OMG my ex is such a jerk so why do I miss him?

[sandrawg]

I know everyone posts this, but truly..I'm having a rough time still. I want to be over him so badly. I'm still bawling my eyes out from time to time, and missing him every morning I wake up. It's ridiculous. He decided he was "too selfish for a relationship", and obviously I wasn't important enough or the relationship wasn't, to try to NOT be selfish. I just don't even get why I miss him. We used to talk every day for hours..over IM, and on the phone...doesn't he even miss me? Why do I WANT him to miss me?

[mhowe]

You want to miss him because it means you still have a connection to him. If you let go of the past connection and the missing, you are alone again.

 

Except that you are already alone. So just give up the hurt. Alone is okay.

[SuperDuper]

We don't know much of the backstory but I have to agree with mhowe.. that feeling you're getting of WANTING him to miss you is just so you aren't the only one who feels something (ie feel alone).

 

But like mhowe said, you are already alone, which is fine... it will make you a stronger person ultimately. Him being so distant with you should just reinforce your decision to move forward. Honestly, why should you care about something/someone if they don't care? It's pointless and counter-productive to what you should be doing, which is moving on, hanging out with friends, exercising, eating right... being happy.

 

Go back to the person you were before you met this guy, you'll survive!

[msphlyer]

You miss what you had...you feel rejected and not worth it to him. You care more than he does and that is a sucky feeling. I know because that's how I am feeling. My ex and i wanted to work through things but he discovered he wasn't able to as much as I was. We are now on good terms and I was so positive that it was just a circumstance issue, but every day I don't hear from him, I realize he's just not that into me. and it really hurts.. Maybe he does want to end up with me still, maybe he does just need some time...BUT wouldn't he still want to call here and there to keep me in his life? I think it's just as hard getting over something they didn't do versus something they did...

 

The biggest thing that helped me was surrounding myself with people...every day of the week I called people I hadn't talked to in awhile, reconnected with some family, old friends...made a point to feel distracted and surrounded. It worked for a whole week and helped get me mentally further away from him. I've been reading your threads and they've helped me a lot, so know you're not alone.

 

Also, it actually sucks that my ex was a good guy because I have little to be mad it and actually respect his decision, so i ONLY miss him which makes things hard, but in the past I've written down all the bad things about the ex, and tried to get angry. Remind yourself that he is the one missing out and he is losing all you would have had to offer.

[lavenderdove]

the hardest part of breakups when you've been been the one who is cut loose (dumped, but i don't like that word) is to recognize and accept that he is no longer your guy or 'special person' anymore... He was ready for it and wanted it (or wouldn't have cut you loose), but you are unwillingly thrust out of a relationship you wanted.

 

So the trick is to really align your emotions with the reality of the situation... that he is NOT your special person that you can rely on anymore or turn to to meet any of your social needs or to get a sense of connection with... you need to shut that door and say to yourself, he is not my man anymore, and he doesn't want that role, so rather than crying more about that i need to accept it and start looking to other people to fulfill my social needs and give me a sense of connection.

 

So don't indulge thoughts of him. He's out of your life, so you need to get him out of your mind and the sooner you do, the sooner you'll feel better about yourself and life. Google 'thought stopping' and start practicing it... and when you're lonely, don't indulge thoughts of him, instead pick up the phone and call a friend and make plans to do something, or do something else you enjoy doing to take your mind off of it.

 

He removed himself from your life, but your task now becomes evicting the 'ghost' of him from your mind. Thinking about him reinforces your connection to him, and your task now is to break that connection and let go. So put your efforts into NOT indulging thoughts of him, and instead forming stronger connections with other people and connections wtih new people to fill your social needs. He's just not available for that anymore, and the sooner you start thinking/acting like he isn't and aligning your thoughts with that reality, the sooner you will feel better.