Life just slapped me.

[nastrow]

I don't know why but I have to let this out. I'm the most scared I've been in my life. I just learned that this girl I barely know, but am attracted to, is going to Senegal for Maymester, and then working a summer job with her best friend at a watersports company on beach. We both are freshmen at the same college and share the same, distant home state, and for some reason this really shakes me up. I'm terrified. This isn't where I want my life right now. I really have only 1 good friend, and he goes to high school in my home state. I don't have a job here, I spend every weekend watching movies/sports in my boring dorm room and going to the gym. I'm always trying to improve myself, but it really doesn't seem to make much of a difference on anything. I constantly have opportunities to go caving, surfing, white water rafting, skydiving, go to clubs, go to sports games, all awesome stuff. The problem is because I don't have any friends it kinda ruins these things. I don't have anyone to bring with me on all these trips. I didn't even go to football games after a while because I had no one to sit with. I'm getting ok grades because I have to, but frankly, grades don't matter that much to me. I pretty much don't have a life. It seems like I have everything that society says college students should have (good grades, chosen major, summer job) and nothing that I feel is most important (good friends, girl friend, doing fun stuff with them, improving the world, doing new exciting things in new places.)

 

I feel like I'm missing something critically important. This girl is basically doing exactly what I wish I was doing this summer. Is that what scares me? Is it because I feel like things happen for a reason? I know this sounds stupid, but I'm fairly certain I wouldn't be in my major (Marine Science) right now without this girl. She was in my Intro to University class and said she was in Marine Science, and once I got to know her a little better I got crazily attracted to her. It's stupid but it happens every time. Anyways I was undecided at the time but eventually declared Marine Science. I think it's awesome and I can't think of anything else I'd rather be in, but even though I tried to leave my feelings for her out of the choice I still feel like she affected the decision, even though I barely know her. I know this is crazy (like, seriously slightly insane) but whenever I try to forget about this girl I see her. Like, it's happened a few times where I've been thinking about this girl and how I should forget about her because I don't know her. I'll be really depressed because it seems like I'll never find a girl. Then she walks right by me, and of course I'm too shocked to say hi. It seriously gives me the feeling that someone is messing with my head. I'm pretty sure it's just my brain looking for patterns where there are none, but still. Anyways, is this what scares me? That she, for better or worse, has drastically affected my life and future career, and that I still can't forget about her?

 

What's weird to me is that I don't think I'm this shook up because I wanted to hang out with this girl this summer. I keep trying to get up the courage to go and talk to her (still going to happen) because I want to get to know her better. I was kinda hoping if I knew her better we would get to hang out this summer. (Random other weird coincidence: My grandparents are renting out a summer house in the same town where she's going to be working this summer, and I wasn't going to go because my grandparents aren't that fun. Just weird. Unless I really get to know this girl I still probably won't go, but anyways.) The weird thing is I don't think I'm freaked out because now I really have no chance of seeing her this summer. I know I'll be okay not seeing her because I'll see her next hear and whatever.

 

I almost feel like I'm jealous of this girl. Like, I'm really happy she's doing something amazing over the summer, but at the same time that's exactly what I'm wanting to do. It feels like a mid-freshmen year crisis almost. I feel like my dream girl is having my dream summer, and that kills me because I won't be. I missed out. I almost feel competitive with this girl. For exaample, she's basically a semester ahead of me for our major requirements, and for some reason I feel like I have to catch up to her/ beat her. Also last year I just started learning French because I wanted study abroad in Paris. Then I meet her and she says she spent a summer in Paris. She snowboards, surfs, dances, speaks French, scuba dives... ALL STUFF I WANT TO DO. It's like she's the female equivalent of me, but she's actually succeeded at life. Maybe it's becuase she has a lot more money available than I do, but that shouldn't matter. I feel like I'll always be following in her footsteps, always be playing catch up to this girl, who does everything I want to do and is very pretty on top of it. I occasionally remind myself of a certain quote when I feel unsatisfied or lost, like I do right now. ”Sometimes you need to step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be.” What's driving me crazy is that this girl, by all appearances, IS EXACTLY THE PERSON I WANT TO BE, other than the fact that I'm very happy being a guy. I know we have some differences but right now this girl is basically living the life I want to live, down to the letter. Has anyone else been in this situation before? It's ridiculous. The girl I like is basically the successful version of me, with boobs. Also, for some reason I feel like we are competing, she's just getting further and further ahead. It seems like she's constantly doing stuff that I want to do, but am not.

 

All I know is that I don't think I can stop "competing" with her. I feel like I have to raise my goals above hers, and work twice as hard. That's probably a good thing, but why do I feel like this? Why am I so scared? How do I fix this? Please help me.

[meoww]

I think you have some deep seated issues that are going to take time to resolve. I don't think that you are an independent thinker, and to be successful in any field you must have this skill. It only comes through hard work and patience.

 

I think you should probably try to stop interacting with this girl in any way. I am honestly not even sure if marine science is your calling. Maybe it's what you think you should want. Perhaps your strengths would be better represented in another similar field.

 

One way of figuring out what you really want to do in life is to throw out every single expectation that you and others have for yourself, and slowly get to know yourself and your true passions.

 

This is the perfect time in your life to jump in and try something completely awesome. Apply for a variety of internships and job experiences and go from there. Don't get caught up in choosing the right path before you take action, I'm pretty sure it's takes a bit of trial and error for most people.

 

Now is not the time to over think things in that regard. I also think you should do some serious work on your self esteem. Asking for help is the first step--I really wish you the best

[Tranquillo]

Just calm down.

[shykind]

Somethings wrong here, i can't quite place it. You say you like this girl, but you're jealous of her? I don't understand how these thing can coincide. We then take up the issue of you choosing your major because of your feelings for her, that to me is the wrong way to go about choosing your career path. There are so many problems here I'm going to try and list what i think they are, if that's okay. (1) You don't have a solid group of friends, yet. (2) you like a girl, that you barely know. (3) that girl you like, you're also jealous of. (4) you feel as if you're missing out on the fun things in college, IN YOUR FRESHMAN YEAR. (5) you chose your major based on the major of some girl you like.

 

First and foremost, most people don't have a solid friends in college until second semester, or sophomore year. next, there is no way you can be with someone your jealous of, it's improbable, that is an unhealthy relationship ab initio. Then we try to look at why in the world do you feel like you must "compete" with this girl, or anyone. stop trying to compete with other people, life is hard enough as it is. Plus, i don't know how you could get into competition with someone who won't compete with you. it's like getting into a boxing match with someone who won't get in the ring.

 

You might want to see if you're in the right major, you're still in the early years of college, look at other majors. With that being said, you're still in your early years of college, LOOK AT OTHER GIRLS.

 

The way I see it, you could do two things, step away from this girl or approach her. In stepping away from her it could help you clear your head. But, in approaching you could see whether you actually do like this girl, and create a friendship; make friends through her, or maybe even a relationship. You jealous of someone's life and you don't know them, her life could be going through the dumps now and you're talking about you want her life. You don't know her, but she's "EXACTLY THE PERSON (YOU) WANT TO BE"?????

 

Like i said, there is just too many problems here for my simple self to deduct, you might want to seek professional help. Or simply go talk to this girl, get to know her better, you might see that (gasp!!) she's not the girl for you, or you could end up spending time together over the summer. it's a 50/50 result either way. But the result is a 100% if you don't go talk to her.

 

I want you to look at this video : Good Luck!