Help not happy!

[gloryoflove]

Top of the morning to all!

I'm definitly not happy in my relationship it's over but i'm still living with this guy i'm working on finding my own place, anyway there is a four year old involved so it doesn't make matters easy for me. Although i do not love his father and there are no deep feelings for him anymore. We have grown apart and i must confess i'm in love with another man he is a friend of ours but not close friends i guess you could say we are aquaintances. I know we both feel this incredible attraction and i also know that the grass is not always greener on the other side. I've not seen this man for aleast a year and when i returned to see him, as aquaintances i realized my feelings are alot deeper for him and i'm trying really hard to hide this from my live in friend that still loves me. He has asked me to marry him three times now it's becoming everyday almost. I feel so much pressure because i don't ever intend to marry him at all, and i've told him this time and time again. But he doesn't seem to get it through his thick skull. I know he loves me and this is why he refuses to see that it will never be because he wishes it to be. This is really driving me crazy, i feel part of me has died inside my soul has been ripped out of me. All i want more than anything is to be with this man that i love so deeply within my heart , soul and mind. I have told him how i felt in so many ways never verbally because i feel it's wrong when i'm still living with someone. Please help me to understand what is going on here and how i should go about this. I realize i will only live once so why settle for someone that i'm not in love with to only make matters worse. I'd appreciate any responces thanks for caring! gloryoflove

[Gia2Cute4U]

If you love this man, than why can't you marry him? Who says it's a sin to follow your heart?

 

I understand the situation with you and the father of your son, it must be very hard.

 

My advice to you is to do what's in your heart. Being a mother you often put others before yourself. For once, consider yourself first, and do what you want.

 

 

I wish you the best of luck in love and life.

[SwingFox]

Hi Glory of Love,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to our site with your questions. I am sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. I understand that you are trying to break up with the man that you are currenly live with, but that he still has deep feelings for you.

 

My rule in life is: "Honesty is the best policy". I am sure that you know why you don't love your current b/f anymore and what happened over the period of time. In time you will have to tell your current bf anyways how you really feel. In order to help him AND you, it would be a good idea to give him closure. At first he might not believe that it is over, but in order for him to get over loving you he needs closure and he need to understand why you actually don't have feelings for him anymore.

 

The better he understand the more and sooner he will be in peace with this situation. I hope that this helps you and I wish you good luck in your future.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[gloryoflove]

Hi Swingfox and Regina i thankyou both for replying my situation.

I've told my b/f that i don't love him and he knows this well, but for some reason he thinks he can make me love him and Regina i think you misunderstood me when i was trying to say it's my b/f that has asked me to marry him not the other man that i deeply love.

So you see if only it was the other man it wouldn't be so hard to answer of course i would say yes i love him dearly and deeply but my b/f and i have nothing in common only our child and that's it.

It could never work out with us i've tryed and he now continues to try to keep me from leaving he was so worried i would leave that he trys to force me to kiss him and holds my wrists tight and trys to make love with me. This is why i know i must leave this is not a man i want to spend my life with. Nor do i want him as a role model for my son. This other man that i love flirts with me but i'm unaware of his feelings i'm not sure if they are mutual or not.

Do you suggest i tell him everything? I don't want to hurt him as he does have a good heart. It's just there is nothing left for him in mine. I told him i had dreams of this man that i love and i told him who it was so he does know how i feel about this man and yes he is very jealous but i will not live a lie nor will i use anyone for that matter. I always believe honesty is the best policy! Please help what should i do in this situation? waiting for your reply gloryoflove29

 

[gloryoflove]

Hi Swingfox please reply my post i love your straight forward honest advise. Thanks so much i will be waiting to hear your reply. gloryoflove

[SwingFox]

Hi Glory of Love,

 

Thank you for coming back to us and thank you for your latest update on what is going on in your life. I am sorry to hear that your b/f is still making life hard for you. In your words I read that you do understand his feelings and why he feels like that. I also compliment you on being so honest over everything towards your current b/f.

 

As for my advice: I would be careful in telling your 'new' guy everything. At least try to dose everything a little bit over a couple days/weeks. Your feelings for him and expressing that towards him might overwhelm him and/or surprise him. my suggestion is that you just let him know that you are very interested in him, by just being there for him. Do the little things as you have done with your current b/f when you started off with him.

 

One more comment I would like to add: shifting from one b/f to another could work out well, but there is a major risk I want to warn you for. Be careful that you are not going to start to compare your current b/f with your new man in life. That for sure will get you in deep trouble.

 

I hope this was of help for you and I wish you good luck and lots of happiness in your future.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[gloryoflove]

Hi swingfox thankyou again for your reply! i just wanted to say that i understand your point about jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire and even if it's a really nice fire at that it's still not my style. I love to take things slow and progress from there i will take your advice and just be friends it's all i can do now and actuall all i want to do right now. Until we know eachother alot more. Thanks again for all your sound advice. All my love always gloryoflove

[kinatra]

Glory, I think the first step is for you to move out of your living situation with you BF. That has to be priority #1 because that in itself is sending conflicting messages. Be interested to hear your reply? It just seems to me that you need to get out of the house, be able to support yourself, be comfortable with yourself away from the old BF - in essense on your own, and then after a little while be open to new love. Otherwise I see trouble for you and pain...you just need to get out and stand on your own two feet without a man for now...