'Getting yourself back' support thread

[xstar]

Hey guys, since I'm obviously troubled by my recent break up and do find that I feel better after engaging with others in similar situations - such as the people posting here - I've never been one to be able to relate to false hope or constant pining after an ex (although I do understand that this is great for others). So inspired by the 'getting back together' support thread, I wanted to start another one for people who are really interested in moving on are doing to get themselves back and move on with their lives.

 

For me - the first step has been to make a decision to stop rehashing my story over and over again. My ex is gone and I'm upset and will be upset for a while. I've stopped trying to get advice to understand his actions (even though I really want to continue) since I will never understand and honestly, the outcome won't change at all. I'll just be wasting my time focusing on him, rather than me (which is exactly what the ex is doing).

[Fraggle]

Xstar

Stopping yourself from rehashing things in your head is very very hard. You do this to distraction to try and answer an equation you can't find the answer to.

 

Everyone works in mysterious ways and no matter how much you try and understand it you probably can't because we all look at things very differently.

 

I'm glad you have made progress and hope you start to heal. It is a long and painful process and wish you well in your future.

[xstar]

^ sorry, I don't understand your post. I'm not trying to understand anything or get people to look at anything the same way. I'm just hoping that there is at least a few people out there that would like to get over the BU by focusing on themselves and their life, instead of their ex for the majority of time. But maybe not.

[OldSoul86]

xstar, you are absolutely right to stop deciphering what your ex is doing and why you two broke up. Spend a lot of time working on yourself. Get active and get those feel good hormones pumping again! There is a big world out there and there are many other outlets to put your precious time into. Time spent deciphering an ex's actions is time wasted (funny that I say this because I spend too much time trying to figure out why my ex left me - maybe I should take my own advice.) You are the most important thing in your life. You should want to become the best version of yourself because it will benefit the next lucky guy you meet and give your heart to!

[xstar]

^ old soul, if that's your pic,, you're really cute. You look like bradley cooper from his alias days.. before he became all famous and macho.

[EmmaB78]

I think the "no rehashing" is a good idea - while I am still rehashing here, I have stopped talking about my ex much in real life. My best friend told me, "The more you tell this story, the more you're giving him power over you," and I think that's true.

 

Another thing that I've been doing is forcing myself to meet new people via link removed. Every time I'm scheduled to go out, I don't want to go, and every time, I force myself anyway, and it always winds up being great. I'm meeting a lot of awesome people, and they remind me that there are SO many good people in the world - I don't have to settle for the bad ones.

[OldSoul86]

^ old soul, if that's your pic,, you're really cute. You look like bradley cooper from his alias days.. before he became all famous and macho.

 

Aw, thank you xstar. I truly appreciate the compliment.

[xstar]

I think the "no rehashing" is a good idea - while I am still rehashing here, I have stopped talking about my ex much in real life. My best friend told me, "The more you tell this story, the more you're giving him power over you," and I think that's true.

 

Another thing that I've been doing is forcing myself to meet new people via link removed. Every time I'm scheduled to go out, I don't want to go, and every time, I force myself anyway, and it always winds up being great. I'm meeting a lot of awesome people, and they remind me that there are SO many good people in the world - I don't have to settle for the bad ones.

 

You're totally giving them power. My personal theory on rehashing is that it takes 21 days to establish a new habit - so if you spend 21 days constantly ruminating about the ex, eventually it becomes part of your thought process. Of course, I'll remember my ex for the rest of my life and think about his a lot, but I don't want to become obsessed with him not being able to go a day without thinking about him past the first week or two. And indeed, it's getting easier.