Should i express my feelings to her?

[clint88]

So i have strong feelings for this girl i work with. She has been engaged though,for five years and has had some recent troubles with her fiance. she says she's not even sure if they are gonna be together much longer, because they have been fighting alot and he has shown no interest in setting a date for the wedding, and that after five years of being engaged he still hasn't grown up yet.

 

She's really awesome and we get along very well. We take lunch breaks together and talk about our lives and other stuff. I haven't told her my feelings but have dropped hints, such as "he should feel lucky to be with an awesome girl like you" and other stuff like that.

 

One time a date actually stood me up and the next day when she asked about it , I told her and she said "aww well if you asked me I would have said yes".

 

She also gave me her number and is always telling me to text her when we aren't working.

 

I know she's engaged so she's off limits but she doesn't seem happy with this guy. She has a kid with him, and he proposed when she was pregnant and she is starting to think the only reason he did propose is because he got her pregnant

 

Should I discuss my feelings with her? or just leave it alone?

[BrianH46]

Leave her alone, what you are doing isn't cool. Btw the things she did does not point to her being interested in you, women will always need someone to vent to about their relationship and you will never know the whole story unless you are involved in the relationship.

[FlashEng1]

Leave her alone, what you are doing isn't cool. Btw the things she did does not point to her being interested in you, women will always need someone to vent to about their relationship and you will never know the whole story unless you are involved in the relationship.

 

This. Plus my following, personal, rules:

1. Never date co-workers. Business+Pleasure don't mix well. Especially when one side suffers.. which IT WILL. Plus you spend 8 hours a day with this person, only to go home and spend ANOTHER 8+ ... okay seriously love can get boring too!

2. You're "talking" with someone who is in a relation----ENGAGED.

3. ENGAGED and she's texting you. Who cares if the guy is Charles Manson! She's still with him.. Surely you have enough pride and self-respect to wait until that ring is OFF her finger and she has moved OUT of that house with that guy, and ready to move on with her life...

4. Number 4 assumes she's even READY after number 3... Then you have to deal with the emotional baggage of what's already happening.. You're playing crying shoulder now?? I'm almost tempted to bet you to give it a shot with her and see where this winds up in 6 months.. NOOOOOOOOOoooooooo leave MARRIED, ENGAGED, IN A RELATIONSHIP, COMMITTED, ETC ETC ETC WOMEN ALONE! Whether they have the longggggggest, most saddening story or not! Because WHATEVER they are telling you: It's obviously not bad enough for you to leave him.. (short of children, harm, etc).

 

The interest is there. FINE, we'll run with that and assume that little line she gave you meant so much more.... then tell her how you feel, and follow up with "but I won't be here to ruin anything going on, or to wait for anything to happen. When you've made up your mind about this guy, you let me know."

[fundate]

Don't tell her your feelings at all. She is ENGAGED!

 

If you think she's gonna dump her guy and you want to be next in line then just be Mr. Cool. Make her laugh whenever you can. Be friendly. But keep your hands to yourself while she has a boyfrind/fiance. She also works with you, so if you make a move while she's engaged and it blows up in your face, now you have also got an awkward work situation.

 

The other thing, if you want a shot with her later do not talk to her about her fiance or her relationship troubles. That is very often a ticket into the friend zone. Think about this - if she knows that you like her, would she ask you for advice about her relationship trouble? Of course not, because she knows that you want her and want the jerk boyfriend gone - she would think your advice was biased. If she is really talking to you about her relationship problems a lot then you should try to change the subject. Start using generic and POSITIVE cliche type advice when dealing with this situation: "Oh that is strange that he would do that, but I'm sure you guys will work through it." If that's all you are giving her you can avoid the psychiatrist role. Try to then redirect the conversation to fun things, laughter, etc... She is feeling DOWN about this guy. When you are talking to her about her terrible relationship then she continues to feel down. Switch that dynamic up as fast as possible. If you are constantly making her laugh and she constantly has fun around you it will provide a sharp contrast to the boyfriend she is feeling down about.

 

In the meantime you should be looking for other girls to go out with. Keep the relationships non-exclusive if you want to keep your options open.

[TiredOfGames]

Everything that's been said above. Leave this alone. Working together and the kid only complicates things further. It's also a good rule to not date someone straight out of a relationship. Everything here spells baggage and trouble. Do yourself a favor and look elsewhere!