Don't really want to be me anymore...

[whitefang]

Lately i've been getting depressed from time to time and just not sure what to do with my life. I have no gf and i have lost alot of friends over the past 4 years and i have hardly any where i live, well i call them my friends but their not really. I have friends at college who i care for but im on my last year an were going to be going our separate ways in less than 12 months and again i loose more friends... that's life i guess.

 

I don't get out much, haven't really for a very long time there is a reason behind this but i don't really want to talk about it. I have been seeing a counsler for a few sessions, only because i have no-one to really share my problems. It's hard for me to express myself and explain what's wrong with me. Some days i feel like i have the whole world on my shoulders and i come home from college and i either do some college work or go straight to my room for the rest of the night.

 

I haven't had the best of luck with girls, there are times when i wonder whether im not supposed to have anyone. The girls that i like are usually taken or don't want to date and just rather be friends.

 

Im tired of being me really, i don't know what i want to do when i leave college. I have no career aspirations, i have nothing and none... or that's atleast how i feel when im at home and sometimes at college.

 

It's good getting what i have off my chest, but it's only a matter of time and i'm back to hating my life and myself. It probably sounds funny a moderator asking for help or advice but not everything is so peachy with some people... especially me at the moment .

 

Just don't know what to do... i guess there's nothing, just do what i do with everything else... bottle it up inside.

 

- whitefang

[Scout]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, this moderator has plenty of troubles and concerns, too! And eventually, I'll post about a few of 'em.

 

Regarding your situation, you honestly sound like you are generally depressed. Depression tends to make every area in our life seem rather unsatisfying. It also clouds our perceptions a bit and makes things seem hopeless, like they can never get better.

 

So, I think you need to make your counseling your top priority, because this is an essential component to the treatment of depression. I am so happy to hear you are actually doing this, do you know what a big step this alone is? I wish more people would do it instead of waiting for things to get even worse.

 

I don't have much advice to add to that without knowing the specifics of your life, but regarding the friends thing, it sounds like it's time to do a little "personal marketing." Meaning, you have to consistently get out in society, my friend. Even if you don't have much enthusiasm for it at the moment, it's essential you build and maintain a strong social support network. Everyone needs friends, and it's pretty obvious you would be a darn good friend for anyone to have. But like everything that is meaningful and valuable, it's not going to show up at your door. You must seek out friendships, and maintain them.

 

love, Scout (your friend)

[sole]

You sound like me. When i graduated college I had one good friend. And now we aren't friends anymore. When i graduated college i also didn't know what to do with my life so I went to graduate school instead. If you don't mind the school life and feel like you're not ready to jump into a career and a new place alone then try grad school. I decided to go to a huge school (about 30,000 people) and I figure I'm sure someone else here needs a friend and a date and if they don't then school keeps me busy so my lack of social plans won't get me down. And now I have a few more years before I have to think about a career. The first 2 weeks of school I REALLY hated my life but I've since had people hit on me. So I was right about someone out of 30,000 needing a date. So, grad school may be an idea.

Just a thought. . .

 

 

don't worry about being a moderator, we're all human and we all have problems.

[claudia]

Hey whitefang

 

I could totally relate to what you are going through and i understand there will be tough times ahead of us all and there are times to feel like how you feel but thats the cycle of life we go through . At this stage what you are going through is just a test for your strenght .

 

If this would make you feel better i don't have a girlfriend too lol ( neither a boyfriend) lost him last year and when through my motions of being depressed but there are bright lights ahead i can tell you that.

 

Once a guy told me about friends in your life he said when you're a kid you have lots of friends but as you grow your friends become less and less and when u get to being an adult you will only be surrounded by your true friends might be two , three or even one but they are the ones that count . well i hope i remember that story correctly or i'll be like marlon the clownfish ( finding nemo) . haha me and my lame jokes lol sorry

 

College life is hard right now and everyone has that problem about what they will become after so right you should just focus on finishing .

 

well anytime you need to vent drop me aline and i hope i help a bit

[crizlee]

hi, personally start over in everything, become who you really want to be, you. for the most of my high school life i was an anti-social loser. then the summer before my senior year i swore to make my last year of high school the best so i can atleast have good memories.

 

actually it took 2 summers for my big "make over".

 

the summer before my junior year, i got out and worked out like heck. i did 5 mile runs on my hilly road, massive wieght work outs and 1 meal a day. i lost 60 lbs and became really sexy. everyone noticed i lost weight in my junior year. but i was still anti-social and felt no one liked me.

 

i started letting out my true personality and getting out socially in the 2nd summer. my parents are jehovahs witness and i must abide by their rules while i live in their house so no associating with people outside their religon. so i found some cool people in the religon and went out and hung out with them. i got new clothes from hollister and changed my hair, over came my shyness, and became more brave towards the girls.

 

this senior year is the best. i got my truck now, i can do whatever. i went to my first party this senior year, i got drunk for the first time, got my first kiss this senior year, went on a date with 4 chicks at the same time this senior year (i guess you could call it a date lol). cant wait for college!!!

[Stinkweed]

It probably sounds funny a moderator asking for help or advice but not everything is so peachy with some people... especially me at the moment

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with that... after all, moderators are human beings. Anyway, I have been feeling exactly the same... I despise myself more than anything else in this world, and really have no idea of what I want to do in the future... plus, there's really no one, not a girl friend, or friend who will always be by my side and is going through the same things and reminds me that I'm not alone, so it kinda makes me afraid of the future... I've never had a girlfriend, but there are reasons to that, of course (most of them are because I'm stupid or shy, yadda yadda, more stuff that makes me angrier at myself).

 

Well, I've been trying to get new hobbies and make new friends (hard for me to do...), and it kind makes me feel better sometimes. But still, I always know that the sadness and the self-hatred will come back soon enough... I really don't know what's up with me, but at least attempting to do what others suggest (getting new hobbies, etc) does make me feel better, so I'd suggest you do that (I haven't tried my hardest, but just the fact that I'm trying has made me feel better sometimes...). But I still feel the same apathy towards many things... I don't get out too much either, and sometimes I even feel the need to, but there's really almost no place to go, lol. So, I end up pondering what I wanted to do and wandering aimlessly.

 

Well, just do what everybody says so much you've got to do, like getting hobbies, working out, etc, because it does help. Best wishes,

 

Elephant man

[whitefang]

Thanks for the response everyone. I agree getting help is a big step, but talking it over is nice as you get to get everything off your chest that's bothering you but it doesn't go away does it.

 

Im only 20 but im expecting so much of myself, i guess i am hard on myself too. I often get bouts of depression, sometimes i feel better by having them... suppose that doesn't sound right.

 

There are reasons why i don't socialize but i'd rather not discuss because they are really personal. I love it when im in college and im with my friends there but once the weekend and the holidays come i get really depressed because i have no i can hang out with or someone special i could be with, and i feel lonely.

 

I haven't had a gf in such along time i don't think i'd even be an good enought bf for any girl. With me not having many friends at all really, i often wish i was someone else.

 

There are probably people far worse off than me, and here i am complaining.

 

I just wish for once that things would start working in my favour, but i suppose that would be asking too much.

 

Thanks to everyone who replied to my post, much appreciated

 

- whitefang

[revdeluka]

hey whitefang, your problem happens even to the best of us. that is life. i was reading an article that spoke of a situation similar to yours, i say similar cos i dont think you are depressed, i think your feeling life. just hang out with the few 'not so true buddies' you have, that takes away a lot of time that you use thinking about your pains. and the counseling thing too is a good idea. i know youll be aight, you sound like a winner.

[whitefang]

I'd rather not hang out with my 'not so true buddies' because they smoke and also do drugs, and im not that sort of person and i don't want to get into anything. I have 1 friend in my town and even when im out just for a few beers i have to watch my drink in-case he slips something in it.

 

I find it hard to make friends, i'd rather stick to what i know sorta... i guess. If you must know the reason that im not able to socialize at all, is because 4 years ago my brother was knocked down by a car and he spent 3 days on life-support, drifting in and out of a coma. During that time i was sitting my GCSE's in High School and my parents weren't with me. I felt alone for the past 4 years i have been blaming myself, that if i had of got my brother too do something with me. Just before the accident i was playing a game with my cousin and if i had of asked my brother to play a board game (i was 16, at the time) or something it would never of happened. I know i shouldn't but there we go... that's me.

 

I felt guilty when my brother was out of hospital, so i didn't go out at all. I've only been out a few times over the 4 years and once when it was a friends 18th b'day which was this year. Other than that i don't go out at all .

 

My parents don't know anything, im seeing a counsler without my parents knowing because again it's me i'd rather no-one else know my problems or when im suffering i'd rather do it in slience etc.

 

I mean there are some other problems but most of them stem from that big accident 4 years ago.

 

- whitefang

[cricket]

hello whitefang, I think i might have found someone that i can relate to sorta, coz most of the time i hate being me i have my reasons but to name a few im a woman 30 yrs old and only weighs bout 75 lbs and im 4'11.. i was born premature at 3 lbs n 4 oz.. I am not the type to confide in anyone i usually keep my emotions to myself, reason is i feel noone takes me serious, i stay depressed most of the time. sometimes i go off on the deep end when i get to emotional that sometimes lil things set me off.. but other times i tried to say hey nothing is wrong with me your normal.. I sometimes cant except me and i try to talk to someone bout it i start to cry.. yes i have talked to my sis n law bout it but i dont like to trouble people with my troubles.. and i feel like its keeping me from having a bf which the last few i had were jackasses i can say, so you can say im a loner i dont go out much i just hang with my family most of the time.. I hope this aint bringing you down i just want ya to know you aint alone.. but in the end we have to keep our heads high try to stay positive.

 

Cricket