Is there a way now ?

[Moeb]

Hi all,

 

You can read my other thread i started a long 10 months ago about my breakup with my ex. ( 3 1/2 year realtionship) It hit us both hard , basically in a nutshell she left me for someone else then realised what a horrendous mistake it was (after 1 week-she never even kissed the other guy). Well fast forward probably 5 months from this and we got back in touch and started to get on very well as friends. I went away for a month and we texted a lot inbetween this. From here we have been seeing each other nearly every other day for the past couple of months and geting on great.

 

This is where it has all gone horribly wrong. I went out last Friday and got extremely drunk (to the point the night is a blur) however i did drunkenly snog one of my Exs work colleagues. Someone my Ex absolutley hates with a passion. I was besides myself the next day as i had arranged to meet my ex for tea, i just couldnt tell her but knew she would find out so the day after i told her and she was heartbroken. EVen though we arent offically going out i did this with someone she hates. ( i will add that i also snogged this woman about a month after i split up with my ex which she doesnt know but we were not in contact - there are no feelings there for me-both times i was drunk(no excuse i know but i was single)

 

We had a couple of hourts talk 2 nights ago and both admitted we still love each other, and that our lives are better with each other in it. However I cant see a way she will forget let alone forgive this. SHe says ive done nothing wrong but still says it hurts a lot, we decided after my suggestion maybe not to see each other for a couple of weeks to realise our true feelings but all i want to do is ring her and tell her i love her. We are best friends and think we could have

a great life together.

 

She has told me she doesnt want to come back to work now because of this other woman andthe gossip, i tried to tell her that from everyones point of view we have been split up for 10 months but she is worried and upset. Im not sure the 2 week "time out" is a good thing and we should maybe be talking through things!

 

Any advice would be aprreciated. I realise i failed to take her feelings into consideration by doing this and i feel like such a scumbag. I realise i may lose her forever also.

 

Thanks for any input.

[charity]

i'm not sure that you really love her sorry to say. if you were intent on getting back with her and really love her and wanted her, i don't get why you would kiss her work colleague. i know you were drunk, but in all my times of being drunk and there have been a few bad ones, i have always being aware of what i was doing to a certain extent.

i wonder in some way are you trying to get revenge. do want her to feel hurt because she hurt you so much back then? this may be unconscious?

on your girlfriends part, because she left you for someone else, she can probably look past this as she knows mistakes can be made.

[Moeb]

Thanks for the reply charity, actually she asked me was this revenge and was i waiting for the perfect moment to hurt her.

 

All i can say is honestly no.. I would never deliberately hurt her, no matter what has happened in the past. I know i have hurt her with this, i also know it could be my unconscious self but I’ve never had a bad feeling towards her..... Before this weekend we were getting on great. I cant believe ive done this, and not slept properly since. If i didnt love her I shouldnt care right? as were werent offically back togther. (this isnt me looking for an excuse)

 

Somethings in my life i've come to realise are a bad influence and i may actually have a problem with alcohol( i drink every weekend and a lot of nights too), i know it is no excuse for this behaviour but it is something i need to sort out myself.

 

Im still unsure about this 2 week beak from seeing each other, does it sound like a good thing, or should we be talking through things and our feelings?

[charity]

i think there is no harm in taking a break. getting back together is serious stuff. if it has any hope of lasting you guys have to be able to have some space, think and still KNOW that you want to try again. you are panicking (normal) that if you leave her alone , she will change her mind. but that is her right, and for the relationship to be good and healthy then you have to know that she chooses to be with you even after she has had time to digest the whole situation.