awkwardness like with the first girl).i wish you good luck with this new girl