I want her but she's engaged!

[dannyz4]

When I was at school I was best friends with this girl, like when I was 16. We fooled around a lot but never had sex. We confided in each other about everything, and really loved each other.

 

I desperately wanted a relationship with her but she didn't, and I never knew why.

 

She went to live overseas for a few years and having recently come home we caught up the other day and had a really great night (this is 10 years on).

 

She looked fantastic and I was so attracted to her. She told me that if she wasn't engaged she would like to date me and see what it would be like to be together, which just absolutely made me weak at the knees.

 

Her fiance is still overseas and she is home for a couple more months. I don't want to cause problems but I would do anything for the chance for us to fall in love. She has been engaged before and had a lot of rough relationships. Back when we were teenagers we used to say we would get married.

 

Should I pursue this or just be a great friend and let her make any moves? I would hate to pass up this opportunity if there was a chance.

[Turboz]

Hmm this is a really tricky one.

 

I've been in a similar situation before - The lady I was attracted to had a boyfriend and was also still married to another man - The whole thing became very confusing and I never really knew where I stood for months. It really messed with my head and even now I still don't really understand what was happening.

 

In your situation I can only say tread very carefully. You aare walking on eggshells which could crack underneath you at any time. Ok so you like this woman but she's engaged. She's also told you that if she wasn't engaged she'd like to date you. That could be seen as a "Come-on" to which you are meant to pursue her. Be careful though because a lot of women simply like to have men chase after them even though they have no intention of letting those men get close to them.

 

I can only really gie you one truthful piece of advice which will ever relly work for you: Follow your heart. The only problem is that whilst your heart knows what it wants Fate can sometimes be a twisted thing which likes to throw all sorts of obstacles in the way.

 

If you really like this woman that much then perhaps you should think about pursuing her. On the other hand be prepared for what could be one of the most painful rejections you've had yet. Your situation is not an easy one.

 

How much does this woman really love her man anyway? - If she truly loves him she shouldn't be telling other men that she'd date them if she wasn't engaged - Thats kind of cruel.

 

As I said above be careful that she's not playing games before you do anything else. One other thing: If she's engaged to this man why is sh back in your area for so long before she goes back?

 

-Turboz

[mikeyc77]

Yes, be very careful with this one. Turboz is right, women do like to have men chase them and if she wasn't completely happy with this other guy, she should break up the engagement.

Maybe you should say to her that you are curious where it could go between the two of you and you do have feelings for her but unfortunately she has commitments elsewhere, however if anything should happen in her current relationship, she knows where you are to pick up where you left it all those years ago.

I know it's been said that if you love someone you should fight for them but just think of the poor guy she is engaged to. He may also be posting on this site asking for advice because his fiance keeps seeing an old acquaintance and he's worried about losing her.

[dannyz4]

haha yes you're right. I am definitely aware of what effect it would have on him, but again, if she wasn't 100% commited in the first place it is best that he suffers now rather than later.

 

They came here together but he had to go home because he had trouble getting work, and she wants to see her family for a while.

 

I think I will just see what happens. Maybe I will tell her how I feel a bit later on it. Thanks peoples.

[Outlaw Biker]

For what it's worth, I'd say don't wait.

 

From what you have written, it sounds like she likes your attention, and possibly nothing more. But that's only going on what you've written, so don't be put off by what I say.

 

Tell her now. If it doesn't happen, take some time to mull it over (ie that kinda mourning time), then pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on.

 

If you delay, the chance will pass and you'll be left thinking, "what if..."

[RobzGr8]

What is wrong with you??!?! You stay away from this woman until she is single. I don't care what she is telling you about not being happy, until she leaves this guy she's ENGAGED to, you stay out of it. Men do not steal women away from other men...that's the most slime ball thing a guy can do to another guy. I don't care WHAT she is telling you...she's still with him for a reason...and until she is completely broken up with him, you need to stay away.

 

Would you be chasing her if she was married?

[dannyz4]

Yeah ok, fair point.