Emailed my ex - NO RESPONSE, but feel better now

[whattheheck]

I 've had about a month of NC, and I found something of my ex gf that was still in my house (a sentimental thing to her - not about us). So I emailed her and told her that if she wants her thing (I don't want to say what it is in case she is on this forum) just let me know. NO RESPONSE.

 

But if she can't even be grown up enough to email back and respond, then the heck with her. This kind of makes me able to move on better because I really see her true colors now. She sure had me fooled. I almost feel sorry for her. I wish people would just grow up for once and treat others like they would want to be treated. Whatever happened to common courtesy and regard to other's feelings?

[Scout]

If you just emailed her, I'd be a little more patient. Give her a few days or even a week. She may not be in a comfortable place yet to resume contact with you.

[Scout]

Which reminds me...the first time my ex and I broke up, he waited a little over a week, then emailed me. The email simply said, I have your stuff, do you want me to drop it off or ship it.

 

To be honest, I was kind of offended. It was rather cold sounding. And I was asking myself, what ever happened to considering other people's feelings?

 

Maybe your ex took it this way, too.

[whattheheck]

Scout - that's true. it may have kind of shocked her that I sent her this email. She probably was not expecting to hear from me. Also, she dumped me, and maybe wants to be careful not to give me false hope if/when she does respond. which I guess I can understand from her side.

 

As regard to your second post, we already took care of getting her stuff back about a month ago, and that went very smooth. In fact she thanked me for putting her stuff together in a nice, neat way, etc.

 

I just found her new item yesterday, and emailed her to she if she wants it or not.

 

also, I can understand why you were offended when your ex called you about your stuff.

 

thanks.

[Scout]

You're welcome. I know this is a difficult time for you, and sometimes our emotions can kind of cloud our perception. Try not to make too many assumptions, and get outside and do something to get your mind off of this for a while.

[whattheheck]

I understand what Scout is saying, but it's been about 2 months since the breakup, and we've had very minimal contact. I just don't understand why she can't just email me back and say " yes, i would like my thing back"..... I know she is not coming back to me, and my email was very simple "Hope you are doing well," "I have your thing here"... I mentioned nothing about us or anything.

 

I just don't get it!!! what the heck is wrong with people?

[Scout]

When did you send the email?

[whattheheck]

Scout - i sent it yesterday (Tuesday) morning, and I know she read it because I can check to see if my sent mail was opened or not. anyway, deep down I know you are right about giving her more time. But I still wonder - "what's the big deal? It only takes a minute to respond. " In fact if she hates me that much, then why can't she respond and say "Yes/no, I want my item back. And by the way, leave me alone"

 

And again, Scout, I know you are right that I shouldn't even try to analyze this, but I would at least respond. But I know we can't control others, and we shouldn't try to. i can't always expect others to do what I think is right.

[Scout]

Ok, you sound like basically you have a grip on things, but there is also some other stuff coming to the surface. Obviously you want to hear from her. And it hurts that she's not immediately seizing the opportunity to get back in touch with you. I understand.

 

At any rate, just give it more time, she will respond back. In the unlikely event that she doesn't, try not to think she's just being careless and unfeeling. The more likely reason is just that she's uncomfortable with the idea. Which still won't make you feel all that great, but try not to take it too personally. Like you said, we really don't know what goes on in other's minds, and we just have to accept that we can't control what they think or do.

[whattheheck]

Scout - thanks again. I really appreciate that you are really honest and tell it like it is. Also, thanks for all your work on this forum. I appreciate it.

[Scout]

Awwww....you're very welcome! And many thanks to you. It really added to my day to hear such nice things!

[whattheheck]

Well she responded this past Friday, but I just read the email today. she basically said thanks, and said she would like her item back, and to let her know when she can get it. She also said to enjoy the weekend. She was very courteous, etc. No big deal, though.

 

My question is: Should I just leave it on my front porch, or should I just be there and give it to her. I do still have feelings for her, but if I do see her, I will NOT mention us at all. I kind of want to see her in person just to show her I am confident, and doing well.

 

When I respond back to her email, should I give her the option and ask her if she wants me to not be there and leave it on the porch, or if she is OK with me being there? I tend to think that I should just tell her to come over whenever she wants, and to just let me know when she wants to come over.

 

Anyone have any suggestions?

[Scout]

I think you should tell her when you have some available times she can come get it, and if those times don't work for her, tell her you can hide it in a safe place outside. So, give her the option of either.