boyfriend thinks I'm a flirt

[amp1345]

Ok so my boyfriend and I need to resolve this once and for all, and we need as much input from you all as possible.

here's the quickest summary I can do...

My best friend, Maggie and her friend Tim and I went out to a bar last weekend. I invited my boyfriend to come as soon as he got off work. He got off around 12:30 and showed up at the bar. In the meantime the 3 of us friends were sitting at a table drinking. There was a guy that came up and he bought us all a round of drinks. (Even our friend tim) Then disappeared. There was a couple sitting next to me- husband and wife. Well the lady was really social and kept talking to me and soon her husband got involved and we were all talking. Nothing happened I think I may have rubbed his head because he was bald and I think it's cool. He kept touching my hat b/c it was soft. No biggie, right?? Well I didn't think so. But apparently my bf thinks that I am a big flirt and thinks that I was in the wrong. That I shouldn't have been talking to another guy when I knew he was coming. He told me that sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Well.. considering that I haven't gone out in at least a month with my friends, (and last night he came home from the strip clubs) I don't think I'm as "crazy" or out of control as he is tabbing me. SOooo.. we have a bet going on who is wrong and who is right. Help me out guys!!!

Ash

[Vert]

I feel your boyfriend's pain, but this kind of "flirting" seems pretty darn mild to me. I don't think anyone likes to witness their significant other being flirtatious and coy with anyone (married or not), and the fact that he was at a strip club doesn't mean much either. You know he's not going to get any of those girls and he's certainly paying them to come near him (not an insult, but honesty...). In fact, if my ex-gf ever told me she went to a male strip club with her girlfriends I would probably laugh. Why? Mainly because I know darn well that she's not hooking up with any of them and it's all for show. Sure you weren't going to hook up at the bar either, but I guess there's that sense of "this is real and she's not handing them dollar bills" that permeates it.

 

With that said, I think he's overreacting. What you did was very mild. Had you been doing this with a group of guys at the next table the yea I might have sided with your bf. Just think of it in the reverse -- what if you saw him touching another girl's clothing and letting her touch him back?

[jensus]

if what you said it true, especially the strip club thing, then ur bf is wrong.

[amp1345]

thanks guys-- I understand what you mean about the strip club. I guess I'm not crazy about it, but it doesn't keep me up thinking about it either. I wonder if other girls get jealous or just bothered that their man goes to a strip club. He always says to me that his friends girlfriends don't care. But I've never given him that hard of a time about it. I guess the whole reality bit is true to b/w a bar setting and a strip club.

thanks for the input-anything else is welcome

Ash

[sonjam]

I went to a strip club with my boyfriend once, quite a classy place if I may say so, and even tho the girls would dance with their *uknowwhat's* in their faces, it is called lap dancing, I did not think it was that bad. Anyway, they don't just do it, you have to "rent" a lapdance, and it is quite expensive just getting in the door, and paying for the drinks, usually they just oggle the guys at the next table's lapdance!

 

Ag, this debate is as old as the mountains, but i guess it is a case of preference and security.

 

I for one, dont mind him going, some males just like looking at the menu, but I trust him enough to know he wont order anything.

 

some girls hate their boyfriends/husbands going, partly out of insecurity, and partly becouse the husband would probably cheat!

 

and then you get the dear sweet guys, who are not interested in going....

 

Getting back to your questions about you flirting, tell your boyfriend to get a life, you were chatting to a guy AND his wife was at the same table, pHULEEZE, be carefull he is not a bit obsessive....

[Luciana]

Sonjam, I admire your guts. I would be disgusted that by BF had to go look up clo se at another woman's private parts. That constitutes cheating to me.

How would men REALLY feel if you came home all happy from a male strip club after checking out some men's penises? Wouldn't he wonder why you need this?

No woman I know with self respect wants their BF's in those places. And some guys do touch these women and some of these women go to their apts. aftewards for money.

Even the nice guys can cheat if their friends cajole them enough. SOmetimes they have to appear macho to their friends.

Maybe it's a generation gap but women my age (30's and 40's) don't accept that. Maybe when you are 20 you don't care....

But the women I know care and would dump a guy who ddi that.

[AlleyCat]

I think both issues (you talking to the husband and wife, and your b/f going to the strip club) are borderline - There's nothing inherently wrong with doing either one, but if it bothers your significant other, you probably shouldn't do it (at least not often). And I also think being open about it helps. If my b/f was mildly flirting with a married woman with her husband right there, yes, it would probably bother me a little, but I'd get over it. On the other hand, if I heard about it from someone else, I'd be much more upset. It sounds like the two of you are open with each other (rather than him just saying he's going out with his friends and not bothering to mention that he's going to a strip club). I definitely think he overreacted about it, and you're not "crazy" for doing it. Hopefully just giving him some reassurance that he's the one for you will help...

 

And yes, I would be annoyed about my b/f going to a strip club (but he's never expressed any interest in doing so).

[ComputerGuy]

Even the nice guys can cheat if their friends cajole them enough. SOmetimes they have to appear macho to their friends.

Maybe it's a generation gap but women my age (30's and 40's) don't accept that. Maybe when you are 20 you don't care....

 

OK I have to comment on that. I'm 19 and I would NEVER go somewhere like that. Even if I did, it would be because I was out with my mates and it was a last minute decision by them to go. If someone cheats just ebcause their friends cajole them, then thats a pretty lame excuse.....well any excuse for cheating is......but I have been in situations where my friends have been at me and at me to hook up with a girl who I KNOW likes me, but I don't because I'm with someone else, and sex means something to me, it's not something I can just do for fun. I simply tell my friends "Give it up dude....it's not going to happen", they eventually get the hint, and its all good.

 

Anyone that needs to prove themselves to their friends needs to question exactly what sort of friends they really are. I have never had to prove myself to mine, I just be myself, and while I'm normally quiet and a nerd, not once was I ever made fun of by them, even though some of them were the guys who were into partying all the time.

[NeoAngel21185]

Okay, so normally, in relationships I'm a jealous person, I know that I am, but if your boyfriend is going out to strip clubs, while you're going to a bar, in my eyes, you have the right to be more angry then him... Yeah, you were talking to other people, but it's not like you were all over them, not only that, but the people you were talking to were a couple. This guy really needs to cool his jets...

[NeoAngel21185]

He always says to me that his friends girlfriends don't care.QUOTE]

 

Ash, other people's relationship aren't yours and your boyfriend's. There are other things that other guys do, and other things that other girls do. It's an unfair comparison, when you aren't like any other person, each individual is just that, an individual, different experiences, different thoughts, different opinions... It's a matter of trust, and if you are uncomfortable with it, then you have that right to be. But at the same point, if he doesn't want you going to bars with your friends, then it's only fair that he doesn't go to strip clubs and bars. It's the same atmosphere, if not worse. I'm sorry, but this guy is actually getting me angry just hearing about him... I can only imagine how you feel right now... Guys like this that are only out to control their girlfriend, frankly I think the guy is kinda nuts.

[sindy]

There was a couple sitting next to me- husband and wife. Well the lady was really social and kept talking to me and soon her husband got involved and we were all talking. Nothing happened I think I may have rubbed his head because he was bald and I think it's cool. He kept touching my hat b/c it was soft. No biggie, right??

I wouldnt feel comfortable with this situation, if that were my bf you were toucing and flirting with IN FRONT of me. But, yes...your bf is a jerk for attending these strip clubs also....

[Brooke657]

If my boyfriend went to strip clubs I can't say I'd really care but then again he doesn't get jealous when I talk to guys. Him going to a strip club and getting mad at you for a guy touching your hat and talking to you in crazy. I mean he must be really insecure about your relationship with him if he's getting mad over something like that. He seems like a control freaks...he was definatly wrong.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I think he was in the wrong there. He can't call you a flirt and tell you to stop hang out with a COUPLE when his off at a strip club. Theres nothing wrong with making friends.

[obscurity]

Reading your post, I couldnt help but chuckle a bit!! Your boyfriend sounds exactly like mine!!! Guys would come up and talk to me, he'd see it and automatically assume its flirting for sure!!! LOL!!

 

No, I dont think it was flirting. When people are flirting there is an intent on your behalf and if it was just being friendly then no. Could it be he doesnt trust you?? I mean that man was married, what did he really think was going to happen!