EQIQ Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I have been with my current gf since last September, and things have been going really well. We have had to deal with some issues but we always talk things out, think about it and come to some understanding. She's awesome in that she is very caring and understanding and always tries her best to make me feel good, even when it takes work to do so (example: The hairstyle I like on her is not her favorite lol). For this past weekend I had planned a nice evening out for the two of us. Since November I had bought tickets to an Opera downtown, at very good seats. I kept the occasion a surprise, but gave her hints here and there, and started getting her hyped about it. Since then we grew closer together as I expected we would, and things were looking all set for our amazing Saturday night. I got myself a new suit/shirt and shoes. Went dress shopping with her, got her a dress that we both liked. Reserved a pre-theater dinner at a highly rated restaurant close to the arts center, and arranged a limo ride to and from for us. I even burned a CD with our favorite romantic songs for the limo ride. And let me tell you, Saturday was a lot of rushing around, due to tight scheduling with her getting her hair done, myself getting ready, but it was all worth it, it was amazing, we had a great time. Besides a few minor glitches here and there, which are to be expected, everything turned out great. It was her first opera and she really enjoyed it. However, since she lives far (1 hour away), we agreed somewhat last minute for her to sleep over my home, and we would spend sometime with my family the Sunday, and I would drop her off later that day. And here is where the problem lies. Sunday morning, I woke up feeling extremely tired. All the driving around, early mornings + late night sleep... just crushed me. I was happy, and content, but wanted sometime for myself to just chill. And it lead me to some selfish behavior. Instead of giving my gf attention I spent a lot of time on the computer by myself, playing a game, instead of being with her. And even though, she knows my family, she has only met them a few times, so they are comfortable, but not close yet. Also there is somewhat of a language barrier (my mother doesn't really speak English). So pretty much I was abandoning her, in a house that is not hers, not cool. We made an appointment for 4pm that day and up until 3:15 I was still on my own stuff.. She came to try and get me off the computer and I told her to go get ready that I was gonna go in a second. Needless to say she was very upset about it. And I realize my mistake, and besides apologizing which I did, I don't know where to go from here. She was almost crying yesterday... I feel like a total fool for letting such an amazing weekend that took all that planning to be perfect be ruined by such selfish and stupid behavior... After we got back home from the 4pm appointment, we had already talked a bit, and I decided that I wouldn't let this happen again. So I destroyed all my games. I still feel however that I owe it to her to make up for this... and I don't know where to go from here. When I dropped her off yesterday, she told me that she wanted to warm up to me again, but that what happened that day just put her in a bit of a shell and closed up... So that's the story of a perfect start to a weekend with a horrible finish. I don't want to lose her over stupid things... and am rather depressed about this... How can I make it up to her? Link to comment
ProjComitment Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Hey - you were an idiot... you apologized. If you explained it to her the same way you explained it here, it sounds as if you gave a better apology that is the 'norm' coming from men. She has every right to still feel a little "stung" by the situation so give her time to process it. An apology doesn't make her hurt feelings go away....but it sure helps. How you make that now-in-the-past event up to her is not on the table. What you do moving forward IS on the table. And I'd bet THAT is what she is worried about. Link to comment
EQIQ Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Yes I was an idiot... I realize that... What do you mean by "What you do moving forward IS on the table"? I understand that you are talking about how I lead our relationship from now on, going forward. But what specifically do you have in mind? Link to comment
OracleofDoom Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Whats wrong with taking space for yourself? After that big date you have to entertain her every moment? She's a burden not to be grateful...she couldn't find something to work on herself in the digital age for a few hours? Link to comment
EQIQ Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 She was grateful... she was VERY grateful, I can attest to that. I think it would have been different if we lived together, and were at our own place. We were at my parent's place, where she wouldn't feel comfortable to begin with, and then pretty much got ditched there for games, because I was being lazy/tired. She was just as tired I was... I don't think she is in the wrong here. Link to comment
ProjComitment Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Yes I was an idiot... I realize that... What do you mean by "What you do moving forward IS on the table"? I understand that you are talking about how I lead our relationship from now on, going forward. But what specifically do you have in mind? We're ALL idiots at times so don't beat yourself up about it. What I meant about what you do moving forward is this - this type of situation WILL happen again. We all have days when we feel burnt out and want alone time. It's human. Thing is, you took that time without discussing it when you had a guest in your home... and yes, from what you've said, she is still at "guest" status in your home, right? So I imagine she is afraid you will do that to her again. Perhaps next time (ie, moving forward) you will just tell her - "Hey, I'm feeling wiped out today. I'd really just like to zone out and play on the computer. Is that cool with you or would you prefer I take you home first?" (or something like that). Let her decide. This past time, she was basically stuck because she couldn't just leave and go do her thing, ya know? As your relationship progress, you'll find you'll both be able to be alone together. My guy and I can be in the same room each doing our own "zone out" thing and be perfectly content, but that comes with time and a certain comfort level together. You'll get there too Your situation is not an unforgivable offense so stop beating yourself up. You apologized... you totally validated her feelings (hopefully just as you did in your initial post here). Now just give her a little assurance that you learned from the situation and want to work with her to learn how to handle it if it ever comes up again. Jennie Anne Link to comment
EQIQ Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Yep she is still guest status. Thanks for the advice, I think I got things pretty figured out from here on. Link to comment
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