His best friend wants me...

[bumshkin]

I met this amazing guy through an ex friend of mine about 2 months ago. So, flash back to two months ago, a guy friend, let's call him Dave, calls me up and says let's get together. I hadn't seen Dave in a long time and we became friends in our second year of University. During the school year he showed some romantic interest in me but I told him I was happy just being friends, and I wasn't ready for a relationship because I still needed time to get over my ex. He backed off, and things were cool.

 

Then, the night we got together he tried to come on to me again and I told him again that I didn't see him as more than just a friend. He was disappointed, but he was cool about it. That same evening he introduced me to his best friend, Mike, who he had mentioned he wanted me to meet a long time ago. He knew my situation with my ex and told me that I just needed to find someone else and he knew the perfect match for me.

 

That's where Mike came in. Dave was right that Mike was perfect for me. As soon as we had been introduced, the entire night all we did was talk. We were so completely into each other and at the end of the evening we exchanged phone numbers and planned to meet again the next day.

 

So, Mike and I got together the following day, had an awesome date together, we kissed...and I totally forgot about my ex. Dave was right, Mike was just what I needed. Anyhow, Dave found out that Mike and I had gone on a date together and he got mad at me, and to this day, two months later, he is still mad and always says cruel and mean things to me.

 

Mike and I were really happy together and so into each other, except for one detail. Dave is really jealous that we are together and he is trying to convince Mike that the relationship should end. He wont admit to being jealous, but he keeps saying that I am coming in between their friendship. It makes no sense because there is no way that I have come between them. I hardly get to see Mike because we go to different universities and live in different towns.

 

I don't know what to do. Mike is worried that Dave is going to stop talking to him because he feels like Dave is accusing him of stealing me away from him. The dumb thing is, Dave is the one who introduced us in the first place. Mike says that he cares about me and he's going to try and convince Dave to change his mind but he doesn't know what he's going to do if he fails. So, I told Mike that it's better if we end it because Dave will never approve and he's always going to cause conflicts in our relationship. Mike said he didn't want things to end, but he doesn't know what he can do to save us. Anyhow, after a week of not talking to him I saw him online and told him that I miss him and he said the same. Then he suggested we get together in two weeks when he comes home from his campus for the weekend. I told him I would like that, but now I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I'm so mad at Dave for being such an idiot about this. He's acting as if I am his ex-girlfriend and that Mike did something totally wrong by hooking up with me. I don't know what to do. Mike really wants to be loyal to his friend because they have been friends since high school, but I have only known Mike for 2.5 months. We really, really like each other and want to be together but Dave is making such a big deal about it that it's scarring both of us. If anyone has any advice on what I can do, please help me!

[DoorMouse]

First of all, Dave sounds over possesive, you never "belonged" to him, he's making you sound like an object he owns. If you're happy with Mike, Dave needs to be happy for you. If he can't accept your happiness then it's time for him to cut his losses and move on. You deserve to be happy, first and foremost. Don't allow Dave to try and break up your relationship with Mike. I feel that you and Mike should sit down with Dave, seperatly so he doesn't feel he's being ganged up on, and let him know your feelings, explain to him that you are happy and you want to remain that way, but you also want him to understand that he needs to know his limits.

Mike should be standing up for you, not only as your significant other, but also as Daves friend to put him in check. Let Dave know that Mike is what you want, and even though there might have been a little chemistry there before in the past, it's long gone.

[EatZ]

I think we all know why Dave is like this. It's because he likes you!

 

His feelings DO NOT and SHOULD NOT factor into your relationship with Mike, but you can't discount them all the same. Dave has taken a big hit to his ego since you told him that you weren't looking for a relationship and were happy being friends, only to get involved with Mike shortly after.

 

I'm not saying you have to make excuses for who you do and don't feel attracted to, because you don't! I couldn't agree more with you, I think Dave needs to grow up major bigtime! But if there's anything I've learnt, people like Dave don't see the wood for the trees in these situations. His actions are obviously clouded by his emotions right now, and there's no "voice of reason" behind what he says or do's. (I know do's isn't a word, bare with me)...

 

Like the previous poster said, you need to sit him down and talk with him. And while I think you both should speak to him individually, I think a lot of the responsibility lies on your shoulders. He's a real person with real emotions, and he's obviously being driven by hurt. Be [as] compassionate [as you can]. I think if you can give him some closure and let him down nicely, things will settle down. When you look back on this situation, wouldn't you want to feel like you did everything you could to be at peace with him?

 

... And if not, perhaps you and Mike should remove him from you life. Do you and Mike really want a friend that can't be happy for you?