Ladies HELP! I dont know now

[sickofbeingsad]

When a woman tells you that she dosent know what she wants, is she saying that she dosent want you? She still calls my phone and blocks her number and tells mutual friends of ours that she dosent understand why she cant get over me but she cant let go of the past. She also called me and sent me a e-card on my BD signed Luv Always. Why? She says that I was selfish, wasnt there for her and crushed her spirit. We were together for 6 years. It seems that she is doing this for someone else or her pride wont let her give in, or could it be fear? She always ends her e-mails with (...) what dos taht mean? is she playing with my head or something?

[justtwicethen]

shes still in love with you.

 

 

"..." always means "sweetheart, where are you?"

[sickofbeingsad]

Really???

 

 

In the beginning I was told taht she just needed to get away. We had a lot of drama because she was so emotional, I couldnt reason with her. Everything I said was being taken as manipulative and controlling. We were together and lived together for 6 years. Its been 10 months since the split and she is still very defensive even after I didnt say anything to her for the past 3 months. She tells others that she still have strong feelings and cant seem to get over me but will hardly communicate with me. I sent her a check for some money that I owed her and she said this:

 

Hey, thank U for the check/money. Hope you're doing well also....

 

D

 

Just 2 weeks ago she confided ina friend of ours and said that she cant get over me and oru friend told her that she needed to forive me. I just dont know what to do. I want to send her flowers or something but dont think its a good idea.

 

HELP

[me4ta]

When we say we don't know what we want [we=women], we usually know what we want but we're not sure.

 

Living with someone for that long is not easy to forget, she had control, you were available to her, and now she wants to move on, but is afraid to let you go, because she's afraid that maybe she won't find something better, so she's still confusing herself, and you in the process.

 

I think she loves you but it's hard to say and only she knows if she's in love with you. Leave her be, I don't know if you guys during the past 10 months were in contact....if not - give her some space, disappear completely...only when she realizes she lost you and this is how it would be without you - she'll make her final decision.

[sickofbeingsad]

Do you think that she really wants o move on. I tried to propose to her after everything blew up. Well... I didnt ask because I didnt want to ruin the moment but she saw the ring and everything. Maybe seh thinks that I ruined her special moment and sees that as being more important than our relationship.

[sickofbeingsad]

me4ta

 

We had been going back and forth for about 6 months but for the past three I haven made any contact with her. She has been calling my phone blocking her number and she even came to my church a few weeks ago out of the blue after not coming there in 6 months but didnt even speak to me so I ignored her. She ran into my sisters BF in a club and opened up to him for about 20 minutes saying that everthing we tried wasnt working and when she tried to give me a inch I wanted to take a mile. The way I saw it she walked out of my life when I alway took for granted that seh would oneday be my wife. She wouldnt even talk to me, so I paniced. Now I am playing it cool and she still wont come talk to me she still keeps doing stupid stuff like coming around me out of the blue and calling me. Is this fear? Does she really want me but dosent know how to come back? Or can she just not let go? She told a mutual fried that she dosent understand why she cant let go.

[chai714]

She sounds confused. She's still in love with you though it seems. What do you want? Obviously, you care about her still. If she's confused, it's a good thing. Figure out what you want from her, if anything. If you do, then you need to come up with a gameplan. 6 years is not easy to shake off for anyone, no matter how good/bad the relationship was.

[sickofbeingsad]

Chai

 

I dont know what to do. She wont give me anything. I paid her some money that I owed her from a long time ago last week because a friend of ours said that she made mention of it and said that it seems like she is trying to find something to keep herself motivated to stay mad at me. I dont know ofmanyguys that would pay a girl 900 dollars after she dumped him. I did owe it to her and am just trying to to the right thing.

[Mjane]

Sick,

What is it you want? I didn't hear you say anything.

I'm all about clarity and can't stand indecision. Don't concern yourself with her. Figure out what you want. If you are really sure you want to get back with her, tell her and if she doesn't come back to you quickly, then let it go. Frankly I think women are more devoted and loyal to relationships than men. Sorry to generalize, but I feel it's true. Most of the women I know only get wishy washy about relationships when they know it's not right, but don't want to admit it to themselves.

It's not healthy for your sanity or your future to stay in limbo for 10 months. If you want to get married, have a family etc. It takes a long time to find the right person and your time in limbo could be better spent flirting with gals who want you.

I know it's hard. I know it hurts. But try and take some advice from this board. Heal yourself and see if there is anything you can do to make yourself a better person.

[me4ta]

Well, I didn't know all these details, basically I think if she called you recently, why not pick up the phone, or if she showed up at your church and didn't say hello, why not being a better bigger person and come up to her and say hello yourself first?

 

If you really want her, if you really want this confusion and game to stop, I think you guys played this game long enough (10 months MAN!) so why not talk to her next time she shows up somewhere, or call her yourself, if she won't pick up, leave her a message and don't beg or anything, just say that you need to talk and finilize your relationship because you hate how it is going right now that she cannot even say hello to you...you'll know what to say. Make her feel like she was acting like a child without actually saying it. If she's not a complete child, she'll agree to see you and then you lay it out, tell her what you want without begging and demand from her to give you a final say in what she wants. If she wants to be friends, so be it, if she's still confused try to help her to figure this out with you.

[Soleil swallows the MOon]

6years ? Thats a long time ! Your relationship has probably reached its peek. Either get married or , breakup no matter how painful it will be. If you guys have stopped growing together, and are going around in circles , it means that you have outgrown eachother and that you guys have thing else to learn from each other. SEems like you might be staying together because you are addicted to each other and are afraid to face the future without one another because youve done everything together so far. YOu're afraid of letting go of all the habits that you've acquired together. But, if there is no growth in the relationship then its time to go your separate ways. This might be the hardest decision you'll have to make and the most painful too.