solidbunker Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Only based on my own experience. Since I started my professional dating-career (its a profession! ),I have met women from different countries,cultures,religions,and they all shared something in common,that human condition called attraction. But what is attraction ? There is a scientific explanation for it,and truth be told,I got no clue or interest in it. My own short definition ? You want to bang bang the other person. Thats my body's initial response.Shallow but true (making this part easy on the hypocrites). When we feel attracted to a certain person is because unconsciously this person got or met some of our sexual needs or desires, be that their body, eyes, hair,..you name it. Anything but personality. Its exciting and creates a kind of mysterious aura above that person.And we want to know more,and more about him/her.They got our attention. If we are corresponded with same feelings,there is this addictive rush all over our bodies that we want to experience 24/7. Encounters are electrifying, sex is spectacular and this person's life is intriguing. After some time,this adrenaline rush starts fading,getting too common and the need for internal challenges start raising up once again. Now we are entering the mind-mine-zone as I call it. Others call it the sh1t-tests. The refined ones call it IL (Interest Levels). Take your pick. Here is where your personality will play a key role,the most crucial one. Since our sexual needs have been satisfied and we now can count on that physical bond,we need to stimulate our most important organ in any given relationship : our brains! This is where the story gets interesting because this dynamic is present in all human interactions : the rise of the leader. "Huh ? I thought we were talking about relationships ? Whats got to do a leader here ? We are equal, no one above the other. We love each other!". Right! Call me when you back from Disney. Like any other hunting animals, we prospect our partners, check characters compatibilities, determine their general behaviors and future potential . After this "assessment", our interest level will go up or down, and according to our own needs we will keep that person or get rid of them. The dominant person will need a more complacent partner. The submissive person will need a more dominant partner (mind you the submissive person is the most tricky one make you think all they need is love and attention..is a hunter in disguise). This dynamic is not negotiable as it is in their own internal needs. Ever felt like being tested ? When a person loses the attraction of his/her partner is due to a lack or erosion of characteristics (you become to clingy, nagging, weak in their eyes, pleaser, always available..). Chemistry is starting to be unbalanced and the odds are against you. "But he loves me, we had such a great 8 years.." You still in Disney ? Love got nothing to do with attraction,and if anything,kills it! Why ? Because you take things for granted and you stop being a challenge to your partner and to yourself. You dont find that need to keep looking sexy, flirting with partner, having a personal life, to grow your own ambitions, to keep your friendships. But can we reverse the lost of attraction and change the dynamics ? Short answer : yes. Long one : it depends. You dont need to activate any kind of games here to re-attract the other person, you just need to upgrade your hunting skills. The best part is that you wont have to work a thing for it You need to become passive. Thats all! Passiveness with a huge doses of flirting behavior. And the passiveness needs to have an aim, you need to be aware of the sudden or gradual change in your partners interest level. You need to take control of the dynamics and speed of the interaction : be more independent, rely more on external factors (like your confidence!), be assertive in your decisions and start becoming the challenge once you were. If you attempt to do so in a rude and sudden move, you are heading to sure failure. We need to change their set of mind in a subtle way. How ? Change first external items like your clothing style,they will pick up on this. Be more aware of your surroundings, they will also pick up on this as you are checking out other potentials (this is not emotional cheating). Upgrade your vocabulary and body language (flirty language mixed with facial and hand gestures..be alive!). Time your timing (get a life and be busy with other stuff, you cant text all day,you are important and got important things to do!). Run a check on your values and confront partner when needed (in a civilized manner). Do this the last one, they will go through the list of your new changes and will feel the threat : you remembered your worth. Now your partner is starting to see you under a different light, a person worth to keep and be around. Tension and intensity is rebuilt once more, and they doing the chasing. Link to comment
LOSTINTHEDARK Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 I think you got it all right. Attraction is something physical and I believe everything will follow. Link to comment
dasilver Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Great post Solidbunker!!!! I love it!!!! Link to comment
LOSTINTHEDARK Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 The guy I was talking to my thread, I was attracted to him but I dont know why I never thought of him physically attractive. Weird as it is I never thought of him romantically and yet I think of him everyday. Hearing from him, what is going on with his life made my day brighter take note, he is not even good looking. so how can you explain this form of attraction? Link to comment
solidbunker Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Hi Lostinthedark. Your system bypassed the physical attraction and went straight to the personality traits. Be careful, cause usually these are among the most intense kind of attractions. He will look good to you sooner or later,just wait and see. Happened to me with my last ex..and she couldnt even cook a decent meal The guy I was talking to my thread, I was attracted to him but I dont know why I never thought of him physically attractive. Weird as it is I never thought of him romantically and yet I think of him everyday. Hearing from him, what is going on with his life made my day brighter take note, he is not even good looking. so how can you explain this form of attraction? Link to comment
solidbunker Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 It makes my day every time I see the beautiful smile of yours. Keep it up! Great post Solidbunker!!!! I love it!!!! Link to comment
dasilver Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 It makes my day every time I see the beautiful smile of yours. Keep it up! *Blushing*.....Thank you!!! Link to comment
markie6 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Yeah Solid.... i think personailty kicks in way earlier than you seem to indicate. It's a decent way of looking at it all. My gf's over the years have always made my friends comment..how did that happen ? I always put it down to my personality , not short of confidence by any means , the longer they get to know me the more they like me, at least that is what they have said before and after .. plus ^^ dasilver looks like kelly rowland a bit Link to comment
dasilver Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Yeah Solid.... i think personailty kicks in way earlier than you seem to indicate. It's a decent way of looking at it all. My gf's over the years have always made my friends comment..how did that happen ? I always put it down to my personality , not short of confidence by any means , the longer they get to know me the more they like me, at least that is what they have said before and after .. plus ^^ dasilver looks like kelly rowland a bit hahahahaha......Markie6....You are too funny. Kelly Rowland is gorgeous.Wonderful compliment. Thank you! Link to comment
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