Has anyone ever heard of or did this to someone before??????

[dinopq]

I keep this short as possible being the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. My question to you for help is stated at the end....

 

My girlfriend and I broke up (she left me) this past July after being/living together for nearly 3 years.

We both are now 30 years old, never married, no children and both have great careers.

We were best friends, did everything together, loved each other and had both planned to spend the rest of our lives together.

 

I think the problem was that she couldn't trust me, however I never cheated on her.

That morning she left she called me and asked me if I wanted to continue the relationship as we were arguing about something insignificant. She said that she was going to get her things and leave and she would not be coming back.

I was in the middle of a meeting and asked if we could talk later.

She said fine and we hung up. I e-mailed her then next evening to let things cool off but no reply.

I called her on cell phone and got her voice mail and left a message that I was sorry and wanted to talk with her. Several days passed and I wrote another e-mail receiving no reply after finding out that she changed her cell #.

 

I then wrote several letters and sent them to her parents house where she I assumed she was living. Still no reply.

I then contacted her brother and mother to see if she was okay and that I wanted to talk with her.

Again no reply.

Several weeks past as I left her alone to work her feelings out. I again wrote another letter to her stating how sorry I was and how much I loved her. Still no reply.

 

To compound all of this we both work at the same company but at different locations however I have to attend meetings where she works. One morning several weeks later in a chance encounter, she is driving next to me in her new truck pretending to notice me. When I return to where I work a co-worker informs me that she called him "freaking out" that she saw me. I asked him that next time that he was at her location if he would talk with her.

He did and she told him that she didn't leave me for someone else but that she couldn't trust me and if I wanted to talk with her why didn't I go up to her desk and do it. He also said that she picked up the phone to call then put it down.

 

Now here is where things get complicated.

1. I know that she was "stalked" by her ex-boyfriend.

2. The company we work for is very high profile and I could possibly face harassment by doing so.

 

December comes and we are moving into the holidays and I have plans to marry her on New Years Eve. My aunt that is close to me passes away, my mom is in the hospital and I am working long hours.

Again, I write another heart felt letter to her expressing all that we shared together, how much it meant to me, how I never could or would cheat on her. Nothing in reply.

I gathered up all of the things that she left and brought them over to her friend's house. I was nervous when her friend answered the door as I began to express all that she meant to me. Her friend told me that she has not heard from her and that she sold her vehicle, bought all new clothes and won't even come back to her to get her nails done because it in the same town where we used to live. Daily I was asked by co-workers and family/friends if we were able to discuss. Embarrassed, I told them that I have heard nothing, not even a message from to let it go!

Christmas came as I brought out the decorations that we packed together a year earlier. I couldn't get myself to put them up as I fought to even leave the house. Several days after Christmas with new years quickly approaching I found what I thought was the perfect card and wrote yet another letter. Again nothing.

I then sent flowers to where she was living with her parents with yet another letter outlining my feelings. This time I really expected something, possibly final closure or a new beginning. Yet again, I received nothing.

New Years Eve passed as I spent it alone with the ring I had planned to give to her in my hand. I went into the New Year with initial feelings of a new beginning and hope, but with every evening and weekend without her I felt lost. January past as I sunk into deep depression and again removed myself from family and friends.

And yes, I did seek help, medication, etc. The advice I received from the "professionals" I saw was to; "get over it", "move on", "it wasn't meant to be", "...in the next relationship", etc. Medication?????? I was never depressed before...chemical imbalance???? Come on. I lost my best friend, future wife and she won't even talk with me after 6 months?

I then wrote the final letter to her in early February. Asking why she hated me so much and that I did still mean everything that I wrote in expressing all that she meant to me. Once again nothing in reply.

 

At this point I have not slept or eaten on a regular basis in 9 months. After yet another trip to the location where she works at, I run into a mutual friend that asks the weekly question, if I heard from her. After giving him an update he asks if I would mind if he went to see her. I said no and he left. Several hours later he calls me and says we need to talk. I meet him that evening and he relays the conversation that took place. He explains that she is not dating anyone else and that if I want to talk that I should stop by her and see her. Prior to knowing that she would say this I have told him that work is work and that a relationship and would should be kept separate. She told him that she agrees. She continues by telling him that by calling me would be giving into to me. After about 45 min. they concluded by him saying that there should be some closure and that she would like to talk but that it too difficult.

 

I have been absolutely devastated and paralyzed for 9+ months of my life by not hearing from someone that I loved and spent nearly 3 years of my life with. Writting another would be, I feel, a waste of time and would probably send the wrong message. I did try calling her at work 2 months back and will not do so again. Yes, I know I need to move on, it must not have meant to be and let it go, etc.. much easier than said even after 9 months!

 

The question

Has anyone ever done this to someone, had this done to them or heard of someone doing this to someone?????

If so why? She claims that it is still too difficult to talk, but I really think that is an excuse.

Any help????

Thanks!!

[Shan-Tilly]

Well, I am a woman so maybe I can help...then again maybe not. It sounds to me that she felt betrayed or very emotionally hurt by something that you either did or did not do. What I mean is...some women want men to read thier mind and know what they want and need. Yes, it is very assumeing and not very wise on our part. Also, it sounds like she may have some issues with something(s) that have happened in her past. You can't make her talk to you, which you know by now. My sympathy goes out to you, and hopefully you can find closure somehow.

[dinopq]

Thanks for the reply.

I understand if she needed to move on, for whatever her reasons, I was just looking for some "mature" closure. I even mentioned to her in a letter that I understand if she didn't ever want to keep in contact, etc. but just to leave after nearly 3 years without ever speaking again?????

Doesn't it seem strange?? .....and it has been difficult, to never have any closure, but I think that you hit it on the head with possible past and unresolved issues. Maybe she ended all of her relationships like this, I just never heard of someone doing something like this to someone before and don't understand why. This has hurt me more than if she cheated on me or would have told me that she hated me. I would love to be married and start a family! I wonder if she even thinks of me anymore. In any event, I don't want to accept that it is over and wish we could get back together or even talk one last time, as strange as that may sound after all this time.

Thanks!!!!

[toolgirl150]

Wow - that's the roughest story I have ever heard here.

 

2 things: 1. You do need help to get past this. Do whatever you can to move on from this. Therapy, whatever. This sounds like it has scarred you deeply (and with good reason) and will affect you for the rest of your life and will and could cause damage to furture relationships.

 

That being said: 2. This girl sounds sick. She has essentially fallen off the planet with not just you, with everybody else. For not to hear anything from friends, family, or anything is just plain weird. I will say this very loudly: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT - her issues sound like it has nothing to do with you. Does she have a history of emotional issues? It sounds like she hit some sort of emotional brick wall and jumped ship. Completely.

 

You do have to move on and let her go. Whatever is going on in her life, you can't control it anymore - you've seen that. Do whatever it takes to get over it. Take a sabbatical - go on a trip someplace - go home for a few weeks. If it takes meds, well, it takes meds. You are not crazy - you just had the rug pull out from under you with no explaination.

 

She has problems. Normal people don't do that sort of thing. Good luck - you can do this. You are important and good. Keep us posted....

[RobzGr8]

Damn bro...I'm feeling you on this one.

My girlfriend of almost three years dumped me the day after New Years...over the phone. Three months prior to that, she took away my key to her apartment and told me that she needed time to sort things out. She told me she still loved me, but she was angry with me for something and just wanted time to get over it. She told me she didn't want to break up and that we'd still be together in the end. Then she dumped me.

She never gave me a straight answer. Just that I had hurt her and she told herself that she would never let another guy "hurt her."

That I can live with. I guess I have no choice. The thing I couldn't live with was the way she treated me for THREE MONTHS prior and the subsequent five months. I was dying in pain and she was going out everynight with "friends" and having the time of her life!! She was totally uneffected by anything.

I could ramble, but what I'm trying to get at is that my gf must've never really loved me if she could throw me away so easily. You're gf must've never really loved you either. Maybe this is just how she does relationships...severes all ties and leaves the guy wondering why?

And they say that men have no feelings. *beep* THEM I SAY!! I hope you get over this soon. She is not worth all that you are going through...anyone who could do to you what she has is not worth your time, pain or suffering.

[Shan-Tilly]

I agree with toolgirl150...Also, I was in a bad relationship before, and it does carry on into other relationships if you don't take care of it...Good Luck.